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5:25 a.m. - 2001-10-12

SURVIVOR? I THOUGHT THIS WAS FANTASY ISLAND!

I cannot think of a single thing to write here this morning. So ... this could be one of the most boring entries ever.

We did have a pizza party yesterday at work to say goodbye to one of our fellow employees. If I recall, I was the only one who really said goodbye to her and that was only because I'm getting her office and am one of the few people that are kinda giddy that she's going.

She's a sweet gal...but man...I WANT THAT OFFICE!!!

I guess because then I'll be on the editorial side of the building rather than the accounting side of the building. The accounting side is okay...and you wouldn't really expect this...but accounting people are LOUD. I've gone into the adventures of Sneezy (who turned out to be a really cool guy with a really bad sinus problem) and yeah...he's loud...but his cohorts can be even louder. And with this intricate phone system that we have, it's easy to pick up the phone, dial an extension and talk to the person down the hallway.

Not these people.

"HEY STEPH!!! DO YOU HAVE THE PAPERWORK FOR THE SONY CONTRACT???"

They are literally yelling from their seats to people two and three offices down the hall.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to concentrate on writing yet another award-winning business profile about a local plumber who's been in business for over 40 years.

Tell me that's not a hard interview to conduct.

ME: "So...what all has changed in the plumbing world over the last forty years?"

PLUMBER: "Same shit. Different day."

Anyway...it'll be nice to move over to a new office with a window facing a parking lot and a large empty lot and be surrounded by my peeps.


Watched "Survivor" last night.

The first couple of episodes of Survivor, I'm always trying to distinguish between the two tribes and who's on which tribe and trying to get to know the people.

I liked the fact that they showed the people at first in their normal surroundings in America. Quite a few of the cast are pretty good looking people.

Stick them in the middle of Africa with no water for three days, and they're less than pretty. They're downright disgusting.

If you taped it or TiVoed it or whatever and haven't watched it yet...skip to the dividing line on down, because I'm about to divulge last night's ending...

If you watched it and you're like me...wouldn't you have voted that Clarence guy off in a New York minute?

This guy waits for the rest of his tribe to go hunting for water, then he opens up a can of beans to "help" this woman who's dehydrated and goofy.

The woman takes a few bites and Clarence finishes the can off.

Keep in mind...canned food is limited.

And Clarence wolfed the shit down like they were in the middle of a Piggly Wiggly.

What Clarence forgot about is when you haven't eaten anything but one cherry after a few days (even then the slimy bastard took two...it was caught on tape), people can smell beans a mile away.

So it's a no-brainer....vote Clarence out of Africa. He can't be trusted to be left alone and he's a liar to boot.

Uh-uh.

His sick little friend got voted off.

Which makes sense because the team needs strong people on it and Clarence is ten times stronger than a lady who can barely lift her head up.

My question...why the hell did she even sign up for "Survivor"? Did she not understand that the show is all about ummmm....SURVIVING???

She must have thought she was signing up for "Love Cruise" or something. She was under the impression that she was going on a humpfest...instead she's out in the wilderness, drinking mud and having a guy named Clarence steal beans for her.

Welcome home lady. Have a steak on us.


So I've gotta go back in to the hospital today for the second part of my test.

I get shot up full of dye.

Then I eat a great breakfast comprised of hospital food.

Then I get stuck in the giant metal coffin for another 15 minutes as it takes pictures of my heart.

Then I'm done with this whole charade.

I'm taking this lightly because I haven't had a chest pain in about two months and I think it was just my fat ass putting pressure on my heart.

Keep in mind...I'm no doctor. But I've seen enough of them in the last month to know a thing or two about medicine.

And I think I'm okay.


The president amused me last night.

He did really well reading his speech. But then when he started fielding questions, he fell apart like a house of cards.

He must have said "stay the course" about 150 times in 20 minutes. He basically kept repeating himself with little information actually given.

I'm glad he's our president. Granted...I'd rather have someone like Colin Powell leading our country.

But I think Bush is doing a better job of handling this than Gore would have.

Am I the only one who can mentally picture Gore in a fetal position under the desk in the Oval Office with his hands protecting his head and going "Nnnnnnnnngh!! Nnnnnnnnngh!!" and having to be coaxed out from under his desk every morning and evening?

Maybe I am.


Baby's awake. Gotta go.

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