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3:33 p.m. - 2001-11-16

IF THE TALIBAN HAD A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM, WOULD IT BE CALLED THE TALLYWHACKERS?

You know...it's really hard to get excited over the news that the Taliban has about as much strength left as Stephen Hawking in an arm wrestling contest ... because we were conditioned to expect a war that would last several years and it's lasted a few weeks.

This is the mastermind behind the biggest, deadliest strike against Americans in the history of our country. And he's scurrying around like a mouse in a room full of cats.

I read this morning that by Monday, the Taliban could possibly be gone for good.

By MONDAY.

I keep reiterating ... this is not the end of the war, it's only the beginning.

But damn. If we could extinguish this idiot's flame in such a short amount of time, it just goes to show you that our military knows what the hell it's doing.

It makes me proud of our military and proud of our country.

I hate that people are getting killed...but they're no longer innocent people getting killed. The people over there getting killed now are vicious terrorists and idiots that really have no business sucking up valuable oxygen anymore.

None of the American troops have been killed.

Zilch.

I dunno. It just leaves me feeling good.

"Relieved" would be a better word.

I feel relieved.

Relieved to know that there's a very good chance that we can rid the world of terrorists and that my son can grow up in a world that he won't have to be afraid of getting on a plane or a subway or a bus and be killed.

I hate that we're having to make the world a peaceful world by killing people.

That just doesn't seem right.

But if killing one person will save thousands of lives and that one person is a psychotic bastard who has no respect for human life and is an indecent little toad, then hey...plug that bastard full of lead.

Do it for those of us who want to live in a peaceful world.

We'll turn the other way and not look.

I promise.


I REALLY wanna go out to eat tonight.

I REALLY wanna go out and have a small filet mignon tonight.

I REALLY want my wife to read my mind and come home and say "You wanna go out for a steak tonight?"

I REALLY think I'm going to end up eating a frozen chicken pot pie for dinner tonight.


I actually accomplished a great deal of work today, which also leaves me with a sense of relief.

The day goes by so much faster when you're getting things done and everybody cooperates with you and realizes that you're serious when you call them and say "Goddammit, you've had a motherfucking month to sign that fucking piece of paper, you fucking scumbag. Now if you don't fax it back to me in five fucking minutes with your fucking signature scrawled across the bottom of it, I'm running your goddamned story AS IS with no fucking corrections done to it, in fact I may add the line "Everyone that works for this company hates your fucking guts and are only in it for the money" on the bottom of the page and there's not a goddamned thing you can do about it because you missed the motherfucking deadline, you sonofawhore-eating bitch dog fucker shit cock cock cock."

It's amazing how much smoother operations flow when you make that all-important follow-up phone call to remind them of their deadlines.


I really hated that Lindsey got the boot from Survivor last night.

Don't get me wrong...I hated the girl as much as the rest of America. Or...at least the rest of America that isn't tuned into "Friends".

But without her there, the show's bound to get just a tad bit boring until the remaining players turn to cannibalization or start backstabbing each other to bring a little bit of excitement to the show.

And, of course, we still have Brandon left. That boy is a B-I-T-C-H! When he dropped the flaming arrow last night and did his little Jerry Lewis dance saying "Sorry!" to his teammates in order to apologize for being about as masculine as Princess Di...man...I laughed harder than I had laughed at any previous "Survivor" episode.

...Dumbass...


I'm looking forward to this weekend.

My sister will be here tomorrow for a few hours to see Andrew. She came to town last month but Andrew had an ear infection and was about as much fun as poking a dead rat so she's coming back again to play with him.

She's now dating a lawyer who lives about 30 miles away from us. She's spending the weekend with him and coming to see us tomorrow morning while he works at the biggest football game of the year here...Auburn vs. Alabama.

He's a ticket-tearer there. He's a member of the Lion's Club and I guess they tear tickets at the football games.

I dunno.

Damn, man...what do I look like? An expert on the Lion's Club?

Step off, lady. Talk to the hand. I ain't got time for your dime.


One hour of work left.

Then two days off. Come back...work three days...then four days off.

I can do this.

I CAN do this.

I CAN do THIS.

I CAN DO THISSSSS!!!

HISSSSSSSSSS!!!

HISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

...alright ... snake impression time is over.

Get outta here.

Go surf for porn or something.

I'm through with you.

Take off, you hoser.

Oh yeah...go download Audio Galaxy for all your musical needs, people.

Download the satellite and go from there.

That's where Uncle Bob pilfers all his tunes.

Yeah.

Hey.

I thought I told you to get outta here.

Sheesh.

I'm not telling you again.

Go.

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