HAS MY LIFE GOTTEN SO BORING THAT THIS IS ALL I CAN OFFER?

Call it a newfound fascination with an old friend.

Call it complete and utter boredom.

But I'm in the mood to offer up another question and answer survey here. I stole this one from one of the latest inductees into the Army, Water Fighter 21.

Enjoy.

If you don't enjoy, keep it to your damned self. I'm pouring my heart out here via a silly quiz designed for junior high girls. This is "soul searching", man. This is DEEP!

How often do you cry? Every time a Hallmark commercial comes on. And I don't "cry", I get "teary-eyed". There's a difference. I'm not sobbing, my eyes just get all wet and gushy. Got it?? If you want an actual figure...I remember crying in 1997. That was the last time I "cried". Wait...I broke down at my buddy's funeral this past summer. That was pretty sad. WAIT! I cried this morning when we ran out of mustard.

What makes you cry the easiest most easily? Really badly worded sentences. Actually ... I get mushy when I see the scene in "Terms of Endearment" when the little boy's saying goodbye to his dying mother for the last time and as he closes the door to her hospital room he just loses it. Damn. That's sad, bucko. Also...there's only a few minutes during "Sleepless in Seattle" when I DON'T feel like crying. Oh...and the end of "It's A Wonderful Life" get more and more sentimental with each passing year. I think I finally "get" the film.

What makes you really really happy? Seeing my little boy laugh.

Has anyone close to you ever died? I can't say "really close". I've had grandparents die and friends die...but not close friends or family where I would be devastated for weeks.

Has anyone close to you ever committed suicide? My buddy that I mentioned earlier ... his death (falling off a bridge) could have been a suicide. Nobody was with him when it happened, and he was mentally unbalanced. His family wants to think that he didn't kill himself and we have all decided to think that he accidently fell.

How many funerals have you been to? Three this year, my all-time record for funerals in one year. Up until now, I can only remember three other funerals. There may have been more, but only three I remember offhand. Wait...four.

Have you ever cried over the death of a celebrity? When Roy Orbison died I got more choked up than I would have thought I would. I was a deejay at the time and that evening, I played some of Roy's hits and tried to do some stupid little tribute to him over the microphone and I lost it, essentially earning the reputation of being the "mentally unstable deejay".

What would be the scariest way to die (in your opinion?) Having Dracula and a werewolf fight over which of my body parts they wanted to eat off.

What do you do in your spare time? Watch TV, play with my baby, read the newspaper, cook, clean. Christ I'm boring.

What are some of your favorite restaurants? Conestoga (Steak House), La Bamba (Mexican), Vittorio's(Italian), Copeland's (Cajun). I believe in supporting local businesses over the big chains. But I do like Applebee's as well.

What time do you wake up in the morning? 4:30-5 a.m.

What is your natural sleeping pattern? In bed by 10, toss about 11, turn about midnight, toss then turn about 1, wake up at 2:15 and deduct how much time I have left to sleep, listen to the baby scream at 3 and try to pretend I'm asleep until wife gets up to get him, get up by 4:30 or 5.

What made you decide to have sex for the first time? My penis. WHOA HO HO HO HO HO HO!!! Actually, I had a willing partner for a change and things went from there.

Were you in love? No. I liked the girl okay, but it wasn't love.

What's your preferred method of birth control? Le Pill.

Have you ever had a one-night stand? Several including one one-night stand that lasted four nights. If you want an exact figure, I'd say 12. Naturally, this was BEFORE AIDS screwed everything up.

How many rooms does your house have? 9.

What would be your ideal living arrangement? A much bigger, nicer home than the one I'm in now. We've been in the same house since we were first married and poor and are just too lazy to go out and get another house.

How many times have you moved in your life? Let's see...Illinois, Tennessee, back to Illinois, Germany, back to Illinois, Switzerland, Greece, back to Tennessee, two houses in Tennessee, Kentucky, back to Tennessee, New Jersey, back to Tennessee, Alabama in four different homes. So what's that...18 times? Now you see why I'm too lazy to move out of my current house? I've lived here longer than anywhere.

What city/state would like to live in? I'd love to live in Geneva, Switzerland again. Or in Amsterdam. As far as the states goes...I love Atlanta and Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

Have you ever lived on your own? Oddly enough...no. For a few months in college, I technically had a roommate at an apartment, but he really only used the place to store his stuff and stayed at his girlfriend's apartment 99% of the time. Other than that I've always either had a family, roommate or wife to keep me company.

What do you do on weekends? Go out to dinner on Friday night, followed by shopping. Saturday, as little as possible. Usually some shopping, mostly resting. Sunday ... it's church and then a nap then cooking for several hours.

Do you enjoy alone time? God yes. I LOOOOVE being alone. I'd much rather be alone than be with someone. Being alone is something that I don't get much of anymore...but it's time that I treasure deeply.

If you were stranded at home for a weekend without a computer or a TV, what would you do to entertain yourself? I'd go stir crazy. I'd probably sleep, read, cook and do some major cleaning of closets or bathrooms.

What is one thing you would love to learn? I don't "love to learn" anything. I'd rather teach myself the basics of everything and get by with that. I hate learning anything. I have no idea why, either.

What are you really good at? Making people laugh. Making the perfect Mix CD or tape. Answering pop culture trivia. Making silly voices. Imitating people. Driving. Following directions. Giving advice. Grilling. Singing in the shower.

If there were a book about your life, what would it be called? "Oh God..Not Another Book About Some Asshole".

What word or phrase best describes your sense of style? Classic prep. I wear button-down collared shirts and khakis nearly every day. I have dressed like 1982 never ended for 20 years now.

What's your favorite article of clothing? A neon yellow t-shirt that my mother-in-law wore home a year ago and never brought back and some black cotton gym shorts.

Describe a typical outfit you'd wear to work/school. Errr...maybe you weren't listening. I wear white starched shirts...the collars MUST button down...with either Duckheads, Dockers or some sort of Khaki pants. I often wear shoes. I only wear white tennis shoes, black dress shoes or topsiders. That's it.

What fashion "season" are you? I have no clue what this means. So I'll just say "fall" because it's the one with the shortest amount of letters to type in.

How long does it take you to get ready to go out on the weekend? Shower, shave, brush teeth, iron clothes, fix hair....30 minutes tops.

Sum up your life right now in 5-10 words: Quiet, Fulfilling, Rewarding, Stress-Free,Enjoyable. Sorry...I've misplaced my thesaurus.