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6:21 a.m. - 2002-02-14

CRACKHEADS IN MY OFFICE

Happy V.D.!!

For the first time since I can remember, I'm not getting a card. I didn't buy Susie a card. I need to buy Andrew a big Pooh balloon that they had at Walmart that he went gaga over this past weekend and really wanted badly and was crushed when we left the store without it. So I made a mental note to go back and get it today.

Andrew had his first Valentine's Day party yesterday and got lots of Valentines from GIRLS!! And all of them older than him! Which isn't hard to do since he's the youngest one at daycare. But still...older women sending my kid a Valentine!! He's such a stud!!!

Here's a pic from his party.

He's the one standing up in his chair like a bad boy. He knows chicks dig bad boys so he stands up in his chair to really turn them on. The look of surprise on his face is due to a Valentine strip tease that one of the girls was doing for his amusement.

I'm telling you...he's the mayor of Stud City, he is!

Anyway, Susie and I are going out for a romantic evening TOMORROW night while Grandma (who SWEARS she's finally kicked this pneumonia once and for all, but we'll see) has asked to watch him while we go out.

Speaking of Grandma, I think I forgot to mention something...

...Are you ready??

Ready??

....Pepe has moved out.

Yep ... the illegal alien/ex-con packed his bags and got the hell out of that crazy house for good.

I think it's kinda funny how they had an internet relationship for almost two years, then when the guy gets sprung from prison and my mother in law drives 24 hours round trip to get him, he lasts about four months in her house before he realizes that things sound a whole lot better when they're presented over the internet than they do in real life.

So he's moved away to Birmingham which is a 90 mile trip north of here. I was under the impression that she was sponsoring him for his U.S. Citizenship and Susie said she was and doesn't know if this will screw up his chances at becoming a citizen, but he's gone Daddy gone.

Which kinda proves that I never thought the guy was all that interested in becoming a U.S. Citizen anyway. He just wanted the hell out of prison and a place to stay for a few months before he got back into his life of crime or whatever the hell he's gone off to do.

Bye bye Pepe.

We hardly knew thee.

But...you know...that was by choice.


So we had some actual excitement around the office yesterday.

Well...about as much excitement as you can have around an office that publishes coffee table books.

A guy came into the office through the back door and held some of us hostage (including me). He shot a woman three times in the back and then a sharp shooter outside my office window managed to tag the guy and kill him instantly and today I've got to scrape his brains out from between the keys on my keyboard.

If you didn't hear about it on the news this morning that might be because it didn't exactly happen that way. But man...that sure did sound interesting for a minute, didn't it?

Actually, it's a long story. But I'll try to condense it to where it still makes sense.

I'm in my office with the door closed doing an interview. I open my door and Edweird is standing there with a guy who just looks out of it.

The guy is looking for Angela, the girl whose office is next to mine.

We look for her, can't find her and tell him she's gone to lunch.

He asks when she'll be back. We say in an hour.

He smells the Buttercream candle burning in my office and comes in my office to smell it. He leans down towards the candle and practically buries his nose in the jar while it's burning. A normal person would have jumped back with his nose on fire.

It barely registered on this crackhead.

He wants to leave a note for Angela. We give him a piece of paper and a pen and he takes forever to write the note.

He then folds in, goes in her office, leaves it under her keyboard and then slips out the back door next to Angela's office.

Eddie looks at me and I look at him.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

Apparently, there's more to the story than all that.

While I was in my office, Eddie saw the guy coming out of Angela's office. That's when the guy asked where Angela is.

CLUE #1: We all have nameplates outside our office and Angela's office is the first one you come to when you slip in the back door.

Eddie offers to look for Angela and this guy trails Eddie the whole time.

CLUE #2: The guy is scoping out the other offices to see how many are empty during the lunch hour.

Eddie takes him to the lobby where visitors must wait when coming to see someone in the office. No visitor gets past this front desk without being escorted by an employee.

Long story short...the guy slipped in the back door, saw Angela's nameplate and went in her office which we presumably thought he was there to steal something.

Angela gets back from lunch, has no idea who this guy is after we ask her about it and she calls the cops. The note said "Angela...stopped by to see you...Mike". Now...how creepy is that???

The cops come out and it turns out they had been looking for this guy all morning. He had been to a local cadillac dealer and stole a leather coat from there.

He was in our office HIDING because the cops had chased him to our building and were looking for him outside. That's the reason he stayed in our office so long...taking forever to write a note, asking when Angela would be back four times in a row, following Eddie around the office so he looked like he belonged there.

Soooo...hopefully now we're going to get a lock or keypad put on the back door to protect us against crackhead thieves who are running from the cops.

It was much more interesting yesterday than it is today.

Which I guess is a euphenism for my life.

Happy V.D. you buncha crazy bastards!

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