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8:37 a.m. - 2002-07-17

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO ... WHAT THE F....??

I got a nice email yesterday from what I am sure is a lovely young lady by the name of Janie. Janie was writing to tell me just how freakin’ great I am, as if I needed any more reassurance of my potential wonderfulness. But then she relayed a bit of information to me that made me squeal. Something like this…”WHEEEEEEE!!!” I guess it was kinda like “WHEEEEEEEE!!!” if a pig had squealed it. I sounded like a pig. Squealing. Squealing “WHEEEEEEE!!!” Not that it’s important that you know exactly how I sounded as I squealed like a pig. That has nothing to do with this story. Still, I like to be as descriptive as possible when discussing my squealing techniques.

So Janie tells me that a few weeks ago when I strong-armed each and every one of my readers to visit my boy Mattie Gee’s website and register for free tickets to this year’s Ozzfest courtesy of Jagermeister, she actually was one of the 25% of you who did such a thing.

And she won.

That’s right…Janie’s gonna be headbanging with Ozzy and … and….and….I guess a buncha other heavy metal bands in New Jersey. I’m not sure who else is on the tour with Ozzy this year.

For some reason I want to say Moby, but I feel pretty confident that you’ll never ever ever see Moby and Ozzy sharing a stage together anywhere short of an MTV Awards show.

Anyway, congrats to Janie who kicked mucho assso by filling out her name and winning some tickets!

And in a way, I had something to do with it!

So that’s kinda a Good Samaritan thing to do…right??

I mean granted … I’m sending a nice clean cut All-American girl to a festival peppered with Satanic bastards. But it’s still commendable.

I think anyway.


Speaking of Satan, I came up with a great somewhat-offensive alternative band name yesterday.

…Satan Hitler.

If any of you guys have a band that needs a new name, I am GIVING you this band name with the assurance that it will sell records, baby.

The band could have a logo … a circle with a red cartoon Satan figure in the middle who is sporting a Hitler mustache.

I’ll even agree to appear in magazine ads for Satan Hitler’s debut disc. It’ll be a pic of me winking and giving the camera a thumbs up with the slogan “Uncle Bob Sez: Satan Hitler is GO!!” emblazoned across the full page ad.

Yeah.

That’s me…always thinking of the big picture.


Today’s my baby sister’s 33rd birthday.

One third of a century.

I completely forgot to get her a card.

I suck.

I wonder if she would be consoled by the fact that I could give her the name Satan Hitler for her band.

You know…if she had a band.

Or could play a musical instrument.

Or had an inkling of musical talent in her pores.

Probably not.

OOOOOOO!!!

I accidently made a typo on Satan Hitler and came up with a better name!!

STANLEY HITLER!!

Stan Hitler??

Eh.

Whatever.


I think I mentioned a while back that I was going to take a large number of the song suggestions that I received from the first question on my survey and make a disc and call it “Diaryland Ass Shakers”.

Didn’t I?

I could swear I did.

Oh well…even if I didn’t, I’ve done such a thing. However, I had to do it before we moved out of our house two and a half weeks ago, so some of the more recent additions have not been downloaded…it was mostly stuff from the first slew of people who filled out the survey.

Anyway…man…I can’t stop listening to these discs!!

And shaking my ass!!

I’ve made two volumes of the Diaryland Ass Shakers, and even though I’m partial to Disc One … Disc Two has its moments as well.

So anyway, I’m thinking of combining the best of the two discs onto one disc and then…and I’m probably going to kick myself for this … but I think I’ll offer copies to you guys.

Naturally … nothing comes for free.

Sooooo…I’m thinking about doing some kinda CD swap thing.

You burn me a CD of songs that shake your ass and send it to me, and I’ll send you a copy of Diaryland Ass Shakers.

Whadda ya think?

Anyone interested in such a thing?

I guess I could accept tapes as well for those of you that don’t burn CDs.

Or…you know…you could always just look at all the results of Question #1 on my survey and burn your own freakin’ CD. Fine. Be that way and all that jazz.

It was just a thought.

If you’re interested… email me and lemme know.

I like pretty much all types of music, so I’m open to just about anything. If you like it, I’d like to hear it.

I don’t really care much for death metal. Songs that sound like someone’s taking a baseball bat to your eardrums and bashing your skull in.

You know…music by bands with names like Throbbing Weasel.

Or Satan Hitler.

Stuff like that.

And I’m not really good at making the cool sleeves for CD cases either. In fact, I’m quite lame at it. I usually have to bug my pals and bribe them with free lunches to make CD liner notes for me. So I’ll probably just be writing the names of the songs and the artists on a piece of paper and cramming that into the CD case and that’s it.

But if you’re interested in such a thing, once again…lemme know and we’ll rock the hizzouse together.


I guess I need to take a picture of Andrew’s new haircut, huh?

Lemme see if he’ll be up for a picture when he wakes up and I’ll post it.

He’s a cranky lil’ boy in the mornings. He’s a lot like his Mama in that respect.

Meanwhile, I’m Johnny Happypants in the morning.

Speaking of Captain Cranky…I hear him roaring in his bedroom.

When the baby cries, the diary stops.

Deal with it.

But hey…

At least you get a picture.

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