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2:17 a.m. - 2002-10-14

PICTURES FROM A WEDDING WHERE THE PUNCH WAS SPIKED

It's 2:17 a.m.

I've been lying in bed for the last 30 minutes trying to get to sleep.

Hey kids! Rush out to your doctor today and say "Dammit! Gimme some o' dat Sleep Apnea Uncle Bob keeps talking about! I want 10 minutes of semi-decent sleep a night too so I can be a walking zombie for the next 24 hours!!"

It goes without saying that I cannot WAIT to go to this sleep clinic. October 29th can NOT come fast enough.


So the Edweird got married on Saturday.

Honestly, it was a great wedding. For some reason, I thought that if Edweird was part of the equation that somehow it would be a comedy. But it was beautiful and a lot of fun.

Because I have the typing skills of a muzzled and sedated grizzly bear at this hour, I'm going to share pictures with you rather than lotsa words today. These are all pics from Edweird's wedding.

Scratch that...these are pics from the reception. I videotaped the wedding and have no screen captures from that just yet. But the evil ex-boss Wendigo, my wife Susiego and I took some pics at the reception. Hopefully, these will make you go..."Okay. Pictures. Cool."

This is Edweird on the left and his best man Jay on the right. They've known each other for 20 years. Jay was a mountain of a man. He made me look puny. And I'm not talking penis size either. He had the penis of a gerbil. Okay...I'm not really sure how big his penis was ... I'm just cranky, tired and full of lame penis jokes right now.

This is Edweird and his sister Anne-Marie. He hates his sister with a hatred that is usually reserved for children below the age of 10. He's always talking about how much he hates her. That's why he isn't actually touching her back here, if you noticed. She's a pretty sweet gal, but if a man has to hate something, let it be his sister, I guess.

Here you go. Your requisite family portrait of Uncle Bob, his wife and son Andrew. I was a little ticked that there wasn't a table available for my deejay equipment, so I had everything on the freakin' floor, trying to deejay down there. I eventually got tired of stooping over every three minutes and 35 seconds to mix songs, so I pulled up a chair. I look somewhat happy here. I'm slightly tipsy and exhausted.

This is Edweird and his new wife Ramona sharing their first dance as a married couple. The song was Enya's "Only Time", which she asked me to play. That song gives me the willies. It's a nice song and everything ... I just kept expecting monsters to come jumping out of closets or something. Enya sounds like music for intelligent horror films. If there is such a thing. I hugged Ramona at the end of the night after I had built up a sweat tearing down all the deejay equipment and loading it into the van. She didn't mind that I was all sweaty. Truth be told, I think it turned her on.

This is my son Andrew taking a breather on the "Dance floor". He had been dancing with the two ladies at the top of the photo to "I've Had The Time Of My Life" from "Dirty Dancing" and was gasping for breath after tripping the light fandango with two young hot blondes. Notice the one shoe on/one shoe off look that he's so desperately trying to bring into vogue. He does that everywhere we go...he only wants to wear one shoe. This boy's going to have a limp like Quasimodo by the time he's 20.

Despondent after being turned down by the two gals for the next dance, Andrew turns to my speaker stands for some sweet, sweet lovin'. I told Edweird that he was trying to give Eddie pointers for later in the evening. Andrew slid up and down that pole like a world champion stripper. Uh-huh....that's my boy.

This is the evil boss Wendigo and her hubby, Dr. Eric. She doesn't look that evil here, but that's only because she was suffering from a wicked headache and wasn't in full evil mode. Usually, her eyes are liquid pools of fire. No shit. Here she looks halfway normal. She was the wedding director and did a kickass job. You know...if you don't count the fact that nobody told the groomsmen they had to be ushers as well and everyone that came to the wedding actually ended up sitting on the floor because without ushers at a wedding, people have no idea where to sit.

This is one of Edweird's groomsmen, Jason dancing with Edweird's mom. This guy seemed like a lot of fun. Give him a couple of drinks and he turns into Party Boy. He was dancing with everyone there.

Here, Jason's trying to entice Edweird to dance with him. Edweird is trying to politely reject him, but Jason's a persuasive guy. I don't think they danced, but I'm pretty sure Edweird blew him out behind the dumpster after this photo was taken.

Fresh from his rendezvous from behind the dumpster, Jason set his eyes on Best Man Jay. Jay, who's well aware of Jason's persuasive dance powers, didn't bother to fight it and moved to the dance floor to dance with him. At this point, I decided that we had men dancing with men, and since the reception was taking on the tone of Liza Minelli and David Gest's wedding reception, I decided to call it quits and cap off the evening.

As I said, it was a lot of fun and a beautiful wedding. Edweird and his bride are on their honeymoon right now and will be back later this week.

So who knows how long these pics will stay up?


Speaking of pics staying up, I've removed the photos of my nephew for those of you who've been wondering where they were.

I started feeling bad that they were up there for everyone to see and make fun of.

Plus, I thought the chances were getting good of him maybe finding out they were there, since his sis is away from college and this Diaryland thing is big on college campuses.

So there ya go. If you didn't see the pics ... sorry. Ya snooze ya lose.

And speaking of snoozing...It's almost 3:30 a.m.

It's time for me to give this whole sleep thing another try.

I hope everyone else has a good day.

Mine's going to be long and painful.

Adios.

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