YOU MIGHT WANNA SET MY FISTS BACK AN HOUR, BEE-YOTCH

I wish the Daylight Savings Time people would start taking MY situation under consideration every time they want to set the clocks back an hour.

I've got an almost two year-old who cannot grasp the concept of Daylight Savings Time. He doesn't even grasp the concept of time. He doesn't know the Wiggles are on at 7:30 a.m.....he thinks they're ALWAYS on TV, it's just a matter of finding the right channel.

So anyway...we're bombarded with this whole "Set your clocks back...everyone gets an extra hour of sleep!!!"

Uhhhhhh....no.

My son doesn't know it's 5:20 a.m. He thinks it's 6:20 a.m. because it was yesterday at this time.

So my ass is up an hour EARLIER that it needs to be. I don't get that extra hour of sleep, I get the shaft.

And naptime's all screwed up now. If Andrew isn't down by noon, there's hell to pay.

Well, church starts at 10:30. Which is actually 11:30 old time. So if we take him to church, 30 minutes later he'll want to nap and they'll be forcing him to learn all about Jesus instead.

Have you ever tried to explain Jesus to a screaming child who just wants a nap??

Well...me neither. But I bet it's about as fun as chemotherapy.

Then tonight, I'll be out like a light at 8 p.m. Which I guess is where I will FINALLY get that extra hour of sleep....but at what cost??

If Mr. Whoever Thought Of Daylight Savings Time was in front of me right now, I'd grab him by the collar and shake him to and fro.

Man.

A good old fashioned "To and Fro" shaking...that'd shape that bastard up good!

So I'm going to gracefully bow out of going to church today and offer to stay home with the boy and put him down for his nap at 11 a.m. so his entire day won't be all screwy-wooey.

Ever since Rev. Brian left, I haven't been into the whole church gig like I used to be. The new interim minister is alright...much older...kind...and slow as Christmas.

He gets up there...and maybe it's their backgrounds...Brian was a fast-talking Midwesterner while this guy's an old school southern minister. Brian could get his sermon wrapped up in eight minutes, week in and week out. You could set your watch by him.

The new guy ... it takes him eight minutes to sip his water before he starts his sermon.

I'm trying to be nice to the old guy and not sigh loudly every time it's his turn to preach. I've also refrained from folding my Church Bulletin into a paper airplane and sailing it in his direction in hopes of taking out an eye.

But I dunno how much longer I can do this. A buddy of mine is in charge of the committee to find a permanent minister to lead the church. Each week I tell him "Get on the ball, Sam. And find somebody YOUNG!"

The old people prefer the old guy over Rev. Brian. I've noticed this. Rev. Brian had cool, hip ideas...like preaching about Hell and comparing it to the first 30 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan". To me, that's cool.

Rev. George...the old guy...he quotes from the Bible and stuff. That just doesn't grab my MTV-like attention span.

Get with the program, Georgie! Compare God to Quentin Tarrantino and I might perk up a bit, old dude!

I didn't leave the house yesterday.

I love days where I can stay inside all day.

It was rainy all day. Susie got home late Friday night from her week-long business trip. I sexed her up pretty good, she took a nap and in the morning she had left for work.

Working.

On a Saturday morning.

She said it was because since she was gone all week, her work duties were piling up and she had to go make a dent in them before Monday.

Swell.

Nice to see you. Hope to see you again real soon.

Sheesh.

So Andrew and I hung out all day...playing with flash cards, dancing, singing, drawing, playing with cars, and cleaning his playroom up.

Watched football. My Tennessee Vols got their asses handed to them by Alabama. Which means I need to lay low for a few days because the obnoxious Alabama Asshole Fans come out of the woodwork each time they beat Tennessee to give me hell.

Never mind that they've stayed in the woodwork for the past seven years because we kicked their asses seven years straight. Today's a new day.

And it's a day I'd rather stay at home and away from the Alabama fans at church.

Damned obnoxious bastards.

That's it...a short Sunday rant.

I just wanted to once again express my dissatisfaction with this stupid Daylight Savings Time crap.

Damned stupid Daylight Savings Time bastards.