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4:46 a.m. - 2002-10-31

MY MINISTER'S ERECTILE DISFUNCTIONS

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN!!!

Halloween used to be one of my favorite holidays, but I can't really say that anymore.

We're not dressing Andrew up this year. I really thought that he'd be good to go at two years of age...running from house to house and shouting something that resembled "Trick or Treat" at the neighbors while holding his bag out, anxious to see what booty he could get at each house.

But the kid's still shyer than a virgin in a whorehouse. He hasn't grasped the English language yet, which I place full blame on myself. All those times he pointed at his cup and grunted, I should have held out until he said something that resembled "cup" rather than just give it to him after one grunt.

I'm a total fuck-up of a parent because my kid's almost two and can't speak more than a few words.

Happy Halloween indeed.

*sigh*


So I went up to church last night to update the webpage with sermons, church news and calendar events.

I was talking to George, our Interim Minister and he was saying that he was having computer problems.

"What kind of problems?" I asked.

"Every time I try to access our webpage ... I can't get it up," he says.

That sentence struck me kind of funny.

He decided to demonstrate this problem to me on his computer. He tried to access the webpage and he was right.

He couldn't get it up.

"I can't get it up," he said.

I stifled my giggles. I wanted to suggest a little role playing in the bedroom or maybe a new teddy for the Mrs. to help solve his problem.

Instead I suggested that he type in the actual address. He did that and it came up "Entry not found".

"You see? I can't get it up!!" he said, all frustrated.

He's a kindly old man. Which is the only reason I didn't blurt out "Are you talking about the webpage or your penis, George??"

Finally, we "got it up" and he was happy.

How did we manage that, you ask?

I tickled the old man's balls.

Duh.


Andrew's second birthday is Saturday. While we initially were going to be throwing him the party of all parties...it's now turned into the world's most depressing birthday party.

How so?

The only people coming are the mother-in-law and the loserfuck brother-in-law.

Granted, he's having a birthday party at his daycare on Friday which will hopefully include his very first girlfriend Alyssa.

Alyssa used to go to his daycare but she doesn't anymore. Alyssa is four years old and Andrew is ga-ga over her. Which...you know...I'll agree...she's a cute little girl. She doesn't really have it going on in the tit department just yet, but that could change eventually. Maybe my kid's a leg man. I dunno.

Anyway...if she comes then it will officially be a "party". She's the only person I've ever seen Andrew hug outside of me and the Mrs. Since he doesn't see her every day anymore, when he does see her at birthday parties, he squeals and grins.

It's really pretty cute.

But yeah...Saturday. It's Loser Time. The day the losers finally find our new home.

It should be interesting.

Painful.

But interesting.


So I've been up since 1:30 this morning, thanks to my lovely wife and her nocturnal coughing spasms.

I've begged her to go to the doctor for this. About five nights out of the week, she's start getting this annoying hacking cough that will last for about an hour.

It's like...once a minute for an hour.

And since I'm the world's lightest sleeper, the first cough jolts me awake.

The second cough ticks me off.

The third cough infuriates me.

The fourth cough finds me threatening my wife with decapitation in order to make the coughing stop.

The fifth cough, she usually gets up and goes to sleep in another bedroom or the den.

Not last night.

Nope...she was standing her coughing ground. This time it was up to me to relocate my fat ass in the middle of the night if I wanted to get any sleep.

So I went to our guest room to sleep. This was my first time trying to sleep in the guest room. It wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been freezing in the room.

Last night was our first chilly night in the big city. And I hadn't turned on the heat because I'm an idiot that way.

I got into the cold bed and tossed and turned until about 4:30, at which time I adjourned to my office to surf the web for a while since it was obvious I wasn't going to be sleeping.

Thanks honey.

Cough cough cough right back at ya.


That's it for me...no other really big earth shattering news for ya.

Oh!

We had Freschetta Sauce Stuffed Deluxe Frozen Pizza last night and it was one of the best frozen pizzas I've ever eaten.

Of course, I gained like 30 lbs. just looking at it.

But damn...good pizza.

Delivery? No. Freschetta.

Screw DiGiornio.

The punk assed pizza bitches.

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