EMAILS FROM HEAVEN

I received a few emails yesterday with ... uhhhhh...well...I actually got some naked boobies yesterday.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd actually ask and me shall receive some major hootage from you gals.

So...from the bottom of my torso (right around the penis area) ... I thank you for helping me get over my grief.

I'd link the gals who sent them, but I wouldn't want to embarrassthem.

But thank you very much, ladies.

If I got these after putting my dog to sleep, I can't WAIT to see what I get when the wife dies a mysterious and unsolved death!

Speaking of emails, I also got a few asking why the hell I would dare suggest that Saddam nuke Canada.

Look people ... I'll say it one more time ... I HAD TO PUT MY DOG TO SLEEP THIS WEEK!!!

There shall be no rhyme or reason to what I say for the rest of the week. I'm officially delerious and society accepts that as a part of my mourning.

Plus...it's widely known that the country with the absolute best sense of humor...is Canada.

Look at all the funny people that have come from Canada. Why...they've given us .... uhhhhhhh....is Carrot Top from Canada?

Funnyman Robert Klein?

C'mon...I KNOW Morey Amsterdam is from Canada....right??

Cindy from Honolulu...if you're reading this ... thank you very much. That was too sweet.

So last night was the last "Surreal Life" for this season.

I've got one word for it. Bleh.

Is "Bleh" a word?

Since the episode revolved around Corey Feldman's bizarre (dare I say it...SURREAL) wedding, the snark level was at an all-time low throughout the show.

Hopefully, the camera will still be around to film the divorce proceedings.

The in-laws are coming to the house tomorrow to come get some of their stuff that we've been storing in the garage since Jesus was a baby.

Susie talked to her Mom last night and I could tell that her Mom was trying to schedule their visit so that it conveniently fell around dinner time so they could get a free meal out of their trip since all the food they have is spoiled cabbage and rotten expired lunch meat.

So whee.

Dinner with the in-laws tomorrow night.

This should be about as fun as scraping corns off your toes with a rusted razor blade.

I can't think of much else to write about this morning.

I've been a writin' fool at work lately and it's zapped all the energy out of me.

Last night I wrote about half my "Surreal Life" recap and have to finish it up tonight.

Tomorrow, I've got to recap the MTV Special on Sorority Life/Fraternity Life which will be broadcast at 1 p.m. est/Noon cst but check your local listings because I'm about as reliable as a broken watch.

So I'm trying to reserve some writing energy for my other projects.

Forgive me.

Hey.

You know what?

I don't care if you forgive me or not!

I HAD TO PUT MY DOG TO SLEEP THIS WEEK!!!

(Uncle Bob runs away screaming and pulling his hair out of his head as the diary fades to black)