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5:49 a.m. - 2003-03-20

THE REAL TRAGEDY

Boy is my face red.

I just finished an extensive message to the people on the Notify List that Diaryland was currently down so I gave them the diary entry of the day.

See?

It pays to be on my Notify List, which you can join for free at the bottom of this page.

So now, Diaryland is back up.

So I'll give you a few opinions of mine on this latest travesty that we're facing.

As always...these are my opinions and this is my diary. If you agree with them, great. If not, that's your business. I'm not open for a debate with you. I'm a busy guy and don't feel like going back and forth with anonymous Republican strangers.

That said....the travesty:

Man.

Can you BELIEVE that MTV preempted Fraternity Life for a few bombs?!?

Fine. NBC can postpone "Law & Order: The Whore Beat" all they want.

I doubt ABC had anything scheduled anyway unless Michael Jackson farted yesterday and a camera crew was assigned to cover this latest intestinal discomfort.

CBS had to preempt "Touched By A Judge Named Amy" or whatever senior citizens are whacking it to these days. Big whoop. They're all in bed by 7 p.m. anyway.

But MTfuckinV???

As Jon Stewart said on "The Daily Show" last night: "If a war has broken out by the time this show airs, for God's sakes...go watch a real network."

While Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather sat there in their suits, John Norris was in his cleanest black t-shirt with a raggedy looking flannel shirt over it.

John tried his best to "rap" about this war with Generation Y or whatever, and failed miserably.

So he had his musician friends call in to give their opinions.

First, Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine and now Audioslave.

Of COURSE Tom is going to be anti-war. I knew that before the guy opened his mouth.

He had a lot of good points. Like he said "This is not America's war...it's George Bush's war".

According to the polls I've seen, 2 out of 3 people support the president and think we need a war.

Tom hasn't seen those polls. Tom's convinced that everyone in America is against this war.

He's also convinced that someone stole his stash and he's suspecting that rat fink Zach de la Roche guy or however you spell his name.

(Yes, I'm relying on bad mispelled rock and roll musician jokes this morning that are lost on many of you housewives. Bite me.)

Then Fred Durst from Limp Biskit called in. You could see John Norris' black jeans get damp from the excited droplets of pee that he was shedding.

Fred was bummed, man. Totally bummed. He...he....man. He was just really bummed.

That's it. That was Fred's commentary. You could tell he was really wanting to say "For the remaining 13 Americans out there that haven't heard yet ... I banged Britney Spears. Yes, I'm 13 years older than her and it's a bit creepy that I'd be trolling around Britney's house, waiting for her to spread 'em, but I nailed the bitch. Boy Howdy. It was good too. Yeah, she's walking around saying it never happened, but it did. And this war thing? It's got me totally bummed."

Thanks Fred. Found a guitarist for your band yet?

Anyway...damn MTV for taking itself seriously as a news channel. If John Norris or Kurt Loder REALLY think that people would choose to get their war news from them over CNN, they're more delerious than I am.

I watched long enough to realize that they weren't going to be showing "Fraternity Life" and then switched channels.

One more thing, totally non-MTV related.

Peter Arnett...the reporter who stayed around in Baghdad??

What's up with that dude's head? It looks like nuclear fallout has done its damage to it already.

He's missing a massive chunk of hair on the top right side of his head.

A message to Peter Arnett because I'm under the delusion that everyone in the world reads this shit: Rogaine, baby. Rogaine.

That's all.

Let's kill Saddam so George can jerk himself to orgasm once again and we can all go back to our lives.

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