ASK FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD FORD

Dear Former President Gerald Ford,

My Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce and that makes me very sad. Mommy says it's because Daddy's an abusive drunk and Daddy says it's all my fault. I don't want them to get a divorce, so what should I do?

Signed,

Timmy, age 7

Dear Timmy,

Bite a fart.

Gerry

Dear Former President Gerald Ford,

Recently I decided to divorce my abusive drunk of a husband because he told my son Timmy that he was leaving myself and my son due to my son's penchant for writing ex-presidents and pouring out all his problems to them. How do I explain this to my son?

Regards,

Tina

Dear Tina,

What are you wearing right now?

Gerry

Dear Former President Gerald Ford,

You're an asssole. You think you're so smart and you're not. You're an asssole. My kid worships you and I think you're nothing more than an asssole. Stay away from my kid, you asssole. I'll fucking kick your ass, man, if I catch you around my kid.

I'm warning you.

Ron

Dear Ron,

Blow me, Chuckles.

Gerry