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5:48 a.m. - 2003-06-06

I HATE MY JOB

I HATE my new job.

You think you hate your job??

HUH?!?

DO YA???

Well, Missy...you don't even know the MEANING of the word "HATE"!!!

Listen to this...I have to work ALL FREAKIN' WEEKEND!!

After working all week!!

I KNOW!!

They had it easier in concentration camps!!

First, on Saturday, I have to go speak to a group of women who have come to town for a convention.

I have to welcome them to town and tell them a little bit about the city, blah blah blah.

Then ... oh man...then...I HAVE TO EAT LUNCH WITH THEM!!!

Oh, the agony!

Somebody catch me, I'm about to faint from anger!

Then on Sunday...oh...here's where it gets bad.

I have to go to the office at 1:00. On a freakin' Sunday.

I have to ride with a co-worker for about three hours.

Where are we going?!?

THE BEACH!

I KNOW!!

Who the hell goes to the beach in June?!?

We have to go down there for some stinking "retreat".

When we get there, we have to check into this stupid hotel that is right on the beach and then they're FORCING US to go and have free alcoholic drinks and mingle with people.

Then, we're all herded like cattle to the beach where we have to sit at a stupid luau and eat until we're about to burst.

News flash..I DON'T WANT TO BURST, DAMMIT!!!

Then on Monday, we've got to eat a breakfast that's sponsored by S0uthern Living Magazine. Afterwards, we have to sit through three seminars lasting TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!

At 11:30, they feed us again. Hey, I doubt I'll be hungry since THEY JUST FREAKIN FED US TWO AND A HALF HOURS EARLIER!!

Then we FINALLY get a choice. They'll either herd us on a bus and we go shopping for the rest of the day (Whoopee!) Or we can go lay out on the beach for the rest of the day.

THE NERVE!!

What if I just want to go back to the office and work?!?

HELL NO, JOE!!

I have to stay there and either work on my tan or spend money at a variety of shops and outlet malls.

Then...oh God...this is what makes me steam!

...They are forcing us to go on a cruise Monday evening where we either eat a steak dinner or the catch of the day.

WHAT IF I WANT A HOT DOG AT HOME?!?

NOOOOOOO!!!

NO HOT DOGS FOR ME!!

It's either steak or fresh seafood. That's my freakin' choices!

Oh. And let's not forget all the alcohol I can drink!

Grrrrrrrrr...

As if all that wasn't bad enough...on Tuesday I have to do the same exact thing!!!

Two and a half hours of seminars in the morning after a big breakfast.

But then, finally the clouds part and the sun comes out and I'm FINALLY allowed to drive back to the office where I can finally rest behind my desk and feel the comforts of the 9 to 5 grind once again.

I'm telling you...I seriously don't know how much longer I can do this.

Rabble scrabble job...


Andrew is absolutely HATING his new daycare.

Susie called me yesterday after taking him to the church daycare, sobbing.

"He broke my heart," she cried.

"I'll kick his ass when he gets home tonight," I said while trying to brush my teeth and mentally undressing Katie Couric.

"We pulled up into the parking lot and he realized where he was and he just started saying 'No. No. NO. NO. NOOO! NOOO! NOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!' and wouldn't stop crying."

"I hate to hear that," I lied, mentally kissing Katie Couric's inner thighs.

"Then he wouldn't let go of me once we got inside. I sat down and rocked him and that calmed him down for a while. But when I left, he screamed and tears were running down his face and he just kept screaming 'NOOOOOOO!!!'," she said.

"Wow. That sucks," I mumbled, mentally flipping Katie over and slapping her ass.

"It was awful," Susie cried.

"I bet," I said in a daze. "Look, I've gotta go. Have a better day."

"Okay," she sniffed. "Tell me you love me."

"Yeah, okay," I said, fumbling around trying to hang the phone back up.

Damn.

That Katie Couric is looking hotter every day.

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