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5:41 a.m. - 2003-06-17

THE RABBI AND THE MEXICAN WHORE

Kudos to those of you who realized that yesterday's picture of the giant rat in my backyard was a fake.

Repeating ... the photo was a fake.

The story was real.

I DID have a large rat in my backyard.

But he wasn't THAT large.

I'd like to thank Google who responded appropriately when I did an image search for "Big Fucking Rat".

Y'see ... I'm not sure if I've ever stated it here before...but sometimes I tend to exaggerate to get my point across.

And the photo of the nutria/big-assed rat?

That was pretty much exaggerated.


We are enjoying a particularly loud thunderstorm this morning.

I'd tell you more about it ... but let's face it ...who'd believe me at this point?


My massive sunburn from last week is now in full peeling mode.

I'm peeling off layers of skin as big as paper plates.

As I was tugging skin off my body last night, I thought to myself "I bet I could hold a contest on the website to 'Win My Skin' and be able to send all this dead sunburned skin to some lucky winner.

But I couldn't think of a decent contest to hold.

So sadly ... nobody gets my skin.

I know ... the tears, they be a'flowin'.


We bought Andrew a pool the other day.

It looks like this, but not really.

Basically, it's missing the hot babe staring at my child as he stands in the lower pool, freakfucking his ass off.

Some days Andrew loves playing in the water. Other days he doesn't.

Sunday, he didn't.

We bought the pool, brought it home, blew it up, filled it up and Andrew cried.

I lifted him up and put him in the water and he screamed.

I whipped him with a giant rat, screaming "SWIM YOU CRAZY BASTARD! SWIM!!"

...I mean...that's how Daddy taught me.

Anyway, after about an hour of staring at the pool, Andrew finally climbed in and started wading around in the pool.

This lasted all of about 45 seconds and then he begged to get out of the pool.

That was $30 well spent.


Speaking of money well spent, I got a DVD/VCR combo for Father's Day.

I asked for a dirt cheap Home Theater System for the office.

I pointed out this dirt cheap Home Theater System at Walmart two weeks ago and said "I sure would like THAT for Father's Day!"

I got a more expensive DVD/VCR combo because my wife had "never seen such a thing"!

Ummmm...they're pretty prevalent, dear. They're most commonly used by bisexual people because those are the people who have the hardest time of making up their minds as to what they want ... male or female ... hot dog or hamburger ... DVD or VHS....

I'm not bi.

Female, hamburger and DVD please.

Preferably in a home theater system.

Ah well.

There's always next year.

That is ... if I don't chop up my family into little pieces first.

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