NO TURKEY BELCHING HERE

So.

Didja have a happy Thanksgiving?

Did ya?

Huh?

I can't hear you. I asked you a simple question ... "Did you have a happy Thanksgiving?"

Look asshole ... answer me. Yell the answer at your monitor if you have to.

DID. YOU. HAVE. A. HAPPY. THANKSGIVING?!?!?!?!?

Ah.

Cool.

Me too.

We had a lazy Thanksgiving.

No family. No over the river and through the woods to eat spoiled turkey ("It was only nine cents a pound! A little mold won't kill you when it comes to getting a good bargain!")at Grandma's house even though we were invited.

Susie told her Mom that there was "a chance" my sister was coming from Georgia for Thanksgiving.

My sister had no intentions of coming here for the day.

I love my wife.

Anyway ... we had rotisserie chicken rather than turkey because ... ugh. I hate turkey.

Plus ... I have a job.

Which means ... my job had a Thanksgiving luncheon that I had to attend last week where they served ... turkey.

I'm on the board for a few organizations around town.

These organizations have Thanksgiving luncheons.

Where they serve ... turkey.

I don't understand Thanksgiving luncheons.

It's pretty much a done deal that you'll be eating turkey on the actual holiday.

So why have these luncheons where they serve the same dull-assed shit that you're just going to have to turn around and eat in a few more days again?

Do people REALLY like turkey that much?

It's like a dehydrated chicken. I've had some of the juiciest turkeys ever prepared on this earth ... and they're still as dry as corpse vaginas.

Anyway, we had chicken, baked potatoes, yeast rolls and corn.

And it only took ten minutes to clean the kitchen afterwards.

Therefore, my T-giving dinner RAWKED!!

We incorporated a new tradition to our Thanksgiving this year.

I call it "Try To Watch As Many Movies As Possible While Andrew Tugs At Our Arms Wanting Us To Go To His Playroom And Watch Him Play With His Toys Instead".

Despite the constant interuptions from the boy, we managed to watch four movies yesterday.

Oh ... and my wife introduced me to this pretty cool concept. Rather than actually buying DVDs, they have these places called video stores where for a much smaller fee than actually buying the DVDs, they allow you to take home the movie, watch it and then bring it back and exchange it for yet another DVD with another small fee!

Only in America!!

(I've bought 30 DVDs in the last two months. The Mrs. just got the credit card bill. Yes, my ass has been chewed like a toddler's zweiback for the last few days)

Anyway ... here's the films we watched with a little commentary on each:

"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back": No, I hadn't seen the movie yet. I had wanted to. I tried to swap for it three times on Swappington's but got burned all three times ... lost my points and didn't get the DVD. Anyway ... Susie was pretty offended by the language and didn't want Andrew hearing it. I thought the movie was okay, but then when I went to watch the deleted scenes, the guy who plays Jay ... gawd. That boy is creepy. When he had his hair up on top of his head in a bun, and with his cheesy mustache and the fact that I remembered he recently got busted for holding some smack ... I was really uncomfortable watching him. But the movie was okay ... just not as funny as I had expected.

"28 Days Later": A big disappointment. At a party last week, the movie came up in party conversation and I was told to rent the film as it would (quote) "fuck you up"(unquote).

Needless to say, I didn't receive this recommendation at a Thanksgiving luncheon.

I have Stephen King's "The Stand" on DVD.

That flick runs circles around "28 Days Later".

I think what I hated the most is that with the exception of a car alarm near the beginning of the film, every single "shock" is telegraphed moments before the zombies attack.

Boring. Boring. Boring.

"Dumb and Dumberer": I had high hopes for this one since I loved the original.

Maybe it was the fact that I kept dozing off during the flick. But I just couldn't get into it.

I was ready for the end to come 20 minutes into it.

I watched it less than 24 hours ago ... and I can barely tell you anything about the film.

It was the Schick disposable razor of the lot. The one I threw away and forgot about as soon as I was finished with it.

"Bruce Almighty": The shocker of them all. I didn't think I'd like this one. I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan ... the only movie of his I've ever really liked was ... say it with me ... "Dumb and Dumber".

But this one had a ton of funny moments in it. I laughed more in the first 15 minutes than I did throughout both "Jay" and "Dumb" put together.

It made me want to be God.

It's a high aspiration, I know.

But you've gotta start somewhere.