SLOW DAY IN BOBLAND

So tomorrow is my four year anniversary with Diaryland.

What'd ya get me? What'd ya get me?

I've now been here the average length of a college career.

A kid that started college the same day I started this diary graduates tomorrow.

Good luck, kid!

Looks like we both just wasted four years of our lives!

There's this guy who had been calling the office for a few weeks, trying to set up an appointment to meet with me, but I've been busy doing this and that and haven't had time to meet with him.

Finally, I agreed to give him 30 minutes yesterday morning. All I knew is that he had "an idea" for the city.

He comes to my office, and as it turns out, I knew the guy from my barroom days. He's telling me how he's a deejay now and he wants to be the city's official deejay.

This guy is a TOTAL sleaze from what I've heard. He's been dating a girl for the last few years who's in a wheelchair and has a form of muscular dystrophy and is pretty bad off.

But she has a bank account full of cash.

Which he's using to fund several little "get rich quick" scams.

So I listen to him talk about how he has all these ideas for parties and such in the streets of our city.

I sat there quietly, giving him the occasional "Uh-huh" and "Sure!" in order to make him think I was paying attention and wasn't mentally making a grocery list.

At the end of his ten minute spiel I told him that I had recently gotten back into the business.

I didn't have to say anything else. His face said it all. The look of dejection on his face was almost heartbreaking except for the fact that I knew what a creep the guy really was.

"Maybe we can do some gigs together," he suggested, trying to finagle a way to keep himself in the picture.

"Yeah," I said uncomfortably. "Maybe."

He then turned into Mopey O'Mopehead and left.

I kinda felt bad for the guy. He'd been trying to talk to me for weeks and when he finally got there, he realized he was wasting his time. Why would I give him the business when I could do it myself?

And honestly, because it's a conflict of interest for me to deejay city functions, I can't do the things he wants to do.

But he didn't really give me time to explain.

Nor did I feel like explaining it to him.

I guess the whole "bilking money out of a woman in a wheelchair and pretending to be her boyfriend while whoring around on the side" thing kinda ate away at me while he talked.

Q: How can you find an elephant hiding in a tree?

A: Find a big pile of elephant shit near a tree and look up, dumbass.

So I watched part of the "Simple Life" reunion last night.

At one point, Leeza Gibbons, the host with no clue, said "Coming up next, some of Paris Hilton's more infamous moments caught on film".

And you can't TELL me I was the only one who almost broke his ankle jumping out of a recliner and trying to jam a blank video into the VCR, thinking she meant the porn tape.

That's just wrong, Leeza.