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5:32 a.m. - 2004-02-03

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Apparently I chewed the side of my tongue in my sleep last night for several hours.

It feels like a pit bull's soggy rawhide.

I must have skipped the chapter in "Sleeping For Dummies" that went into detail about not chewing your tongue off in your sleep.


I just wanna say one thing ... Janet Jackson has got some weird taste in nipple apparel.

Maybe I'm a prude, but that sunburst thing looks like it would hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks if you're going to be dancing around like a spaz on stage.

And personally, I was more offended by Nelly and his persistent jock itch during the Super Bowl than I was by a brief split second of seeing Janet's boobie from a distance.

Nelly.

Sweetheart.

It's called "Cruex".

Snap some up at your local pharmacy today.


For those of you who were watching "Trading Spaces" rather than the Super Bowl on Sunday, you were treated to the show featuring my former TV co-host, Bonnie.

She was one of the four generations of women on "Trading Spaces: Family" from Alabama.

I only caught a brief minute of the show at the beginning to make sure she was on. I taped it but haven't seen it yet.

Because basically you have to strap me into a chair in order to get me to watch a full episode of that crap, even when I know the people on the show.

I get the premise. Some clinically insane designers destroy a room in somebody's house and we get to watch the homeowners act all shocked at the end.

No thank you.

I already own the home version of "Trading Spaces".

It's called "my three year-old".


And finally ... if you're a female and you want to get big laughs from your friends or co-workers today, try saying this in front of a group of people.

"Ow! My beaver feels like it has several Mexican banana peppers jammed in it!"

I promise you ... chuckles a'plenty, sister.

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