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5:59 a.m. - 2004-02-04

THEY CALL ME "THE MULE"

So I got my testosterone gel yesterday.

And on the instructions it says "If you experience a prolonged erection (lasting longer than four hours), stop using testosterone and seek immediate medical attention."

Sorry doc.

If I get a four hour-long erection, Susie's calling some friends and neighbors and we're making a party out of it.

She can't go more than seven minutes anyway.

I've got the woman trained, I'm tellin' ya.

You know, I can't imagine showing up in the emergency room with the hard-on from hell.

Walking in ... pitching a tent in the pants ... telling the receptionist "I've got an erection that won't go away. Can I see a doctor? Preferably a cute, young one?"

I start using the stuff today.

I'll keep you all informed on my erections.


This stuff is expensive too.

$50 for a month's worth of gel and I have a five month prescription.

When I told Susie, she just grinned.

"It's worth every penny, pencil dick," she said.

I get the feeling she's trying to tell me something.


Because I'm about to be blessed with the penis of an 18 year-old, I decided to celebrate by buying a Corvette yesterday.

Well ... okay ... not a Corvette.

But some pretty cool DJ equipment.

I hesitated to tell Susie because I told her I was just going to buy some cheap hundred-dollar CD players.

When I told her what I had bought, she stared at me for a second.

"Four hour erections?" she asked.

"No," I corrected her. "I bought two CD players for $700".

"Hmmmm," she said. "Could we break that down into four separate hour-long erections?"

Sometimes her head just isn't in the right place.

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