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5:59 a.m. - 2004-02-06

OL' DONALD'S CHICKEN

Andrew shocked me last night.

He "sang" Old McDonald.

Although, to be fair, Simon Cowell would have thrown something at him for his "singing".

The kid hasn't learned how to carry a tune yet.

And he actually sang an abbreviated version of the song.

Went something like this:

"Ol' Donald had a farm.

E-I-O

And farm had a chicken

E-I-O

BAWKBAWKBAWKBAWKBAWKBAWKBAWKBAWKBAWK

Ol' Donald had a farm.

E-I-O"

It was the cutest damned thing he's done in months.

Although I think he's actually singing an ode to McDonald's Chicken McNuggets ... his absolute favorite food.

I'll ask him about it in a few years.


I was asked the other day to judge a local beauty pageant.

I was originally asked to be on the committee. But I've missed the first two meetings for the committee and the lady called me and said "Would you rather be a judge so you don't have to come to meetings?"

Sign me up.

I've only judged two other beauty pageants in my life and I learned one lesson ... you want to be on the road driving home BEFORE the winners are announced.

Some parents tend to get angry when you don't vote for their children.

The first beauty pageant, I hung around with the other two judges to watch them crown the winner.

And then had to put up with the "You SUCK!" chants as I tried to get through the angry crowd afterwards.

The second one, I collected my cash and hauled ass as soon as I turned in my vote.

I used to judge a lot of contests when I was with the local newspaper.

My favorites were the cooking contests.

I judged a chili cook-off one time.

I had technicolor underwear for three days afterwards.


And finally ... you women and your belly-button piercing.

Hasn't this gone a bit too far?

Personally, I've never been a big fan of the concept.

And now they're starting to go beyond just simple decorative rings and putting all sorts of things in their belly buttons.

I say enough's enough.

Have at least some sense of decency, ladies.

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