TAKE THIS BREAD AND WATER AND SHOVE IT

Yeah.

So I got a job yesterday.

It's nothing I'm proud of. But it pays the bills.

Basically, I'm a male stripper.

I'll dress up as a cop, go to bachelorette parties and strip down to a thong while singing "Macho Man".

I've been practicing.

Hopefully I won't get fired the first week.

Actually, that was a lame attempt at a joke.

I'll be deejaying in two nightclubs here in town starting next week.

This guy owns two clubs and needs a deejay to work both clubs. One plays dance music and the other one plays more classic rock and country.

It's good money and I'll only need to work 4-5 hours a night, going in at 8 p.m.

I'm telling myself it's only temporary until a more professional job with regular hours comes open.

But the lure of easy money for a job whose only responsibility is to get people to get drunk and dance may be too strong for me to walk away from when the time comes.

We'll see.

I've got a sales job if I want it.

But I completely suck at sales.

I'd be working with several longtime friends at the job in a business that I worked in several years ago.

I think I'm going to politely turn it down for now.

But once again ... we'll see.

I went out yesterday and handed out business cards for my mobile DJ business to wedding planners and other assorted folk.

I've decided on a somewhat unique approach to getting business.

Basically, I hand you several business cards.

You spread the word about my business.

For each party I line up that you got for me, I pay you $100 cash.

Susie thinks I'm nuts.

And this may backfire on me.

But I charge $400 with no time limit to my party.

I feel like I can afford to pay someone $100 of that if they refer someone to me.

It's a Finders Fee.

And it actually made people sit up and take notice yesterday.

One guy at a Wedding Center had tons of brochures and business cards on his counter.

When I told him that I would pay him $100 for each customer he sent my way that booked a party, he cleared all the brochures and business cards away and put my cards in the front.

It's easy money for him.

I figure I'll do this through 2004.

In 2005, I may drop the Finder's Fee to $50.

Which is still good money for doing nothing more than handing someone a business card.

Hopefully this will work, it'll get my business up and running and I'll be able to spread the wealth a bit to others.

If not, I've always got a prescription for Zoloft.

Speaking of which, I've got to run to the doctor this morning for a 7:30 appointment.

I have no idea why. I guess it's technically a follow-up to my last appointment with him.

Hopefully he'll be able to show willpower and not cram his hand up my butt.

I'm in no mood for anal probes this morning.