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7:16 a.m. - 2004-03-10

AND VANNA'S A ROBOT

When is somebody just going to come right out and admit that the wheel on "Wheel of Fortune" is fixed?

Nearly every time Pat Sajak spins it when time is running out, it either lands on the $5,000 spot or the $300 spot.

Ask yourself this ... has Pat EVER spun a "Bankrupt"?

Nope.

It's fixed I'm tellin' ya.

FIXED!!


I've got a job interview today.

It's with the weekly newspaper that I originally wanted to work for when I lost my job last month but they had already hired an editor.

This will be a full-time job as a staff writer.

I don't want the job.

But I'm going on the interview to try and get my foot in the door for another job on down the line.

Preferably an editor's position.

However, I found out last night that one of the clubs that I'm supposed to be working in (starting tonight) probably isn't going to be needing me anytime soon because even though they just opened last Friday, business is dead.

"Dead" as in "Not a single customer all night" kinda dead.

And since I was kinda relying on this club to help pay the bills around here, I may have to go ahead and take the writing job.

You know ... if it's offered to me.

Which I think shouldn't be a problem because the general manager is an old friend of mine and the position pays soooo little that nobody in their right mind would actually take it.

But the benefits are good and I may take it based strictly on the benefits.

Key word being "may".

Stay tuned for further details.

Or don't.

See if I care.


Speaking of dead nights, we had one last night at the club.

It was Karaoke night which means drunks who can't sing worth a shit all of a sudden think they're Mariah Carey.

I had one woman that was so drunk she couldn't walk straight.

She sang eight songs and then went back and sat at the bar for about an hour.

At 11:30, she stumbled over to the DJ booth and said "I've got to go home".

I said "Okay, see ya next week!"

She said "Can you play my song before I go. I've been waiting for you to play it."

I said "Sara, I've played every song you gave me. You sang them all already."

She said "I did??"

I said "Yep."

She thought about it for a second and said "I guess I can go home then."

Truer words were never spoken.


This has to be one of the funniest news stories I've read in a while.

In case you're so damned lazy that you can't even bring yourself to click on a freakin' link, it concerns a lady in Georgia who tried to pay for $1,675 worth of merchandise at Walmart with a million dollar bill.

Thank God the cashier knew that there's no such thing as a million dollar bill.

And even if there was, how did a woman who looks like a disoriented drag queen get ahold of it?

So the cashier said the bill was fake.

And the woman tried to pay for her merchandise with two gift cards worth a total of $2.32.

The cashier said there wasn't enough money on the gift cards to pay for all the merchandise.

So the lady asks to just cash the million dollar bill for her.

And it was right about then that the police showed up to arrest her dumb ass.

So a word to the wise -- don't go to Walmart today trying to cash a million dollar bill.

They've figured out the scam already.

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