THE EIGHT MINUTE UPDATE

Extremely quick update here ...

First day of telemarketing went okay ... all things considered.

And those things being that I hate both telemarketers AND telemarketing.

Everyone there is really nice and positive and we the temps are treated very respectfully by most of the people there.

One woman treated us like dirt. I asked her how to use the time clock and she said "I don't know. I don't have to use it."

Well la-de-da, bitch.

I just replied "Oh okay. I haven't used one in 20 years myself. I'll figure it out."

And I did.

I can operate a time clock!

WHOOO-HOOOOO!!!

...Christ. How pathetic ...

I actually did the best yesterday of every one of the temps.

They ask that we have a goal of getting 15 people to commit to volunteering for the event (yes, Wendi ... I'm doing what you agreed to volunteer for yesterday).

I managed to get 21 people to volunteer.

The closest one was the "old pro" at this who got 15.

We're told to stick to the script.

I have a hard time doing that. We're supposed to say "You've been charged with a big heart and are hereby sentenced to spend one hour behind bars to raise money for this charity thingamajig".

I'm all "You wanna help or what, ya stingy bastard?"

I think business people are more apt to do it at that point. Men don't want all the cutesy "You have a BIIIIG heart!" crap. They just wanna get to the meat of the phone call, either agree or disagree to do it and be done with it.

Which is what I did.

I'm a telemarketing mofo when I wanna be.

But hey ... it obviously works.

The club was dead last night.

We had one guy that wanted to sing karaoke.

And he was still recovering from a stroke.

Now I'm not going to make fun of stroke victims here. We all know someone who's had one and they're no laughing matter.

But seriously ... if you've had a stroke ... the last thing you need to be doing is trying to sing karaoke.

Well ... that and operating a wrecking ball.

The guy came up with a list of songs he wanted to sing and told me "I'm recovering from a stroke so I may sound like shit. But I'm not sure if we can blame that on the stroke or my voice."

He took the microphone and belted out some Merle Haggard song I had never heard before.

Gawd.

I'll go ahead and blame it on his voice because the guy couldn't carry a tune if he had four arms.

But he was relentless and kept singing until he drove the majority of people out of the bar.

Which was nice because I got to go home an hour early.

Thanks, Strokey!!