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7:23 a.m. - 2004-12-13

THE TRAIN OF THOUGHT ALMOST DERAILS


I updated yesterday.

So technically, I feel as if I don't need to update today.

Plus, yesterday's update was so bone-shattering important that anything I write about today will pale in comparison.

And honestly, I don't have much to write about today.

I enjoyed "Survivor"s finale last night.

MAN POWER!! IT RULEZZZ!!!

Seriously ... it was a battle of the rednecks at the end and the redneck who lied his ass off the entire game beat the redneck who told a whopper of a lie.

And me love watching dem liars!

Ummmmm ... cooked a nice little meal last night ... creole chicken and shrimp over linguine.

Trying to find that freakin' V-Tech V-Smile Game Console for Andrew for Christmas to no avail.

Andrew freezes and drops everything every time the commercial for that crap comes on TV.

Which is not cool because the last time the commercial came on, he was holding a Faberge egg.

...And dropped it.

Because he drops everything, remember?

Actually, that's a damned lie.

I don't own a Faberge egg.

That was just another example of me trying to make a joke when my mind is really focused on the sausage biscuit that's thawing on my kitchen counter.

I'm hungry.

This is turning into a train-of-thought entry.

If my diary was a CD boxed set, this entry would be considered "filler".

Goddammit.

I need to cook that sausage biscuit. I feel like I've got a small Japanese man doing Kung Fu warmups in my tum-tum.

Hang on.

(Two minutes later)

Ahhhhhhh .... porky goodness!

The box said that these were "Jumbo" biscuits.

So naturally, I was a bit apprehensive about cooking it because ... you know ... what if it's too big and I can't hold it.

I could always just dig my face into it while it's on the plate, right?

Well, luckily for me and you ... I could hold it.

Heh.

I have NOTHING to talk about today.

WAIT!!!

SCRATCH THAT!!

So I mentioned that wretched V-Tech thing above ... right?

Well, in yesterday's paper, Target had a circular that touted the system for $46 ... $14 less than the average $60 pricetag.

So I drove the five miles to Target yesterday morning and ... lo and behold ... I don't want to make this anti-climactic, but here it is ... they didn't have a single one in the store.

I asked the homeboy behind the electronics counter if he knew anything about this and he checked and said there weren't any in the back.

What a shocker, Snoop Shit.

He said to call every day to check and see if they got any in.

Which won't work because those people at customer service simply don't give a shit about parents who call and want toys for their kids.

They'll ACT all concerned ... "Oh! Hold on one moment sir, and I'll check on that immediately!"

And then they put you on hold for several hours while they shoot the shit with Myrtle the Popcorn Lady about the latest Lifetime Made-For-TV movie.

Then ... minutes before they're supposed to clock out for the day, they'll take you off hold and say "I'm sorry sir. We don't have any in stock. Please call back tomorrow which is my day off."

I'm on to their scam.

Bastards.

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