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7:51 a.m. - 2005-02-04

SOMEBODY PLEASE SHAKE THIS GUY ALL NIGHT LONG


Volumes of tomes have been written about what has been the worst dance fad in the history of shaking one's ass on a dance floor.

Some say it's the Macarena. Others tend to lean towards the Fox Trot.

However, I have found the dance fad that makes all the others look like Parisian ballets ... the one that can make people go blind from watching.

And that is ... the guy who likes to act out the lyrics to the song on the dance floor ... and is SERIOUS about it.

We've got this guy that comes to the club and does this every night and it's driving me fucking crazy.

Last night I put on AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" ... a song that ran its course 20 years ago but still makes some people go "WHOOOO!" and jump out on the dance floor.

So this guy gets on the dance floor with this barfly that hangs out at the club every night, getting drunk and hitting on all the young military guys.

I'm pretty sure this guy's gay. If he's not, he's the most almost-gay guy I've ever seen.

He starts off dancing with all ten fingertips on his chest.

Go ahead and do it. Put all ten fingertips on your chest right now and just do a slight little dance in your chair.

Feel stupid??

Yep ... that's how this guy dances in PUBLIC, people.

So the lyrics start:

"She was a fast machine ..."

(He's driving an imaginary car while taking one fingertip off his chest to point at the barfly.)

"She kept her motor clean ... "

(He polishes an imaginary motor.)

"She was the best damned woman that I've ever seen ..."

(He shields his eyes from the imaginary sun, points at the barfly and does the universal "sunshine" motion with his hands, hands together, fingers spread wide with the palms facing away from his chest and then making a semi-circle with the hands)

I seriously came close to turning off the music and telling the guy to sit down and never get on the dance floor again.

Instead, I let the music play and we all sat back and enjoyed watching this guy make a complete ass of himself by doing a one-man theatrical production of the song.

Even the barfly was embarrassed for him and kept trying to back away from him as he treated her to his interpretive dance.

My favorite part was during the chorus where they're singing "YOU!! SHOOK ME ALLLLL NIIIIIIIGHT LONG!" and he was stabbing a finger in the barfly's direction for "You!" and would then strangle an imaginary person to interpret the "shaking" part.

God.

That was hilarious to watch.



So I pick Andrew up from daycare yesterday and he wants a treat because recently I've made the mistake of grabbing a few Dum-Dums from doctor's offices before picking him up and now he expects candy on a stick every time I pick him up.

Yesterday, I hadn't picked up any Dum-Dums.

And he wants a treat.

So I look around and see some Dentyne Tango gum.

"Want some gum?" I asked.

"Yes!" Andrew beams.

So I hand him one of these pieces of gum that's like a large Chiclet.

I'm driving down the road and Andrew says "Daddy, take this."

I reach behind me without looking and he puts this tiny little off-white thing on my finger.

I'm thinking it's a bit of the gum because once the gum is cracked, it's off-white in color inside.

And it's somewhat sticky.

So I put it in my mouth.

It's not gum.

Nope.

Yesterday, I happily took one of my son's boogers and popped it in my mouth with glee.

How the hell do you teach your kid not to eat his own mucus when you're shoveling it in your mouth with reckless abandon?

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