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2:37 p.m. - 2005-03-26

UNCLE BOB ... SOLVING ALL THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS ONE AT A TIME

Okay.

Since you're all dying to know my position ... fine. I'll share it.

I think Terri Schitcakes should live.

BUT ... and there's always a big butt in there somewhere ... BUT I think that if they haven't already, the parents need to shoulder the rest of that hospital bill.

The husband wants her to die because A)after 15 years of caring for the woman, sitting at her side and feeding her gruel every day, he's ready to tend to his new woman and kids.

And B) he PROBABLY wants her to go out with a little dignity left.

The parents want her to live because ... hey ... it's their kid. I'm a parent and I know if my kid was on life support I'd be all "Keep the little vegetable alive".

So I think the husband should sit down with the parents and say "Look, I loved the woman and still do. But I can't keep doing this. I'm missing the kids' Little League games and it kinda creeps 'em out when I bring 'em to see Daddy's wife who just stares at them and drools. So, for all intents and purposes, I'm going to convince myself we pulled the plug. If you guys want to keep the plug in, be my guest. Y'all pay the $1,200 a day for her. I'm going to Disney World."

How hard is that?

And the bottom line ... something like that would free up all the taxpayers' money that's being spent fighting this thing in the government.

Gawd.

Do I have to make ALL the decisions around here?



I think what really pissed me off to actually write this is what happened in our fair little city yesterday.

We're only about a billion miles away from Terri Schugarandspice wherever she may be.

And yesterday a couple hundred people went down to one of our government buildings downtown to protest what's happening to Terri.

They all gather on the steps of the building and put masking tape with the word "LIFE" written across it on their mouths.

Ahhhh ... a silent protest.

Then, they all start praying silently for Terri.

Here's a quick recap for those of you having trouble following along ... a silent protest that's nowhere NEAR Terri is being held on the steps of a building that is POWERLESS to do anything about the situation. They may as well have been standing in front of a Walmart.

And here's the kicker ... they were praying so fucking hard that they were rocking back and forth VIOLENTLY.

I'm talking Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man" kinda rocking.

I guess they truly believed that if they prayed the shit out of those prayers, they'd be answered.

They honestly looked like they had Metallica's "Master of Puppets" running through their skulls and they were headbanging rather than praying.

Now honestly ... what good can possibly come from a protest like this?

More than likely when Terri dies, her soul will go to Heaven if you believe in things like that.

And I'm sure God's going to take it easy on her because he can see all -- including CNN -- and he's going to be all "Girlfriend, you've eaten enough shit sandwiches in your day. You get your wings without the usual hazing."

And since most of these protestors were religious nuts ... isn't Heaven supposed to be better than Earth?

Then you should WANT Terri to die so she can be all cushy in Heaven ... right?

And you should NOT want her feeding tube reinserted so she can continue her life as an oxygen-hogging vegetable here on earth.

To me, that makes sense.

So all these people that were praying their asses off downtown should be praying for her imminent death and not her reinstated life.

But somehow, I think they were going the opposite direction.

I dunno.

I don't claim to have all the answers.

But I think I've figured out this riddle.

Put the lady on her parents' insurance.

At the very least ... do it so we can go back to having Michael Jackson's trial be the lead story on the news.

I hate sitting through 3-4 minutes of the latest Terri news just so I can hear what wacky thing Mikey's done in court today.

(My boy Davey G. sent me this link to a new t-shirt we can all buy. He's a sick bastard, that Davey.)

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