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6:35 a.m. - 2005-07-20

MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING


So I work with this guy named Henry.

Henry's probably in his late 50s, early 60s and if you didn't know it by now, Henry recently won $10,000 in the Georgia Lottery.

And while $10,000 is a nice chunk of change to add to your checking account, Henry acts like he's a millionaire now.

Yesterday at lunch, Rosie asked Henry if he wanted anything from Subway.

"I'm thinking of going to Applebee's and having the biggest steak they make," Henry said with his chest puffed out. "After all ... I've got the money for it now."

And while everyone wanted to groan, nobody did because Daddy Warbucks might get offended.

I figure that he had BETTER set aside $4,000 for taxes, leaving him with six grand.

And if he keeps eating $15 steaks for lunch, that six grand will dissipate in a few months.

So anyway, yesterday Henry goes to lunch while the rest of us ate Subway sandwiches in the back room.

At this point, Rosie, who I have come to believe is the living embodiment of the Virgin Mary because she's just so damned sweet, starts ragging on Henry.

HARD.

I'm not sure if her sweet tea was spiked with rum or not, but this old woman GOT DOWN in her vicious verbal attack on the Hen-Man.

"Maybe he needs to use some of that money to fix those green teeth of his," she said between bites of her sandwich.

"Holy cow!" I said, about to choke on my sandwich. "Rosie!"

"What?" she shrugged. "He acts like he's Donald Trump around here. All he won was $10,000. That won't even buy you a decent used car. He could have won $100,000 but the bottom line is ... he's still got those nasty green teeth."

Now I'm not sure if Henry can help the fact that he has green teeth. When I was a boy I knew a kid with green teeth that were stained from his asthma medicine. While that kid couldn't help it, it didn't stop several other children from making fun of him, calling him "Booger Teeth" and things like that.

(And when I use the phrase "several other children", I mean "me")

So when Henry came back from Applebee's, he was prattling on and on about his Bourbon Street steak and how mouthwatering it was.

After about two minutes of this, Rosie finally spoke up.

"You STILL have green teeth!" she said through gritted teeth and then stormed away.

As assistant manager, I probably should have done something at that point like made Rosie apologize.

But Henry took care of it for me.

"I'm getting them fixed!" he protested with a pout.

And for some reason that cracked us all up.

I guess because we all know that he won't. Because then his nickname of "Green Teeth" wouldn't make much sense.

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