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5:44 a.m. - 2005-09-08

ALIVE


Okay, okay ... yes, I'm alive.

I just haven't ...

A) Had the time

B) Been in the mood to update this thing.

My priorities are quickly shifting in the morning from updating this site to more important things.

I have to be at work much earlier each morning than I used to.

Which means every morning I have to prepare breakfast for everyone and THEN make lunches for everyone in this house.

I have to get Andrew up and ready for school which is tougher than a Brooklyn bouncer.

And I STILL like to have a little sleep in the morning as well as watch the news first thing in the morning.

So the website gets pushed aside for a few days.

Thanks for all the emails which I'll never get around to answering because there must be a hundred if there's two.

Yeah.

So anyway.



I'm not going to talk about the hurricane except to mention that it's been the number two thing on my mind for the last 10 days.

Number one?

Number one hits even closer to home and I really don't feel like talking about it just yet.



Couple of things though ...

Was driving to work the other day and saw a car where someone had written something in white shoe polish on the back window.

It said "Do the right thing for the Gulf Coast ... Don't vote for Bush!!"

Two problems with this ...

A) To the best of my knowledge ... there's no election coming up for the next three years or so.

B) Bush can't run again because we've got this sticky little footnote at the bottom of the Constitution that says a president can only run twice.

So hey kids ... if you're going to deface your own vehicle in cheap shoe polish, do us all a favor and research your witty slogan before making an ass of yourself in morning traffic ... hokay?



I took one of the cars in for a few cosmetic touch-ups at the local dealership yesterday, since the thing's still under warranty.

And I noticed a sign that said "Sorry ... we are not responsible for items left in your vehicle."

Hmmmm.

So what they're saying is "We hire crackheads to do our auto repairs and if they see something they like in your car, they're going to take it. We'd love to stop this pillaging if we could, but dang ... our hands are tied, dude. If it's raining and you leave an umbrella in your back seat, it's gone. If you have the latest Kanye West CD in your car ... color it bye-bye, baby. Sorry. We've got enough responsibilities around here without taking inventory of the crap in your vehicle and in our repairmen's pockets."

I decided to take fate in my own hands and left my CDs in the car.

When I picked the car up, all the CDs were still there.

I'm guessing the repair guy didn't need the complete Elvis Costello collection.



And finally ... I've let this go on for months and months and months and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

Usually, I don't like to explain what I write here.

Occasionally, I've apologized for what I've written.

This is not an apology, but an explanation.

Sometimes I write stuff solely to make you THINK.

Most of the time I write just to make a horse's ass of myself.

This is one of those times you were supposed to think, but I came off looking like a horse's ass.

The "Tsunami" entry.

I've caught more hell for that entry than any of the other 1,500+ entries I've written.

And it completely went over 99% of y'all's heads.

So here's the story behind why I wrote that.

And some of you ... I know ... you're going to stick to your guns and still declare me the second coming of Satan.

That's fine.

Bottom line ... you're complete strangers to me and I don't give two shits what you think of me.

But since only a few of you ... and yes ... there were a few who actually figured out what I was trying to say with that entry ... actually "got it", I'll explain it to the rest of you who took the entry at face value.

The day I wrote the entry ... here ... lemme get it for you ... here it is.

It's the last four lines of the entry ... here ... I'll do you a favor and reprint what I wrote:

Your country has just faced one of the worst natural disasters in the history of the world.

Your village has been devastated by earthquakes and tsunamis, leaving no building standing and killing thousands upon thousands of people.

(Photo of dead man face down on a beach with people working to move debris behind him which is now missing from the page)

...And you choose NOW to lay out and try to get a suntan?!?

Comes off pretty callous, huh?

I can get that.

But THAT DAY a news story came out ... I think it was on the Drudge Report (where I found the photo as well) that said that 2-3 days after the tsunami, people were headed back to the beaches.

The smell of death was in the air.

Dead bodies were all over the place.

And still ... people chose THAT TIME to go back and work on their tans?!?

Stepping over dead bodies in the sand to go to the beach when they could have been cleaning up the place?

When I read the story I thought "Man .. this is going to be the big news story of the day!"

And while it was a news story, it wasn't the "big one" of the day. It was just another angle on the tsunami tragedy that Matt Drudge reported on.

So I wrote what I wrote, copped the photo from Drudge and thought "People are going to read this and think 'U.B. is right! How can people go to the beach and work on their tans when they're having to see this on their way?'"

I was wrong.

A few of you guys saw it and wrote me to actually agree with my disgust for people that'd step over their fellow man to indulge their vanity.

Most of you called me names and swore you'd never read me again.

My wife saw it like the majority of you and thought it was crass and tasteless.

Then I showed her the story and asked her to read it again and at that time it made sense to her.

But, as she pointed out, most were going to take it at face value.

And they did.

And rather than me stepping in here and saying "Whoa! Whoa! I'm not a horrible person! You're totally misunderstanding me!" I let it go.

Why?

See the "Total Strangers" remark above.

I simply don't care.

I write what I want to write here.

And if you don't like it, I beg of you ... don't read it.

I DO care and grieve for the people of the Gulf Coast because I'm less than three hours from the Gulf Coast and have lots of friends down there.

You people are right ... it DOES hit close to home when you can drive there in the time it takes to watch "Titanic".

The tsunami was a horrible tragedy.

But as the flood waters start to go down and the small towns on the coast of Mississippi that haven't been mentioned at all on the news because nobody is able to reach them are finally discovered ... Katrina is going to make the tsunami look like a spring rain.

Thousands of people dead.

Millions homeless with no jobs.

Trust me kids.

I'm smarter than I act.

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