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6:24 a.m. - 2005-09-28

AN OPEN LETTER TO SETH MCFARLANE (THE GENIUS BEHIND "FAMILY GUY")

Dear Seth,

You fucked me.

You fucked me hard.

You fucked me so hard that I couldn't catch my breath for close to an hour afterwards and my ass wouldn't stop bleeding and I'm having to walk around with some ball-huggers crammed full of maxi-pads.

Why in the hell did you release that DVD yesterday?

I've been a fan of "Family Guy" way before anyone else.

I went to the Fox Fall Premiere Sneak Preview Party back in the 90s that showed long clips of the show before it ever stepped foot on nationwide television and afterwards when my expert opinion was asked of which shows were going to be hits, I boldly responded "24 and that Family Guy thing".

Sure enough, you were the two breakout shows that are still around.

I own all the Family Guy DVDs.

I even own that book that Stewie Griffin supposedly wrote. I haven't read it and I didn't pay for it ... it was sent to me from your publishing company. But it's in my possession.

Then ... that DVD yesterday.

I was excited to see it.

My four year-old ... who also loves "Family Guy" by the way ... was excited.

What you have released to the unsuspecting public is the worst piece of walrus shit I have ever seen committed to laser technology.

You have taken three upcoming episodes of the show, morphed them together, and expect to pass it off as a movie.

Yet somehow you've managed to extract all of the funny out of it.

How did you do that?

It's actually kind of intriguing. I had no idea you could put together an hour and a half of crap. I thought that there'd have to be SOMETHING funny in it.

I watch your show every week and laugh out loud about 20 times each week.

You couldn't muster a single chuckle out of me in 90 minutes?!?

Hats off to you, Seth. You managed to make one of the funniest things I've ever seen about as funny as brain cancer.

I didn't think it could be done.

But the blood-soaked maxi-pads in my underwear say different.

Keep up the GOOD work ... leave the lame work to "American Dad",

Uncle Bob Stevens

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