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1:12 a.m. - 2006-02-20

GET THAT THING THAT YOU DO DONE, PLEASE


Hey you.

I've been sick, sick, sick. It's like the world's worst head/chest cold but not so bad to be considered the flu.

I still feel like crap, but life goes on and I've gotta stay on the train that leads us all to the big light at the end of the tunnel.

Yeah.

So it's 1:11 a.m.

What the hell am I doing here??

Well ... after taking two Tylenol PM, a healthy chug of some Robitussin and only one Nyquil ... I have no f'n clue what I'm doing here.

I woke up 45 minutes ago after passing out cold at 9:30.

I've got a sharp pain in my lower back which I took two Doan's Extra Strength Kill That Lower Back Pain Pills for.

Still hurts.

And I'm wide f'n awake.


Maybe I'm awake because just before I zonked out three and a half hours ago, Larry the Cable Guy was on my TV.

And he was doing his little comedy routine which causes the inbreds in his audience to hoot and holler like they're at the World Series of cockfights.

And he was following up every other punch line with "Git-R-Done!"

Git-R-Done.

Git-R-Done.

I am so freakin' OVER Git-R-Done.

I doubt that those of you in the North have much of a problem with "Git-R-Done".

But down south, rather than saying anything semi-intelligent, most people just look at each other and say "Git-R-Done" like it's some sort of secret greeting between retarded shriners or something.

The other night at Karaoke, I had some drunken bastard wanting to sing every single song in the Karaoke catalog.

He'd start singing ... oh ... I dunno ... let's say "Friends In Low Places" because that's like the drunken bastard's National Anthem.

He'd belch out "Blame it all on my roots ... Git-R-Done ... I showed up in boots ... Git-R-Done ... Git-R-Done, Git-R-Done, Git-R-Done".

Naturally, his friends thought he was the second coming of Richard Pryor with this non-stop cavalcade o' hilarity.

The rest of the crowd were pretty much ignoring him.

But me?

It's my job to listen to these drunken assholes warble like dying sparrows.

Well, not so much "listen" as make sure I know when the song ends.

But Thursday was the day I left my day job early because I was spewing up gallons of phlegm at my desk.

And Thursday night I dragged my sick ass in to Karaoke Night because if I don't, I don't get paid. And I signed a contract saying I'd be there. And I held the club to its share of the contract by charging them for last Tuesday night when they had mistakenly booked me and didn't need me. So since I had done that, I didn't really have a leg to stand on when it came time for me to fulfill my share of the contract.

So I'm sick.

And this idiot's screaming "GIT-R-DONE!" because he's seen Larry the Cable Guy say it on TV and get mucho laughos from crowds of easily-entertained rednecks so he thinks the same thing will happen to him.

And ... well ... I had just about had enough of "Git-R-Done".

After the 312th time the guy hollered it into the microphone, I waited until his song was over.

I then feebly tried to encourage the audience to clap for this poor excuse for entertainment which they responded with a smattering of applause and a large amount of mindless chatter.

Then ... well ... I went off on the whole "Git-R-Done" phenomenon.

Granted ... it was the fever and the medication talking.

But I basically compared it to when the nerds in high school used to greet each other with "Nanu Nanu" because it was so freakin' funny when Robin Williams said it as Mork so it should be equally funny at the chess players' table in the school cafeteria.

Wrong.

I then said "Nanu Nanu" into the microphone.

Repeatedly.

Pretty much until the crowd began yelling at me to play some music.

I then felt I had made my point and played whatever gawdawful song I had cued up.

"Git-R-Done" Guy took the hint and didn't sing/ruin any more Karaoke songs.

I mopped the fever sweat from my forehead and kept trudging towards the end of the night.

And this morning ... at 1:32 a.m., I implore you ... if you are one of those idiots who are still saying "Git-R-Done" in everyday conversation and expecting everyone to double over in laughter every time you say it ... stop.

Just stop.

It's not funny when you say it.

It's not funny when Larry the Cable Guy says it.

It's moronic, idiotic and stupid.

Find something else equally stupid to say.

I don't care what it is.

"Doughnuts are yummy!"

"I can tie my shoes!"

"Let's eat boogers!"

I don't care.

Just stop with the Git-R-Dones.

Thanks.


My back still hurts like a bitch, but I'm going back to bed.

Thanks for listening.

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