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5:56 a.m. - 2006-03-07

UPDATES? OH, WE'VE GOT SOME STINKIN' UPDATES

Last week I wrote about Princess New Boobs who came out to our club and basically exposed herself to everyone there.

Found out some more gossip about the gal and her actions this past Saturday night:

* Apparently, she was there to get into a fist fight with the owner of the bar, a woman.

* Our owner kicked her out of the bar about two years ago for being a skeezy skank or something. I dunno the reason why she was thrown out.

* It took her two years to come back and kick the owner's ass because she'd been in prison for 18 months for distributing illegal drugs.

* She got her new boobs a few weeks ago and had just gotten the bandages/wrap off that Saturday morning, the day she came out and showed 'em to everyone.

* She was pretty wacked out on some drug that evening.*

* The big redneck guy that she came in with was her "bodyguard" because she came in with the sole purpose of beating up the owner (prison style) and the redneck was there to make sure they got the job done and got out of there on time.

* The owner wasn't in the bar that entire evening. So rather than get in a bar fight, the Princess went with her second option which was to be a total bar slut and make every woman in the bar uncomfortable with her actions.

* The big redneck guy, once he found out that his redneck bodyguard services weren't going to be needed, bailed on her but took her keys with him so she wouldn't drive home.

* She and the gal she was making out with ended up going home with a bar customer and they did the threesome thing.

Yep.

That's one classy club I'm working in, huh?



We've been trying to get along with the new family from across the street.

The wife seems real nice, if not a tad naive.

The husband either has a severe speech impediment or is a deaf mute. Because I've heard caveman grunts that made more sense than he did.

Andrew adores their little boy who's a year older than he is.

Trouble is ... the little boy's a sociopath.

While he's real sweet when we're around, he's a terror when we're not.

Last night the kids on the block were over at our house playing with the fog machine in the garage.

Yes, their parents are most impressed when they're all in our garage with the door closed, fogging up the place so thick they can't see each other and pointing lasers at each other.

Uh huh.

I may not be the smartest guy on the block.

But I'm definitely the coolest in these kids' eyes.

So they open the garage door and the fog goes pouring out of the garage and into the air outside and I go back inside for a minute to check on dinner.

I look out the window and the new sociopath is ... well ... he's pretty much beating the crap out of a girl.

He's hitting her over the head with an empty box. But the girl's kinda dainty and she doesn't respond so well.

Basically she screams at him and then starts crying.

NOWWWWWW the sociopath has to deal with the girl's older brother who's about two years older than the boy.

And takes karate.

And is pretty good at karate.

The older boy puts his arm around the sociopath's shoulders and says "We need to talk."

I loved how he was so cool, calm and collected while doing this.

By this time, I'm back outside cleaning out my car and watching the boys.

The little sociopath decides he's going to make a break for it and run home before the Karate Kid can chop him in the nuts.

Didn't work that way.

As soon as he started to bolt, the Karate Kid grabbed him, threw him to the ground, crossed the boy's arms over his chest and gave him a quick jab to the solar plexus.

Me, being the only adult outside at the time, decided to do the right thing.

...I let the little kid take his punishment for hitting girls.

After the Karate Kid made his point with several punches to the gut, he let him up and the kid ran home.

I don't think he'll be hitting any more girls anytime soon.

Hell ... I doubt he comes out of his house anytime soon.

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