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5:55 a.m. - 2006-04-18

LOST AND ... SOMEWHAT FOUND

Oh hey.

You're still here?

I woulda thought you left weeks ago.

You're probably wondering where I've been, what I've been doing, who I've been doing it with, where I've been with who I've been doing it with and if there were any communicable sexual diseases transferred where I was doing it with who I was doing it with.

The truth is ... I haven't gone anywhere, done anything by myself or with anyone else.

I'm just not really sure I want to be Uncle Bob anymore.

First off, I don't need a big letter-writing campaign begging me to stay because that won't influence me one way or another.

The facts are as follows ...

... There are just too many people in my personal life now reading this diary/journal/blog thing.

These people include my youngest sister who found the diary while doing a Google search for pizza nutrition of all things.

Hi sis! Love ya!

Another is my wife's ex-boyfriend who was dating her right before I started seeing her.

I said some pretty nice things about him as well as some really rotten things about him in an entry that was written when I first started this thing and nobody was reading it.

He googled his name (yes ... I foolishly wrote his full real name ... remember ... this was back when I was getting a hit a day on this site) and VOILA!! There's a half-true story about him and me!

In real life ... I go out of my way to not emotionally hurt people.

As Uncle Bob ... I'm an asshole.

So as you can see ... there's a conflict there.

And with more and more people from my real life stumbling across this site ... they're starting to wonder just who I really am.

I can assure them that I am REALLY the guy they know and not Uncle Bob.

But how do you tell people that without them thinking you're certifiably insane?

"Oh! That Uncle Bob thing?? Oh that's just me being an asshole."

"Well ... you must mean some of it. It's coming out of your head."

"Noooooo! I don't mean any of it. It's strictly for entertainment purposes."

"But you wrote it. So you must mean it."

"Gah. It's too exhausting for me to debate. I'm an asshole, you're right. Just write me out of your life because I have a mean blog on the internet. I completely understand."

You know what??

I'm TIRED of having this conversation with people that I know and know well.

I've lost the respect of friends, family, co-workers, bosses, other diarists and ex-boyfriends of my wife who I haven't seen in 20 years but still respect.

And this has been going on ever since I started writing this thing.

The whole time, I tried to hold my head up high and fight for my Freedom of Speech here and wouldn't let anything deter me from writing this.

Critics be damned! I'll write what I want!!

And after doing it for six and a half years and a shitload of entries ... I think I'm ready to admit defeat.

I've hurt an awful lot of people with this crap and I have apologized countless times for doing so.

That's why the diary has suffered for however long it's been suffering. I have had to censor myself more and more and more the last year or so and had to think "Jeez ... would so-and-so quit being my friend if they read this?"

It's actually quite hard to be Uncle Bob these days when you have to censor yourself every single day to appease your friends and family.

While the majority of readers here got the joke and knew I was just being ornery here ... when a real-life friend stumbles across it and reads some untrue trash that I wrote about them ... you have no idea how that hurts the both of us.

Soooo ... you ask yourself ... is this Uncle Bob's "Goodbye"??

And the answer is ... uh-uh.

Unless you said that outloud, you're probably confused as to whether "uh-uh" means yes or no.

You feeble-minded skunk, you.

No ... this is not goodbye.

Because ... I don't like to say "goodbye".

Never have ... never will.

There may come a day when I go back to writing in this thing more than I did before.

And on the other hand ... I may never write anything here again.

Truth is ... I just don't know what I want to do.

It's been nice getting that extra hour of sleep in the mornings the past three weeks or so.

Truth is ... the only reason you're reading this now is because Andrew woke me up at 5:00 because he wanted chocolate milk and when I went to the kitchen to make him some, he fell back asleep before I could give it to him.

Since I couldn't get back to sleep, I realized I actually had time to do this and decided to fill you guys and gals in on what's been going on the past three weeks.

I have been working really really hard lately.

My business is really taking off.

Which ... another thing ... you people PLEASE quit talking about wanting to find my business website. It's nothing like this site, you'd be positively bored there.

If I wanted you all to visit my business website, I would have given you the address.

You Nancy Drew-mystery solvers that have found it and are crowing about it in the comments section ... seriously ... get a hobby.

And if you want me to DJ a party for you, I'm all for it.

But email me. Email me at unclebob@diaryland.com.

If you're serious about hiring me, I'll be glad to do your wedding or party or whatever.

I've got four readers from this site who have done just that. And now they have me scheduled to do their parties.

Leave that site alone and quit talking about it because ... I don't know a lot of you readers and frankly, you're beginning to creep me out with your desires to pry more into my personal life.

Anyway ... things have been really good here lately and when things are good, Uncle Bob sucks.

Uncle Bob likes to wallow in self-pity and gets all "Waaaa Waaaaa Me. Here's how bad my life sucks" mode.

It's hard to do that when you're going through life all giddy and excited.

I do have some family members going through trying times but that's been going on for a few months now and is nothing I feel like sharing here.

Other than that, life's a bed of roses.

So ... to wrap up this rambling bunch of crap ... I have no idea what I'm going to be doing here.

Writing this on this spring morning with the sun shining through the open window and breathing the fresh air makes me think "I miss writing Uncle Bob. This isn't as bad as I thought it was."

But I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

Basically ... after doing this for six plus years ... I now have a fear of commitment.

And the "it" thing from my previous entry ... "Lost it ... can't find it ... "??

"It" was my passion for continuing to be Uncle Bob.

And you were the first to know. Just like I promised.

So ... in case I don't see you again ... take care.

I've had fun and I hope you did too.


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