RIP ANNA NICOLE'S SON

Y'know ... I couldn't shed a tear for the Crocodile Hunter.

Granted, I had never seen his show, never seen him on a talk show. My knowledge of the man was based on fleeting clips that I'd see periodically on a show.

Plus ... honestly ... when you play with fire you're bound to get burned.

I know that swimming with stingrays isn't exactly "playing with fire" but it was just a matter of time before some cranky crocodile decided "You know ... I don't like all these people standing around with these cameras and lights. And I especially don't like this uber-caffeinated guy in the khakis yanking my jaw around. I think I'll just take off half his head and show him who's boss."

Can we all agree that it was just a matter of time before that scenario played out?

Good.

So then tell me ... why am I so distraught over Anna Nicole's son?

I was one of the few psychos who followed that VH1 show of hers religiously and always felt that her son was such a well-adjusted young man for having such a trainwreck for a mother.

He was a normal kid who ended up taking care of his mother rather than the other way around.

But man ... that story's really taking some twists here lately.

It's looking like he was murdered, but they're saying there's no physical trauma or illegal drugs in his system.

So how was he murdered?

Scared to death?

If it was a heart attack, somebody would say "Hey ... it was a heart attack. A guy jumped out of a closet, screamed "BOO!" and scared the kid to death."

Color me glued to my computer monitor, babe.

Dilana sings like Tina Turner and has one of the most powerful voices I've ever heard.

She even looked the part of a rock star ... multi-colored hair, at least 10 piercings in her head and covered in tattoos.

Naturally, I'd want a tetanus shot before shaking her hand, but the girl could RAWK!

And now she's not the singer for the band formerly known as Supernova and now known as (if they'd just take my advice) "Soopernova".

I was actually pretty bummed out when the winner was announced ... Lukas ... who was actually my second choice anyway.

The worst part is ... now I owe Mattie Gee five bucks because he picked Lukas.

Rabble scrabble Mattie Gee ...

I've been reading everything I can about stage hypnosis and studying tapes and stuff and am ready to conquer the corporate world with my blend of comedy and hypnosis.

Yea, I shall LIGHT ZEE WORLD OF CORPORATE COMEDY ON FIRE!!

...And get paid $2,000 an hour to do it.

My family is ... ummmmmm ... not all that behind it.

Susie is.

Andrew hasn't really been told because quite frankly, his exposure to stage hypnotists is limited to say the least.

My dad and sisters are apprehensive and are all "Whatever".

HA!

I'LL SHOW THEM!

3, 2, 1, SLEEP!!!

THEN THEY'LL BE BELIEVERS!!

HA!

HA HA!

HA HA HA!!

HA HA HA HA H...choke ... HA HA HA !!

Sorry ... gotta grape stuck in my throat. Gotta go.