HAPPY NEW YEAR, BITCH

Geez Louise ... where to start?

Christmas was awesome. And I don't mean "good". I mean AWESOME.

I had told Susie that since I had busted my ass all year long, I wanted a Christmas that featured at least one gift under the tree that I wasn't expecting.

That gift ... wow ... that gift propelled me square into the 21st century.

Yes, ladies and ... well ... there are few gentlemen who actually read this bullshit ... sooo ... more ladies ... Daddy got an iPod.

One of those 80 gig bastards. Holds 20,000 songs.

Holy moley.

I have discovered that because I work with music that there are few songs that I'm not completely sick of.

Def Leppard? No thanks.

Prince? I don't think so.

Scissor Sisters? What do I look like??

So I'm up to like 2,200 songs and most of those are crap that I haven't listened to since I was a teenager.

Yes, I got a $400 iPod for Christmas.

And I'm probably the only iPod owner in the world with the collected works of the immortal Bay City Rollers on it.

Last Wednesday, I got a call from the manager of the bar that I work with and am sick to death of working at.

"I've got a proposition for you," she said.

I was ready to shoot her down in flames. I had purposefully priced myself way too high for New Year's gigs because frankly I wanted a night off. If someone was ready to pay me three times my normal amount, I'd be there with a smile on my face. If not, screw ya ... I'm staying home.

(I stayed home)

Anyway, I thought that's what the manager was calling about.

Nope.

"If you want, we can tear up your contract for January and you can quit the club," she said.

Huzzah?!?

I was planning on quitting the gig at the end of January and not renewing my contract for the rest of the year.

Well, they beat me to the punch.

They decided THEY weren't going to renew my contract past January 31st.

Apparently, a few people complained that my total lack of enthusiasm for Karaoke Night was hurting their feelings or some shit.

I guess by saying "Welcome out to Karaoke Night ... or as I like to call it ... a complete night of utter sonic hell" over the microphone every week solidified the fact with the clientele that I didn't fully support the promotion.

So I was given the option of quitting now or working out the rest of January with the knowledge that at the end of the month I'd be booted out on my ass.

After about 2.5 seconds of thought, I agreed to never step foot in the club again ever ever ever.

They've replaced me with a known heroin addicted DJ.

They apparently don't know he's a smackhead.

Good luck to 'em.

(Man ... I'm just all over the place today).

Andrew had a ton of gifts to open.

A week later, there's still two gifts that he hasn't bothered to open ... one of those "I Can Play" pianos and his remote control tarantulas.

I'm hoping we can get around to opening them today.

Anyway, he got so many presents that he was overwhelmed and had to go to his room to cry.

It was really kind of weird and we were pestering him as to what was wrong and he finally blurted out "Santa brought me too many presents!"

I guess there's a shitload of pressure on the kid to be extra special good in 2007.

It looks like my gold membership has expired.

Which can only mean one thing.

Don't get too attached to me, baby.

I'm a free spirit now.

No telling where I'll wind up next.