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6:13 a.m. - 2008-04-11

AUNTIE EM, AUNTIE EM, IT'S A PARTICULARLY GRAY CLOUD, IT'S A PARTICULARLY GRAY CLOUD!

I live in Alabama.

This time of year, the people in charge of the school systems (which are always at the bottom of the nation's school systems or some years ... as we like to say ... "Thank God for Mississippi!") the people in the schools go positively fucking bonkers.

Okay, we all freak out when snow comes once every six years because southerners have no idea how to drive in snow. We usually get a dusting of snow and that's it. Yet, school systems shut down at even the THREAT of snow.

I can understand that.

Today there's a 40 percent chance of rain and isolated thunderstorms.

The chance is better that it WON'T rain than it will.

And one school has already said that classes will end at 11 a.m. due to "impending threat of severe weather".

Hold up, Mr. Kotter.

It's a 40% chance of rain and ISOLATED thunderstorms.

Well by God, that's enough to send us in a TIZZY, young man! Batten down the hatches ... it could be CLOUDY by 11 a.m.

This is about the third time this has happened in four months.

We have a weatherman who's the human equivalent of Chicken Little. If the threat of severe weather is even gossiped about, he's on the air non-stop until the rain moves into another state and far far away from here.

Four months ago, he was on the air nonstop as a small cluster of storms headed towards our area.

He called these "dangerous" storms. They were about 200 miles west of us and moving east.

Because of his hysterics, nearly every school got out early and parents were frantically racing around the city trying to pick their kids up and take them back to work with them.

The rain FINALLY started about 7 p.m.

The storms had fallen apart by then and it was just a nice steady rain.

On the 10:00 news, Chicken Little said "I think the school systems overreacted by closing up early".

I seriously wanted to drive down to the TV station, bust through the door with the blinking red "ON AIR" light above it, march over to the weatherman and begin whaling away on his head during the live broadcast.

I would have done it too.

Except I would have had to get out of bed, get dressed, brush my teeth, comb my hair (I'm on TV ... gotta look good), drove 20 miles to the TV station and by the time I got there, Jay Leno would be interviewing his second guest.

So I didn't.

But that brings us to today.

It might rain, it might not.

But hundreds of parents have to drop everything at 11 a.m. because their kids will be out of school due to "impending rain".

A fucking break I'd like to be given.



Andrew's finally getting into music which should have me just positively thrilled.

Unfortunately, he's into the one area of music that I have little interest in.

Classical music.

"Dad," he said to me the other day as I was on the computer. "Could you download some Franz Schubert songs for me?"

"Sure," I said, taken aback. "Anything in particular?"

"Well, I like his Unfinished Symphony No. 8 in B Minor," he said. "But I like Ave Maria as well."

Well then.

This is the first I've heard of this.

But it certainly wasn't the last.

We also downloaded Edvard Grieg's Wedding Day at Troldhaugen and of course a slew of Beethoven.

And The Hold Steady's "Killer Parties" which is the absolute best song ever recorded ever ever ever but Andrew hadn't heard it.

He wasn't impressed. Apparently it wasn't classy enough for him.

So my seven year-old kid is walking around jamming out to classical music on the iPod while I rock out on alternative indie tunes.

Kids today.

What can you do with them?

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