January 31, 1980

No school. Went to work. Saw Tenae, that's about it. Mom and Dad went to Hickory Smokehouse and brought home some delcious ribs. I went over to Mitch's tonight to film the ending credits for the movie. This movie is so stupid.

Supposed to go bowling tonight, but Rich and I went to Pat's. Had one Miller beer and got a buzz.

"Dracula Sucks" starts tomorrow night and I can't wait. It's X-rated. If we get in, it'll be my first X-rated movie. I wonder what all will be shown.

Still mad about missing the Aerosmith concert last night.

I need a girlfriend. I wonder who it'll be? It could be a girl I never pay attention to (Nicki) or a girl I'm in love with (Jane). Well, I hope it's a Jane.

Had a weird dream about the locker room at Opryland. It was co-ed and Hadley and "Buttons" from Security were screwing in the shower and I walked in. Weird."

Alright...once again...a diary entry from my 18th year. Let's dissect...

Christ...I bowled a lot in high school. No wonder I wasn't getting laid.

I have no idea who Tenae was. I musta had some sort of mad crush on her.

The movie we were filming was a class project a friend of mine had called "Christmas With The Shah". It was some politically charged madcap comedy that absolutely sucked whale shit. At one point, during a crucial scene, I walked in front of the camera in a smoking jacket and scarf and said "Judy Judy Judy" because Mitch's mom thought I looked like a young Cary Grant.

Yes...it was THAT shitty.

The days when one beer gave me a buzz are just a distant memory now.

I ended up actually working security for an Aerosmith concert in Knoxville, TN in 1982 so I did finally get to see Aerosmith. In fact, I was one of Steven Tyler's "carriers". He was so whacked out on heroin that two guys had to carry him to his microphone stand while one guy followed behind in case he slipped to the floor in a coma. He was the most fried person I've ever seen in my life, but once the spotlight came on him and he had his hands on his microphone stand it was night and day. The whole experience left me with an empty feeling...my boyhood hero was totally fucked up now. So, nobody was more happy than me when the band sobered up and reached even higher pinnacles of success.

My girlfriend problems as a senior in high school were my biggest distractions. ALL I WANTED was a girlfriend, but I never felt like I deserved one. I always thought I was ugly and fat. Years later, in college, I found out from numerous ladies that my low self-esteem was hardly warranted. One girl, who was I just thought was IT in our high school admitted one night in a bar in college that she had a crush on me in high school but was too shy to talk to me. I was floored. I thought I was gross and Miss Most Friendliest was all over my gross vibes.

So ... you're dying to know...did I get with Nicki? Did I get with Jane? Or did I find someone else?

Yes ... yes ... and OH HELL YEAH.

Keep reading tomorrow.

UNCLE BOB'S HOUSE OF FUN