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5:15 a.m. - 2000-11-29

I...I...I...I...

Being a guy sucks.

For the last 90 minutes, I've tried to console a hungry baby. He was crying, kicking, trying to suck his fingers, rooting around for an errant nipple to just come flying into his face to no avail.

I did this so my wife could get some sleep. She was tired and wanted a rest at 3:30 a.m. Who could blame her??

Except I had NO IDEA the kid hadn't eaten in two hours when I agreed to sit up with him and pat his temperamental ass. I thought he was freshly fed and was about to pass out.

Wrong-o.

If I was a female, more specifically, his mama...I coulda fed him, taken care of the problem, and calmed him down several notches.

But I'm not, I couldn't, I didn't and I never will.

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I got a handwritten Christmas Card from our Governor yesterday. Whether or not it's his handwriting is anyone's guess, although I do think it's his wife's handwriting.

I also got an invitation to the Governor's annual Christmas party held at the Governor's Mansion each year. This is where they light the tree and all the politicians and media stand around and go ooh and ahhhh.

This is either the third or fourth year we've been invited to this shindig. Susie has always wanted to go, but I've hung out with the Governor in his mansion and it's no big thrill for me.

...Plus...I don't have a THING to wear...

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My Sister-in-law is still here. I can handle her okay ... it's when her four boys are introduced to the mix that situations can get a bit heated.

Anyway ... the first day my sis-in-law was here, she was dispensing helpful advice and helping out around here.

That's quickly fallen by the wayside.

There's stacks of dirty laundry in the hallway that she said she'd get to.

Now, before you get off calling me a sexist pig, I'll do almost any chore around the house...but I screw up laundry every time. Everything either comes out pink, shredded or shrunk.

So I don't do laundry. Actually ... I don't do the actual putting the laundry into the washer. I WILL transfer wet clothes to the dryer, fold clean clothes and put clean clothes up in their proper places.

So technically, I DO laundry, I just don't put the clothes in the washer, gauge what temp to wash it, etc.

Christ. Have we actually reached the point where I'm defending my laundry habits??

This diary has just been officially dubbed "sad and pathetic" by me.

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Oh...so anyway...my sis in law has just sunk into a mode where she wants to eat ice cream and watch R-rated movies while she's here.

Last night, she asked me what I was planning on cooking for dinner tonight.

Ummmmm....I'm WORKING all day, sis-in-law ... you're going to be home and in the kitchen eating ice cream all day ... maybe YOU can put the spoon down long enough to whip up a meat loaf or something.

I like to cook and all. But after five hours of sleep and a full day of work, I'd like to pass off the cooking duties to somebody who's just been hanging around all day, flipping channels.

...Speaking of which...I get home last night and the sis in law has broken our cable box. I have no idea what she did but she admitted to messing with the wires in the back and hitting all types of buttons.

Gee...thanks, Ms. Cable Installer Lady ... thanks for screwing up the cable box. Next time I need an expert to fix the TV, I'll call you, you imbecile.

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Rosa Parks, the mother of the Civil Rights movement, is coming to town on Friday. It's not quite the Rolling Stones, but this town takes what it can get. Anyway, there's a new Rosa Parks Library and Museum celebrating its grand opening on Friday and she's coming down to be part of the celebration.

I might go down to the grand opening just so I can keep asking Rosa to get up and move to another seat and see how many times she'll do it before she refuses to move anymore.

Could be fun.

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I'm tired. I have a dog to walk, a kid to check, a shower to take and a friend to pick up and take to work.

When am I ever going to get enough sleep where I can go back to being the cranky old Uncle Bob we all know and despise??

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

What magazines can you not do without?

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