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4:40 a.m. - 2001-10-01

WE INTERUPT THIS DIARY FOR A SPECIAL ANDREW REPORT

Ah ... just got back from my morning walk ... I feel refreshed and invigorated.

Check with me again at 6 a.m. and let's see how I feel then.


I think I feel a cold coming on and I think I caught it from Andrew.

He's been crawling around with the sniffles for about a week now and then he wants to kiss me for 30 minutes straight. Meanwhile, I'm all "Ewwwww" and trying to push his snotty upper lip away from me.

The cheek, Andy...kiss the cheek.


Since it was a pretty non-eventful weekend, I'm going to grant the wishes of a few anonymous folks on the Message Board and give you an update on Andrew's activities.

I know, I know..."What is this?? Uncle Bob actually talking about his child for once?!?"

Yeah. I figure some of you probably didn't even know I had a baby boy and thought I was talking about Andrew, the Diaryland Guru all this time like we were gay lovers or something.

...Which we are.

But that's not the case here.

OH!

Before I forget...I did have one interesting telephone call this weekend.

Tara from Hissyfit and Mighty Big TV called me on Saturday afternoon out of the blue.

Her goal was to call all the MBTV writers at the end of the TV season last May and wouldn't you know it...I was just getting my phone call ... in late September.

That's alright though. I'm a tough piggy to get ahold of anyway.

So we're talking...about the diabetes and then about the MBTV stuff and Susie's sitting there mouthing the words "Who is it?? Who is it??"

NOTHING is more distracting than someone sitting next to you mouthing "Who is it?? Who is it??" over and over again.

So I'm silently mouthing back "Tara...the girl who runs Hissyfit and Mighty Big TV".

Which has Susie even more confused. So she hands me a pen and paper to write it down.

So I scrawl "TARA" while trying to talk to Tara about my diet and exercise.

Susie gives me a "Huh?" face. So I snatch the paper back and write "MBTV" on it.

Another "Huh?" face.

I should have just said "Tara, hang on a second...my wife is doing her impression of a four-year-old and I have to pacify her for a minute or so."

But Tara was calling from Canada and those calls cost like $30 a minute or something so Susie would just have to sit there until the "Huh?" look stayed on her face permanently.

Wrong.

Susie drew some question marks behind MBTV. So I scrawled out "Mighty Big TV" while trying to hold a decent conversation with Tara that didn't sound like I was aimlessly masturbating, which, judging from my halted speech and incoherant thoughts...she must have thought.

Susie saw these words and made the "Ohhhhh!" face.

I really wanted to poke her in the eye for being such a buttinski.

Anyway....Andy update...

Let's see....he's still crawling and crawling faster than most puppies now. He can walk if he's holding onto something, such as the length of the sofa or one of his play toys, but he cannot walk alone yet.

He will turn 11 months old tomorrow.

His favorite food these days are Graham Crackers and peanut butter sandwiches. He seems to love anything with peanut butter on it. His favorite baby foods are sweet potatoes and bananas. He also eats potato peels and banana peels and anything that might be on the floor. He tried to eat a dime the other day.

His favorite television show is "Wheel of Fortune" but I think he's growing out of it. He likes the wheel and all its colors, he likes the sound it makes when the puzzles are introduced, he likes looking at the big letters as they're turned around.

But nothing...and I mean NOTHING gets his attention like his Baby Mozart videotape. He's been watching that for 10 months and gets more excited now when it's on than ever.

His latest trick was unveiled yesterday. He was fussy so I got him a graham cracker and made him sit on my lap while he ate it. It was such a good graham cracker that he would take a nibble and then put the cracker to my lips where I would take a nibble. Then him. Then me. Then him. Then me. So basically, he's learning the concept of sharing, however unsanitary it may be.

His favorite activities are opening and closing the cabinet doors in the kitchen and pulling Tupperware out and banging on it. He's also hellbent on helping load the dishwasher, although all he really does is pound on the door while you're loading it.

And if you ever need the refrigerator door closed...Andy's your baby.

He also is quite fond of taking the dog's water dish and turning it upside down, pouring water all over the floor. This amuses him to no end and has led to the dog having carte blanche to drink out of the toilet.

He still loves a good bath.

He hates to have his diaper changed and makes every diaper change into an adventure of wriggling, squirming and twisting.

He learned how to turn the lights on and off using the light switch on the wall on Saturday. So now he's the official light turner-onner and offer around the house. Heaven forbid Susie or I try to turn a light off now. Lift him up and let him do it and nobody gets hurt.

He likes sitting on my lap while I'm on the computer. But his main goal is to take everything that he can get his hands on and drop them to the ground.

He's also quite fond of my tasty wrist pad for the keyboard. That's usually the first thing he picks up and shoves in his mouth. He ate a large chunk of it on Saturday.

He's slowly learning how to pet the dog without hurting her, although he still likes to grab a fistful of fur on top of her head and twist with all his might.

He thinks everything tastes better once you've poured water on it.

He answers to Andrew and understands that "No-no!" means "Temporarily stop what you're doing, look at me for a second, then go back to what you were doing until somebody picks you up and takes you away from whatever it is you're doing."

He loves his toothbrush but hates brushing his teeth.

He now has eight teeth...four on top, four on bottom, all perfectly white.

He's thinking about being a pumpkin for Halloween but hasn't committed to the idea yet.

His favorite song is "Old McDonald".

His favorite singer is his daddy.

His favorite audiotape is "Songs From The Big Blue House" which quiets him down immediately.

He loves new toys for about two minutes. Then he'd rather have Tupperware.

His favorite bedtime books are Baby Faces and Goodnight Moon because they taste good.

His most popular saying is "Hey Dad!". Except it comes out "Aaaaay Daaaaaa".

His favorite color is Tupperware clear.

His favorite toy is the remote control for the television. He chews on it so much that his slobber will get down into the crevices of the remote and short it out for a number of hours. Ususally if we leave the remote upside down overnight, it dries out and is good the next day.

He doesn't like being ignored and thinks everything he has to say is the most important thing in the world and he says it with authority (i.e. a loud voice).

He's learning to sing softly with each word being "La".

It still takes an act of congress to get him to smile in public. When he's in public, he's dead serious, taking in the world around him. I find myself apologizing to everyone at church each week and imploring that the kid is a barrel of fun at home while he's Tom Brokaw at church.

That's about all I can think of. He's still the cutest baby in the world and the apple of my eye. His dimples are getting even deeper and his smile even bigger.

Oh.

And he found his penis the other day during a diaper change.

God help us all.

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