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09:41:29 - 2000-08-15

WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN ASSHOLE?

Alright...first off...since I hurt so many feelings yesterday with my botched attempt at humor, there won't be any more installations of "Diaryland Island".

While some of you took it as it was meant to be ... A JOKE...others were offended on how I "saw" them.

Ah well...ya live and learn...

I'm sorry to those I offended. As I said in your emails...it won't happen again.

Now then...

I'm stealing an idea from Sinnamon, who I'm sure didn't come up with the idea herself...but she's the one who I've noticed used it most recently.

I'm going to answer some Frequently Asked Questions that have been asked of me lately. From here on out, we will refer to them as FAQ, which I hope doesn't OFFEND anyone.

... tee hee....

So here ya go...

UNCLE BOB'S FAQ

* WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?

I ain't got no problem, Man.

* WELL ... YOU SURE ACT LIKE YOU'VE CHANGED, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Nope...sorry. But I'm telling ya...it's the same old me.

* HAVE YOU LOST YOUR EDGE, MAN?

I'm about to lose the edge of my foot up your ass if you don't knock it off, man.

* YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUNNY, DON'T YOU?

Honestly...I don't think I'm that funny. I just think my imagination runs a bit faster than everyone elses.

* ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I'M RETARDED?

Jeez man...calm down...I didn't say that.

* DO YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?

No...it's too hot. Let's just stay inside. But please...I don't want to fight.

* WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND, DUDE?

It was a joke, man. Calm down.

* HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO KICK YOUR ASS?

If it could actually be done, I doubt I'd like it very much.

* HI UNCLE BOB. SORRY ABOUT MY JEALOUS BOYFRIEND, HE'S SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS SOMETIMES. DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY?

I dunno. All I've done is seen your photo on your diary. I mean...you're cute...but "Sexy" to me is more than looks.

*WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SEND YOU A NUDE PHOTO?

As much as I would probably like that, I'll have to decline.

* ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T THINK I'M SEXY?!?

I didn't say that. You misunderstood me.

* ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY?

Jesus...no. I'm just...I'm trying to answer some questions here.

* DID YOU KNOW THAT A LOT OF MEN THINK I'M SEXY?

I'm sure they do. I'm sure you're very sexy. I just don't know you that well.

* I THINK YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.

That's not a question, that's an opinion. Hit the road, Toad.

* ARE YOU REALLY THE GUY THAT WRITES THE BRAD PITT DIARY?

Yeah, that's me. That thing you see on TV and in the movies they call "Brad Pitt"? That's a cyborg. There is no such thing as "Brad Pitt-Hollywood actor." It was all me. Me. MEEEE!!!! I'm also the guy that writes Dlove's diary, the original Dlove quit writing the diary three weeks into it and I picked it up from there. I'm also Gawain, The Fool and Meximick.

* REALLY?!?

No...not REALLY.

*WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?

See Question #1.

There you have it. The most frequently asked questions of me. I sure hope this cleared up any controversies.

********************************************

QUESTION OF THE DAY

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE COMEDIAN?

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