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6:05 a.m. - 2002-02-15

HOWSA 'BOUT A BIG PLATE OF HEARTBURN...BAM!!!

This is going to have to be quick. We've been up with the boy since 4 a.m. It's now Susie's turn to watch "Baby Mozart" with him and go "Red ball! Red Ball! Yellow Triangle! Yellow Triangle!" as the kid sits there dumbfounded and chews on the remote control.

V.D. was a non-eventful one. I took Moxie's lead and wrote Susie a nice little list of all the reasons I love her. I'd throw the list up here so you guys could see just what a softie I am, but there's a lot of stuff like "I love you because you suck dick really good" things in there that I don't think you need to be reading.

Okay ... I didn't put anything like that in there. It was very sweet and personal and you have no business reading it.

Really.

You don't.

I mean...I say things like "I love the way you twist your nipples until they're blue while you watch 'E.R.'"...that's kinda personal...you know??

Or "I can do without that whole shit-eating fetish of yours, but I guess you're just trying to prove your love for me". I mean...do you guys REALLY want to read that??

See?

I didn't think so.

Hell.

You just read three-quarters of the note.


I actually cooked one of the best meals I've ever attempted last night.

I gave Emeril's Seafood and Sausage Pasta with Essence Cream Sauce a whirl.

Man.

Talk about delicious.

If you don't mind spicy...this is the dish for you. It's spicy. But ohhhhhhh so good.

I know why the swarthy bastard always says "BAM!" when he finishes a meal. That's the sound the food makes when it hits your stomach.

BAM!

My diet took a quick vacation last night as I wolfed this dish up.

God...it was good.

And I've got leftovers for lunch.

Hallelujah. There is a God.

A God of delicious spicy food anyway.


We're going out to dinner tonight.

Somewhere nice.

That's our actual Valentine's gift. That's all we want anyway.

Well...we got that entertainment center. She got a relaxation mask and I got a CD holder thing.

That's enough really.

Oh.

I bought Andrew a big Pooh balloon yesterday.

Now...correct me if I'm wrong...but I thought that if you put a deflating helium balloon in a hot car all day, the gases will expand and the balloon will blow itself back up.

Keep in mind ... I used to do a shitload of drugs in my day. So maybe this trivia is just the remnants of a bad acid trip or something.

But I left Andrew's Pooh balloon in the car all afternoon.

At 5:00, Pooh's arms and legs were like pipe cleaners.

He was losing helium fast.

I panicked like it was my son losing blood real fast.

I drove home as quick as possible and threw Pooh in the house, hoping a normal atmosphere might be what he needed.

This morning, his arms and legs are still thin.

I had to tell Andrew that Pooh was dying quickly.

Lucky for Andrew, he doesn't understand the concept of death yet.

But he understands a helium balloon is supposed to float in the air, not lay alongside of him like a dog with no legs.

So he's a bit ticked off about Pooh just laying there.

Maybe that's why he got up at 4. He was having horrible nightmares about his Pooh balloon dying.

Speaking of which...the tape's over. It's my turn to go watch him.

Adios.

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