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05:37 a.m. - 2001-03-21

BUTTLOADS OF BORING NEWS

Wow.

So I go to get a Gold Membership from Diaryland, because dammit...I think I deserve it ... and the damned thing won't take my credit card.

It says I've reached my "decline limit".

WTF??

I know that we were dangerously close to reaching our limit about six months ago and that we took out a loan that paid off all our credit cards and now we just pay one big lump of moolah to the bank to show our appreciation for paying off the credit cards.

I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT.

And I only have one credit card now, because we found out when we were younger that the more credit cards we had, the more money we foolishly spent.

So now we have one credit card that we use in case of emergency.

A Gold Membership?? That's got "EMERGENCY!" written all over it, dude.

So Diaryland doesn't want my stinking money, huh??

Screw ya, Diaryland.

SCREW YOU!!!

(Uncle Bob folds his arms across his chest, turns around on his heels and walks away from his computer to the other side of the room, pouting.)

NO! Screw it!! I DON'T want to be part of Diaryland anymore.

Screw Diaryland! Screw Andrew! Screw the Army!!

SCREW ALL OF YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

...Alright...fuck it. I'm back.

Anyway, this does irritate me and no...I don't wanna pay by check...and no...I don't wanna pay by telephone.

I WANNA PAY BY MY GOOD CREDIT CARD THAT HAS A FULL AMOUNT OF LIMITATION ON IT!!!!

Jeezum Crow...is that too much to ask???

Hello??

Bueller??

Bueller???

Mebbe I'll try it again later.

Yeah.

Mebbe.


Andy's doing much better...thanks for asking.


I have not been working much at the office lately, and I feel it's about time the owner calls me into his office and tells me he's about to fire me if I don't start showing up more often.

But...in my defense...I had in-laws come into town last week that I had to go home and wait on for two days straight.

I've had a sick kid this week.

I'm trying to get things together for my "Biggest Rat" competition.

I haven't felt like working.

I've looked for excuses to not go into the office.

I'm lazy.

I hate work.

I hate going into the office.

I hate my boss.

I'd like to sit at home, watch some TV, nap, play with my kid and clean house.

I should have been born a rich housewife.


So I'm not going in today until about 1:00 or so.

HEY! Daycare won't take my kid because he's had a fever, and Grandma can't get here until after noon and Susie stayed home yesterday to watch the kid so today's my turn to watch him for half a day and there's nothing to do at the office on Wednesdays anyway except clean all the crap off my desk and prepare for another week which I can do on a Thursday if I needed to anyway.

So GET OFF MY BACK, BITCH!!!

Sorry...just preparing for a showdown at the OK Office.


I'm beginning to suspect something funny going on at my local favorite Chinese take-out place.

My fried rice has had some strange looking stuff in it lately. Granted, there's always SOMETHING foreign-looking in there that I look at and think "Should I eat this?" But then I always do and I've lived through it so far.

Yesterday, there was this white thing that looked like a dead maggot in my rice.

I stared at it for a few seconds, debating on whether or not to eat it.

I ate it.

Couldn't taste a thing really. Tasted like soy sauce.

But it sure did look funny.


I made up a joke yesterday.

Here it is. Please laugh afterwards, even if you don't get it.

What did the Korean guy say when he took a bite of Kentucky Fried Chicken?

"Tastes like dog."

Y'see?? Because Koreans supposedly eat dogs.

I think it's Koreans.

Maybe it's Thai people.

I'm not sure.

Anyway...laugh it up, Chucklebutt.

BWAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!

I called YOU Chucklebutt!!!


Please don't ever pin me down and ask me to pick my favorite flavor of Chex Mix, because there's just no way I could do it.

I thought it was "Bold Party Flavor".

Now I think it might be the "Honey Nut" stuff.

God.

My life...it's soooo complicated.


I certainly don't wish that I had been born retarded, but if I had, it wouldn't be so bad because I've gotten the walk down pat.


Heh.

I've got the local morning news show on my TV as I type this, and the weather guy just fell out of his chair. Now the newscasters can't quit giggling.

Only in Alabama.


Gotta go wake the wife up...be right back...

That wasn't so tough. She was already up.

She said I got up in the middle of the night and looked around to make sure Andy was okay.

I remember now that I had a dream where our baby was all a dream and that we didn't really have a kid.

I remember freaking out and thinking "I'm sure I've got a son" and got up and went into the bedroom to make sure he was there.

Oh. I was sleeping in the guest bedroom while Andy slept with Susie while he's sick. So I left the guest bedroom and sleepwalked into my regular bedroom to make sure Andy was there in case you were confused.

I have a feeling I've spent wayyyy too much time describing something that you couldn't give two shits about.

Sorry.


I've gotta do something about all the MP3s on my hard drive.

I've got over 1,500 on my drive and it's really starting to slow my machine down.

Yep.

Sure is.

Christ. Can you tell I have run out of things to talk about here?

Should I just go ahead and end it right here?

Should I??

SHOULD I???????


MP3 DOWNLOAD OF THE DAY

GOD'S PROPERTY: "Stomp"

Yes, it's got religious overtones. Yes, it rocks my socks. If this song doesn't get your booty thumpin' then you ain't got no booty to thump, junior.

DOWNLOAD IT NOW!!


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