Comments:

pork tornado - 2004-01-22 08:21:12
Damn, that sounds like fun. Hope everything comes out alright. In every sense.
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IshKabibil - 2004-01-22 08:31:22
UB, my Momma had one 3 weeks ago and unfortunately that chalky stuff does indeed suck, but the procedure itself not so much. They made my Mother sign some papers saying she wouldn't make any important decisions that day(after the procedure) She was pretty loopy the WHOLE day. I, of course, teased her that I was taking to the furniture store to sign for a new living room suit for me. Alas, she was too smart and did not fall for my scam. So watch what Andrew asks for tomorrow, we kids are tricky bastards!! Good luck and I'll be praying for ya!
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dicentrah - 2004-01-22 08:59:31
Wishing you an assload of luck!
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Teralyne - 2004-01-22 09:01:06
Well are ya going to paten the new diet. "Lose 3 pounds by eatting half a gallon of ice cream a day. Doing it the UB way." Good luck
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Heather - 2004-01-22 09:05:15
Hey there UB. I've got a question, how did your ass get all ripped up in the first place? Surely all those pranks from college must have healed by now... Also I think Andrew may be planning a shitsotrm to accompony yours so watch out! Good Luck!
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johnniev - 2004-01-22 09:36:17
I've had two colonoscopies in the past three years. If they find polyps, they cut 'em out. It's the only true form of cancer prevention. And, the drugs are fantastic!
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Sue - 2004-01-22 09:46:08
My dad has had a couple colonoscopies now (the joys of being in your 60s, I guess). The doctor has found polyps both times, but they were never malignant. My understanding is that they're rarely malignant. So sure, you won't enjoy the whole process, but the chances are good that you're fine. Dad says he didn't feel anything when they took the polyps out, either, so just lay back and think of England or something.
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Hank - 2004-01-22 09:48:19
Care for some butter with your polyps?
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Karen - 2004-01-22 10:04:08
Uncle Bob! I had a colonoscopy a couple of months ago and I thought it would be terrible...I loved the drugs so much that I tried to schedule another one in 3 months! The stuff I had to drink was clear and salty. It's not too awful...it's just that you have to drink 8 oz. every ten to 20 minutes. Ugh I actually had 2 procedures done...one down the throat and one up the butt...woo hoo! You'll be just fine...thoughts and prayers are coming their way to you.
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April Ann - 2004-01-22 10:06:23
This is the reason why your mother always nagged you to eat your vegetables. May you have fun with your colonscopy now.
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Anyabeth - 2004-01-22 10:31:52
UB, not to worry. I have had several colonoscopies (sp?) and truly it is not as bad as they make it sound. Drinking that crap really is the worst part. But still better than getting a dozen enema's which is the alternative. Good luck!
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Laurie - 2004-01-22 10:32:39
Be careful. It's true about not making any important decisions. A co-worker of mine had that done. She then went out and bought $200 worth of lingerie at Victoria's Secret. I wouldn't want to see that happen to you. Ever.
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Doug - 2004-01-22 10:35:50
For what it's worth the preparation is far worse than the procedure. Although I didn't have the white chalky stuff (which I hear you should drink while you are sitting on the can as it works amazingly fast). Make sure Suzie goes with you because after the drugs you won't be in any shape to drive home. Also for the fun of it ask for the videotape of the procedure. You can watch it on the tv monitor while they are doing it, but you won't remember much because of the drugs.
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metanoia - 2004-01-22 10:36:28
Remember, if you poop on the rug, do NOT roll in it to clean it up ala Andrew! heh. Prayers go with you tomorrow.
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Becca Frank - 2004-01-22 10:40:11
My mom had to do this last year. Word of advice? While you're drinking the stuff that makes you poop? Try not to laugh really hard. ick.
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Kelly in Huntsville - 2004-01-22 10:51:53
Hey UB...I had a sigmoidoscopy in early December and had to do the prep similar to yours but only for one day, and that was torture enough. I didn't, however, get to eat Fat Free Ice Cream! Anywhoo, here's a piece of advice for POST procedure...even though you are going to be extremely hungry, don't go buying a Wendy's triple and a Biggie Fries. Start with fruit or dry toast, something easy on your system. I went for chinese food and had the worst GI attack of my entire life! Good luck!
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TraumaMamma - 2004-01-22 11:15:30
Wooo boy, you get to ride the silver stallion eh? (as we affectionately call it in the medical field......) Or the platinum pont....lmao. Anyways, yes the chalky stuff sucks. I ended up never finishing it. My kids figured out how many glasses it would take and hashed off how many I had to go. I dumped it down the drain when I had a third to go as I was, Indeed, shitting like a Xmas goose. Makes you nauseous too, loaded with salt. However, if you doth protest too much during the proceedure, the doc isnt gonna wanna hear it and he will temp knock you out. Who wants to see the insides of their bowels anyways? (You really should trim the gerbils nails, darlin....then you wouldnt have to go...) xooxox Donna
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ChicagoJo - 2004-01-22 11:39:51
Got my first one was I wasn't even 21 yet, and it appears that many, many people have had it done. No fear, UB! The painkillers are fantastic, and you don't remember anything!
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awittykitty - 2004-01-22 12:02:00
yeah I did the colonoscopy thing last April. Cameras up the bum, were't my kind of reality show, so definitely ask for drugs. Good luck.
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Bingoguy - 2004-01-22 12:05:15
We're taking care of our asses by reading your mindless crap err, humour. Not that you give a shit and that this point I really don't want to be recieving any of it. With all these technological advances you think they'd make the pole they put the camera on a wee bit smaller. Definitely it was designed by a married woman or a gay man. You decide.
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Lorrie - 2004-01-22 12:06:15
You know kids enjoy hanging out in the potty with their parents. Personally, I'd just as soon be alone, but hey, whatever. Set up a portable TV in the potty and y'all can watch a Disney movie or something.
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amandabean - 2004-01-22 12:25:33
hope you're alright.
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scottski - 2004-01-22 12:41:37
another cruel irony, illustrating how drug companies are some sadistic motherfuggers, is the trade name of that stuff you drink to shit your bowels out: "Golightly." if there's any justice, the inventor gets to chuff down a tankerload of that stuff before he enters the Pearly Gates... and has to dump that luscious load before he get in. Fire In The Hole, Big Fella!
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Melsa - 2004-01-22 12:50:15
Best of luck. I had oral surgery last week, which is completely irrelevant, save for the fact that I can empathize about the liquid diet. No Jell-o? By the way, this entry went quite well with the vegetable chili I had been enjoying for lunch.
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mocha - 2004-01-22 13:04:19
wtf! They didn't give me any drugs. I also had the barium enema....which remains one of the worst events of my life. The colonoscopy is nowhere near as bad. Just hope for old ugly nurses. Good luck U.B.
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Sandy - 2004-01-22 13:12:39
If I were you I would get on the phone asap and make sure Andrew does not nap today so you can get him to bed early!
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Pisser - 2004-01-22 13:12:39
You can do it, U-Bob...my grandpa got Roto-Rootered from BOTH ends at the same time. Sounds like a German porn, but it's sadly not. As they rolled him into the examination room, right before he konked out on happy gas, he noticed a sign that said YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE FART ROOM. So take heart - everybody does it. He didn't feel a thing! You might just want to set up that card table next to the toilet. Good butt health wishes.
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Trinity Sixty-Three - 2004-01-22 13:27:35
You know Bob -- you can do what we mothers have been doing for centuries, and that's having our kids come in with us while we drop a load on the giant toad:) Or since it's just you and Andrew, keep the door open, shit your brains out, keep the wipes near by, and it will be okay. The prep is way worse than the procedure itself. The reason they have you do all this is so they get a clear picture of your colon:) ANd not get shit all over:)
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The Other Laurie - 2004-01-22 13:44:05
Is that chalky stuff charcoal? Yeah, it tastes like shit, and it stains your underwear when it leaks out the other end. Wear a ratty old pair of underwear, or you'll have black shit all over your pants.
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Trance - 2004-01-22 13:54:58
Wow, UB, you now know way more about ass cameras than you ever wanted to know. And so do I. Good luck, and if you have a particularly high tolerance for pain medication, Tell Them.
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Lando - 2004-01-22 14:19:13
two words UB: adult diapers. hell, if you're lucky, you might like it. Susie may need convincing though...
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colz - 2004-01-22 14:39:50
I came here by way of Trance. I've had a scope, and so has my husband. After you make it through this evening, you are home free...the drugs are AWESOME, then you'll be under dr's orders to go home and belch and fart and sleep the rest of the day. How cool is that? Hoping you get the all clear....
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Jill - 2004-01-22 15:11:13
Once I had to drink a barium "milkshake" for an x-ray and then the next day I had to drink one glass of water every hour on the hour, and then drink this powder stuff that made me poo like i've never poo-ed befor. That's a fun story, huh? Good luck
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Sympathetic Reader - 2004-01-22 15:21:32
For gosh sakes...hire a babysitter (preferably one that will keep Andrew at THEIR house)...don't you have a relative or good friend that will board the tyke for a night, or at least until S. can pick him up and bring him home and straight to bed? The last thing you need is trying to do child care from the can.
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angeline - 2004-01-22 15:31:14
Eek. Good luck with that, Bob. Believe me, I totally sympathize.
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moviegrrl - 2004-01-22 15:45:12
My thoughts are with you totally, not least as it looks like I too will have to have this fun procedure in the not too distant future. My doctor will add to what everyone else has said, the emetic is very very unplesant, but the procedure is not so bad. Take care xxx
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Theresa - 2004-01-22 15:56:04
Just wanted to wish you luck! I've had a few friends have to get one of those done & I know the pain that it is. I hope it goes well.
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Ari - 2004-01-22 15:56:05
Sending love and prayers. Though considering my standing with God, Iíll also be praying that he doesnít strike me down with lightening as well. =]
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allison - 2004-01-22 16:34:20
that drink is the NASTIEST stuff in the whole world. unfortunately, it is probably too late and you have drank it now, but i would suggest for any future reference to buy magcitrate or whatever it's called instead.
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Katherine - 2004-01-22 17:08:21
I'm stunned at the nutritional recommendations of doctors who suspect cancer in their patients. Fat free ice-cream? Soft drinks? Wacked. You take care of that colon of yours U. Bob... You're going to hate this advice, but wheatgrass juice does wonders. No, it doesn't come in icecream. It WILL make you gag but it actually heals up tumours and cancers. You might also want to check out natren.com - they make the best probiotics for the intestinal tract. I have no interests in the company, I have just tried their products and found them to be remarkable. Try to give up the refined foods - and start swallowing flax seed oil - it's incredibly good for you - if you can. Refined foods are terrible for the colon and a heavy meat diet without fiber is also not healthy. So more fiber!!!! I realize how much people hate advice but seriously, the colon is a sensitive beast...you do not want problems with it. :)
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PunkAssBitch - 2004-01-22 17:10:44
Oh wow... I haven't stopped by in a few days & I when I finally do, I get to see this. NICE. UB, hope it all goes well, hope some kind, caring neighbor or friend will watch the little guy for you & be sure to give us the step by step drug induced details. I'm sure you will be doing that though, eh? It's great blog fodder! I think I'll be having a salad for lunch now. Thanks for the reminder to take care of my ass....
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fargahar - 2004-01-22 17:20:36
I am sure they give you the stuff to shit your brains out so that when they actually stick the camera up there you won't think its that bad. And who cares about using the toilet? As Andrew already proved, the carpet works nicely. You can clean it up with unpaid bills.
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Lesley - 2004-01-22 20:26:22
Good luck UB. The prep is much, much worse than the test itself. Do your damndest to get someone to tyke-wrangle for you, though. In my experience, the whole, uh, outing took about 2 hours, but it was an energetic 2 hours. Not something you're gonna want company with.
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Becky - 2004-01-22 20:57:04
Good luck, Uncle Bob. Take care of yourself and take it easy for awhile.
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Moxie - 2004-01-22 21:11:03
Go Lightly...the man who invented that stuff should be flayed. It is DEFINATELY the WORST part of the whole thing. By now you have either finished it off or are dead from trying. The procedure is a cakewalk; had the 'scopes' done in both ends at the same time and didnt feel a thing. In fact, I fell asleep from the drugs and to this day I dont * really * know if they did the damn procedure at all!
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MrsSquidley - 2004-01-22 21:54:25
Give the kid the ice creams..the sugar will make him hyper for a short time, but then he'll crach and sleep really really good! Hey. I never posted before, but read quite often. Best of luck to you and holding good thoughts.
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Kidneygurl - 2004-01-22 22:30:07
Just wanted to send you Good Wishes and remember not to eat ANYTHING or they will know it. I had to have this test done twice in 3 days because like an IDIOT --I ate a little food the day before (mashed sweet potatoes) and I thought it would be "gone" because I have a fast digestive track. WRONG! Dr. stopped procedure and asked me: DID YOU EAT? I amswered: "just a little mashed sweet potatoes" and he said "I can't see through sweet potatoes" and stopped the test. And I had to come back 2 days later because it was necessary to qualify as a kidney donor and transplant was scheduled following week. So, I survived it and the drugs knock you out so good that you don't feel anything.
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Ren - 2004-01-22 23:20:11
Get some depends underwear!! :-P Seriously though, I hope everything goes well. My dad had to get a colonoscopy recently and he was cranky 'cause he only got to WATCH us eat dinner. At least you get the ice cream, dude. :)
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Peter - 2004-01-23 02:35:07
Just think Uncle Bob, right after the procedure you'll be good to do anal porn.
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spudeye - 2004-01-23 10:18:18
hoping all goes well for you UB.
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Ray(Bladderace11) - 2004-01-23 14:52:17
Hey,Hope your ok.
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Stacey - 2004-01-23 16:56:13
Hope everything turns out to be ok! I had to do that 3-day liquid diet once for the barium enema test, and I think that I've never been crankier in my entire life than those three days.
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Kathy - 2004-01-24 09:29:00
How are you?
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