Comments:

Mel - 2004-09-22 08:02:37
Just to let you know, I knew I was gay as early as 5 years old. I'm pretty sure there was nothing my parents could have done to change that. Also, most cross dressers are heterosexual males.
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Dennis Rodman - 2004-09-22 08:06:24
Don't worry UncaBob. He just likes it because it's bright pink and it has adult stuff like a cell phone and car keys. When he is old enough to have his own cell phone and car keys and bright pink hair, he'll be a titty-lovin', dick-swingin' hetero. But he still might like the silky feel of Victoria's Secret unmentionables next to his skin.
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warcrygirl - 2004-09-22 08:13:05
So go get him his own purse! I'm sure you can find one of the metrosexual bags in a nice manly color. Just don't forget the phone and the keys, man. The fact that he only wants Denise's purse could just be a control thing. But then again you just never know...
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dalek - 2004-09-22 08:16:28
Metrosexual?!? What a load of crap. Thatís just a girly man. Nothing more, nothing less. Donít worry U.B. I called my church and put you and your boy on the prayer list. (they are still wondering who the heck I am though). Keep him doing manly things though. If he turns out to be queer, then at least he can be butch!
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HeySway - 2004-09-22 08:16:39
UB - Have you heard of Boston? Send you son up here if he want's to get married to Bubba...it's all good!
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deepblue3 - 2004-09-22 08:19:01
Relax. Maybe he's not gay... Maybe he's just a purse thief.
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Erica - 2004-09-22 08:35:05
I have to agree with warcrygirl. I don't think it is so much that it is a purse, it's just the things in it. Get him a little messenger style bag, throw in a toy phone and keys and he's all set.
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Daisy Nukem - 2004-09-22 08:42:13
When my kid was that age, he had a fanny pack. In it he had a mini lightsaber and a bunch of other important stuff. It went everywhere. Some kids just need to have "stuff".
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Carrie - 2004-09-22 08:43:11
My son likes to play with whatever his sister has, be it a barbie or a toy car. It may not be what it is, but that he doesn't have one. Buy him a bag with a few things in it, and I am sure he will be happier than a pig in shit :) Carrie
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Kelly - 2004-09-22 08:50:02
Bright colors will attract ANY kid, UB. Why do you think Barney is so popular? I agree with all the other folks here who say to get him some sort of "purse" item. The fanny pack sounds like a good idea.
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metanoia - 2004-09-22 08:54:32
When my son was about that age, or even a bit older he saw a Minnie Mouse purse at a yard sale and threw a fit. Had to have it. So I bought it for him. He toted that thing around for a couple of months, I thought oh, god, a little fag I have. But then, he lost interest and that was that. I say, get him a purse (maybe not pink) and a play cell phone and all that crap. He'll dig it.
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Uncle Bob - 2004-09-22 08:59:14
Andrew already has a Dora the Explorer backpack that I have filled up with "sticky tape", a flashlight, a keychain that makes noises, a toy cell phone, magnifying glass, coins ... he still wants that purse over Backpack. Like metanoia says ... I think it's just something new that he's obsessed with for the time being.
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Beth - 2004-09-22 09:00:31
I totally agree with warcrygirl. When my sons took to fighting over one of my old purses (and yelling "my purse!" in public *cringe*), I let them pick out backpacks and put old cell phones and plastic keys and a few other goodies in them, and they forgot all about my purse. They do still call their backpacks purses, though. I'm working on that.
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Andy - 2004-09-22 09:00:41
UB: if son grows up and likes to suck dick and prefers to stick his wiener up some guy's ass that doesn't necessarily make him gay. Oh wait. Yes it does. Never mind.
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Bitz - 2004-09-22 09:20:14
There is nothing wrong with Andrew, he is just curious, I agree with getting him a g.i. joe bag, add the accessories or better yet, a toolbag with toy tools. Hw will see his bag as much cooler.
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Sandra - 2004-09-22 09:24:27
My dad used to worry because my little brother (now a strapping 25-year-old young man) preferred playing Barbies with me rather than with his multiple toy cars, trucks, He-Men, GI Joes, etc. This went on for years, but my dad needn't have worried. My brother is now quite the stud and has broken his share of hearts. Fear not, UB. It's probably just a stage, the first of many.
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Mocha - 2004-09-22 09:34:05
Fear not U.B. , one of my sons carried a baby doll around when he was 2 . One had a fit when he was 3 because he wanted a vaccume cleaner and an e-z bake oven. 20 years later.....not one of them is gay. Nor do they cook or vaccume.
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alison - 2004-09-22 09:56:13
Growing up gay IS hard, but growing up gay with unsupportive parents is about the worst thing in the world. You can't make him gay or straight, but you CAN let him know it's okay to be himself.
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Racey red - 2004-09-22 10:08:07
"Hey U.B. ... you think your boy can choke on my chubby after the game?" Ewww, that is just soooo wrong and gross. Why didn't you smack your neighbor in the kisser? That was so unecessary and very disrespectful to both you and your son. I think next time you should call that asshole Ned the Ped.
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LL - 2004-09-22 10:09:36
Stir the pot UB! You sexist homophobic twit.
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weaselly - 2004-09-22 10:21:40
I have to agree with deepblue3, gay or straight, the kid is going to grow up to be a purse snatcher. Don't make a big deal about him wanting a pink purse, though. It's just a cool toy to him. It's not like he's talking about marrying Dennis the Neighborhood Menace or something. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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KW - 2004-09-22 10:50:11
My mother worked in a preschool, and told me once that there was a boy who would always put one of the ballet tutus they had for dress-up on over his clothes. His parents reported that at home he asked them if he could have a "blue tutu". When people asked him why, he only said, and I quote, "Because it looks comfortable and I think I'd like to have one." His parents didn't get him one, but no one stopped him from wearing the tutu around in the preschool either - no one made a big deal out of it, it was just, Oh there goes Jack putting on the tutu again. Within a few months he was over it and that was that. ...It's just a phase, it happens.
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HRT - 2004-09-22 10:54:02
Dude, my son is 3 and they seem to be living parallel lives. But I have found an angle, my son LOVES him some Thomas, and it seems like when it's Trains vs. Barbie, trains still seem to be winning out at least 63% of the time. Fortunately for us he has a little sister who is 2 who has the Dora stuff so that way its not so much of a novelty when he sees it when we are out.

The solution, have another kid, just make for damn sure its a girl.
Peace out homie.
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kaki - 2004-09-22 10:59:38
My 3 year old likes to put my bra on his head. What does that mean? Future frat boy drunkard? I hope not. Would rather he was gay.
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JuddHole - 2004-09-22 11:04:58
Hey, I STILL carry a purse.
But, now it's a "Man" purse, and I've got my keys, cell, flashlight, and LeatherMan Multi-tool in it.
See, carrying a purse doesn't make you gay.
Now, if I could just get my ass to stop leaking...
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saidnot - 2004-09-22 11:09:47
Not to worry, my nearly 6-yr-old boy has a room full of fluffy stuffed animals, a jewelry box with jewelry, a doll house and his favorite CD is one by Hillary Duff. He also has a huge collection of toy swords, cars, trucks, bugs, rocks, Pokemon, plastic skulls ... Dang! I just realised he might grow up to be Alice Cooper ...
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April Ann - 2004-09-22 11:10:09
No worries, Bobby boy. Maybe he'll just be a straight cross-dresser. I hear there are a lot of successful, rich men out there with trophy wives who possess big titties that like to wear women's clothes.
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Arom - 2004-09-22 11:10:31
I'm a psychologist and I work with children.

It's both normal and healthy for your boy to want to play with girls' toys. Please be reassured that this certainly does not mean he's going to grow up to be gay. It's important to understand that attitudes about developing healthy sexual gender identity have changed such that some gender bending is necessary when growing up in the modern world.

Nowadays, men share babycare and girls grow up to be business executives and physicians. Take this opportunity to open your eyes and learn about this.

The best way parents can do this is to respect one another. Children learn most about how men treat women, and vice versa, by how mom and dad interact.

Encourage your boy to develop his caring and feeling side. All you have to do is read the newspaper headlines to realize that the males in our society need to learn more tenderness. In my opinion, Power Rangers are not the top toys for modeling emotional health in males.

Recently, some parents brought their 3-year-old boy into another psychologists office for aggression counseling. As they were talking, the boy sat on the floor playing with a pile of Power Rangers and making them punch each other. The parents opened our discussion with, "I don't know where he gets his aggression from." The psychologist looked at the boy playing with the Power Rangers, and then looked back at the parents, and a light bulb went on. Give a child toys that model aggression and they'll learn aggression.

In the first few years, children play with the toys that interest them the most, regardless of what's deemed appropriate for their gender.

Eventually they will gravitate toward the usual "boy toys" and "girl toys," because of a combination of peer pressure, parental pressure, and the never-ending advertisements that model rough-and-tough toys for boys and soft-and-sweet toys for girls.

Believe me, I had to overcome many of my own gender biases the first time I saw my son holding a doll. My outdated impulse was to substitute the doll with a football. Fortunately, I didn't, and he went on to put down the dolls and pick up the football on his own.

As a child gets older, there is less of a distinction between "boy toys" and "girl toys," and "girl sports" and "boy sports," as more high schools and colleges strive for gender parity in sports.

In the meantime, let your child enjoy playing with dolls until he eventually discovers, as most boys do, that boy toys are more fun for boys.
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Sarah - 2004-09-22 11:24:36
Here in Canada, you can get married and adopt if you are gay. Just thought I should clear that up. Not that I'm insinuating that Andrew is gay.
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Andy - 2004-09-22 11:53:04
....All you have to do is read the newspaper headlines to realize that the males in our society need to learn more tenderness.....I disagree. I think the chicks need to toughen uo a bit.
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petra - 2004-09-22 11:55:23
oh jebus! the kid liked the bright purse with all the neat stuff that DOESN'T BELONG TO HIM! He is being a kid, wanting what he can't have, and the flashiest can't haves while he's at it. Funny that he gets it though. Some "no's" go a long way, Uncle Bob.
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Just not to eachother.... - 2004-09-22 11:58:48
Anyone who is gay can get married in any of the 50 states.
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Michael - 2004-09-22 12:19:01
You're always funny, but this was great writing. Of course your feelings are natural (even though I find your thoughts often defy nature). I grew up gay...and then one day BAM!...straight! Kidding. It is a hard start; especially hard is the fear of rejection from your family. Stats say the odds are stacked heavily your boy is straight, but no amount of steering will change it if he's not....if only every kid knew there were no conditions on the love...
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Nicky - 2004-09-22 12:55:24
We have gay neighbors (guys) who have adopted two children. My 5 year-old son who loves nail-polish and purses plays with their daughter. One day he aked me how do two guys get married. Not wanting to go into the politics currently at hand I told him when two grown-ups love each other and want to be a family that is what they do, whether it is a man and woman or two men or two women. Then he asked me "but WHY would a boy want to marry a boy?" That is when I knew my son would end up straight. I also know he will be a very understanding husband who can hold his wife's purse and understand what it is like to have wet nail polish.
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Canadian Steph - 2004-09-22 13:07:14
Bobby Bobby, My 2 year old son has one of my old purses as "his" purse. We have an old wallet with cards and toy cell phone and keys and stuff. He just puts it on his shoulder and goes for a toddle around the house. I don't care if he's gay or not - but my husband is glad that if we put mighty machines on the T.V. that he will drop the purse and get all he-man on us. Just a phase thats all.
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Trance - 2004-09-22 13:41:22
My 6-year old son is all about the pretty - Mardi Gras beads, fancy shoes, jewelry, bags, you name it. I have gotten plenty of jibing about his possible sexual ambiguity, but I have to tell you that the kid is an absolute *pimp* when it comes to the girls. The ladies freaking *love* him, and I think he is just obsessed with women and girlness in general.

Plus, hell, I'd rather he be gay than some gun-toting, gold-chain-wearing gangster like ninety percent of the teenagers in our neighborhood...

Don't sweat it, UB. People of both genders like pretty and funky accessories. No shame in that.
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Sheila - 2004-09-22 13:49:36
Of *course* he wants the Barbie purse, Uncle Bob. Barbie purses are really cool. If Denise had chucked it aside and ignored it, Andrew wouldn't have been interested. But she's parading around with it. She's obsessed with it. All she wants to do is touch it and play with it and spend all her time with it. So Andrew sees that it must be something special and he therefore wants it. If she didn't like it so much, then neither would he. Gender has nothing to do with it; it's human nature.
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Amy - 2004-09-22 14:00:18
Arom, "boy" toys are more fun for everybody. Who the fuck wants to play "Iron and vaccum?" Not this tomboy. Uncle Bob, my son , 2.5 years old, wears a pink feather boa someone gave him, and recently announced on the subway that his name was Caroline. He's *still* a little butchy boy.
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ScottyP - 2004-09-22 15:56:04
UB, look at it this way...There's absolutely no proof that Andrew likes the purse. Maybe it's just the color he's attracted to. Which means he's not gay but just has bad taste...
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cosmicrayola - 2004-09-22 16:56:07
I am surprised that you didn't pick up on the bigger picture. Now is the perfect time to teach your son that we don't always get what we want simply because we want it. Can UB say no?
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Nero - 2004-09-22 16:59:58
I'm kind of on the fence with this one, it most likely is a phase, though. When I was a kid I was also all about the pretty, I had beads, barbies, and loved getting my hair braided and put in pigtails. I also played with tons of makeup and pretty dresses and the like. Now I'm a computer hardware support technician, I love cars, football, computers, online gaming, video consoles and games in general, barely wear makeup (can't tell I'm wearing it) and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress. Go figure.
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tif - 2004-09-22 17:24:04
compromise with a fanny pack? blue of course
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Jendra - 2004-09-22 18:34:22
Gayness isn't determined in younger years. You're born gay, or you're not. If he is, then he is. Odds are, he isn't cause lots of boys love the feminine toys when they're little. Nail polish, purses, frilly things... they're very flashy and fun to look at. Why push him into gender sterotypes now? Let him enjoy this phase while he's still innocent enough to have it without being pressured by the world to like only masculine things. It'll wear off.
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Leaky Fanny - 2004-09-22 18:45:33
Also anal sex does not cause incontinence. Just sayin'.
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yarnsmith - 2004-09-22 19:06:40
Find a toy shaving kit.
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rac-girl - 2004-09-22 19:20:34
My 3 year old nephew - loves musicals, loves to dance and sinq and struct down the aisle of a bus. Given a choice of daning and singing or playing a 3 year old's idea of baseball, he sings and dances around a baseball field. At least the uniforms will be clean.
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greer - 2004-09-22 19:23:03
Damn, I'm glad my parents didn't make me stop playing with G.I. Joe toys just because I was a girl. While you were at the store, UB, you should have gotten Andrew his own pink Barbie purse along with the football. And get some video of him playing with the Barbie toys. You know...for...blackmailing purposes.
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epipie - 2004-09-22 21:27:47
I totally agree with the blackmail. When he's in High School, and giving you a hard time, you can always fall back on the Barbie purse story.

I don't think that it's a real issue, though. The children at my school all pretend to push the babydoll stroller, or carry a purse on their shoulder. I don't believe they have that little Gay-dar thing activated yet. Andrew is going to play with the purse because Mommy has one, and the girl across the street has one, therefore, it's something that people have. Nothing more than that. Okay. I wrote too much.
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Sassyfras - 2004-09-22 22:07:21
My 5 year old nephew puts on nail polish & his mom's high heels, sashays around w/ her purse and calls himself "Miss Stephanie". Feeling any better?
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stella - 2004-09-22 22:07:34
No worries. It probably does have something to do with Mrs. UB's influence on him. And if it turns out to be a lifelong influence, no worries there either.
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Sassyfras - 2004-09-22 22:08:29
My 5 year old nephew puts on nail polish & his mom's high heels, sashays around w/ her purse and calls himself "Miss Stephanie". Feeling any better?
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mellie - 2004-09-23 00:14:00
me and my cousin used to play with barbies and dress up together....but he really did wind up being gay...go fig
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s-chicka - 2004-09-23 01:44:08
it might be the fact that he doesn't have one... i'm a girl, and i used to play with my brother's matchbox cars, all the time... my male cousin would play barbies with me when he baby sat me... i dont think you have anything to worry about... hes just being possessive, is what i think.
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cat - 2004-09-23 02:03:59
Oh brother...you really think sexual orientation is a choice? Oh wait, I forgot...you're from Alabama.
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Angelina - 2004-09-24 03:58:28
Don't tempt fate UB, and make jokes about this! I have three kids, two girls and a boy. My boy is the youngest. When he was Andrew's age, he NEVER wanted to play with his sister's toy purses, or other "girly" toys. Never. Plus, just recently, my middle girl (age 17) came home and asked me if I remembered a certain neighbor boy. Yeah, the one who liked to play dress up and paint his nails with the girls. Turns out he's just announced to his parents that yup, he's gay. Now, if one of my kids told me this, well, I wouldn't be happy about it for the reasons you stated. Gay people have a hard time because of discrimination, etc. But, my child is still my child, and I would love them anyway. So, just saying, don't tempt fate.
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Angelina - 2004-09-24 04:01:10
Don't tempt fate UB, and make jokes about this! I have three kids, two girls and a boy. My boy is the youngest. When he was Andrew's age, he NEVER wanted to play with his sister's toy purses, or other "girly" toys. Never. Plus, just recently, my middle girl (age 17) came home and asked me if I remembered a certain neighbor boy. Yeah, the one who liked to play dress up and paint his nails with the girls. Turns out he's just announced to his parents that yup, he's gay. Now, if one of my kids told me this, well, I wouldn't be happy about it for the reasons you stated. Gay people have a hard time because of discrimination, etc. But, my child is still my child, and I would love them anyway. So, just saying, don't tempt fate.
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blnkfrnk - 2004-09-27 21:21:23
Don't worry about it. My parents did everything "right" to raise a little princess girl, and I ended up a dyke anyway. But they still love me, so whatever. In my experience it's the really gender-normative types who try really hard you have to watch, but that's not a hard and fast rule. And personally, I am offended by the idea that you're either born gay or not...to me, that implies that there's something so inherently wrong with queerness that nobody would ever choose it, which is bunk. And I think it's right to worry about gay kids having a harder life...but I think it's wrong to assume it's going to be a harder life, no matter what, and you can't start changing that now through your actions in raising your kids or low-key activism. Very funny post though. Having kids must introduce a whole new level of surreality into your daily life.
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