Comments:

Erin - 2005-04-20 07:03:42
OMG OMG FIRST FIRST!! This is the first time I've been first! Yay!
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artgnome - 2005-04-20 07:31:12
I am so glad Susie got another job. She deserves better and hopefully has gotten a better deal.
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Lauren - 2005-04-20 07:32:27
Third!
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Muffin - 2005-04-20 07:37:30
Fourth. I got all tingly at reading how Susie, subtle yet getting the point across, told her boss to SUCK HER ASS. And I agree, shitting at work is just rude.
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ibeejd - 2005-04-20 07:58:07
Sometimes quitting a really crappy job can make your day...or week, month and year. So she should have told him she did get her bonus....the moment she told him she was leaving.
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Squeakzilla - 2005-04-20 08:10:16
UB, you gotta stop doing that mouth breathing thing. You're bypassing the natural bacterial filtration the nose hair provides and (OMG-IMHO!) you may as well be taking a bong hit off someone else's ass. Would that be a BUNG hit? Whatever. That fake bonus thing is becoming really popular. My cellphone provider called recently to give me 2 extra hours of minutes. Trouble is I'm always 1-2 hours below my monthly maximum so the 2 extra hours will never be used. For a moment though, you would have thought I had won the lotto. You have to admit, it's pretty slick marketing trickery.
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Andy - 2005-04-20 08:49:57
I can solve you at-work bathroom problems UB:

Depends.

You're welcome.
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Barb - 2005-04-20 09:39:47
Congrats to your wife. And a 4:00 am phone call in unforgivable in my book. Leaves your heart pounding for hours.
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Sandra - 2005-04-20 09:48:31
I don't think public pooping is so bad as long as you flush immediately afterward and USE the can of Glade, assuming there is one available. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
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Marcy - 2005-04-20 10:11:27
Because my job is achingly similar in spirit to Susie's soon-to-be-former job, I've been meeting with recruiters and career 'counselors' lately. And they ALL have said the same thing about the counter-offer: When you tell your boss you're leaving, they'll make an offer. You tell them you'll be making an extra $15k/year, they'll promise to match or beat it. They'll throw in extra vacation. They'll do whatever they can do to keep you because, though customary, 2 weeks is NEVER enough to find a replacement for you. So they'll suck it up and pay you what they promised - for the 2 months or so it takes to find a replacement for you. First of all, you're now too expensive for them. They also know you're not happy there or you wouldn't be so eager to leave. Also, they want you to leave on THEIR terms, not yours. So yeah. The best answer in almost any counter-offer: Thanks, but no thanks. You couldn't PAY me enough to look at your festering, boil-plagued, slimy, repugnant ass for one more second than is absolutely necessary, you wretched, stinking, waste of (presumably) human flesh. Bugger off and die, thanks.
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purplecigar - 2005-04-20 10:34:54
Assmites! HAH! Mind if I steal that?
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Jendra - 2005-04-20 10:43:16
If you have to go you can hold it in for 8 hours if need be and still get work done? How does anybody do that?? I knew girls at sleep overs who wouldn't go util they went home the next morning. How? How does anyone have that much control to make that happen/not happen?
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The Boy - 2005-04-20 10:43:40
4am phone rings... it'd better be a Booty Call... or the cops
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Andy - 2005-04-20 10:52:19
Jendra, my wife has the cootie fear of unkown toilets. Holding it for a day is nothing for her. Christ, you should see her when we go on a 10 day vacation. By day 3 her eyes are watering...
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lostmystic76 - 2005-04-20 11:07:37
God I'm so glad to hear she's getting out of the shitty-ass job! As for the 4am wake up call, shit, I'd be hiring a hit man right now - lol!
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public defender - 2005-04-20 11:44:15
UB...congrats to Susie on the new gig. Totally rocks! As for the public poopers, you don't know from bad. I work in a home for cancer patients, and the public bathroom is right next to my office. So not only do I have to listen to patients shit out their meds all day long (and puke, too), I have to use that same bathroom everytime I need to go. And chemo poop? The smell should be classified as a WMD. Needless to say, I don't ever do anything in there I can't do standing up or in less than 30 seconds. Can't hold my breath much longer than that.
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Happy 420 - 2005-04-20 12:02:24
Some of you people are so LAME trying to be first on this comment thing! Get a damn life! Oh & nobody cares whos 2nd or 3rd either! UB, congrats to Susie, who wants to work for jerks who offer bonuses just because she wants to leave?! Crazyness I tell ya! I hope her new job treats her w/ respect. As for shitting at work, I work in a small office & in my room there are 3 people & 1 bathroom, right next to our desks. So we get to hear & smell everything that goes on in there. Not fun!
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Andy - 2005-04-20 12:09:23
18th!
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Stevie - 2005-04-20 12:13:09
UB, the 4:00 a.m. phone call is unconscionable. It calls for just one response, and that's... REVENGE. You said in an earlier post that you're getting by on 5 hours of sleep a night. That ain't true for most of the populace, pal. Time to work it to your advantage. Call the hotel in Atlanta and ask for this woman by name. Do it when you figure she's already gone to bed, or hasn't gotten up yet. When she answers, ask to speak to Beulah. When she groggily tells you there's no one there named Beulah, ask for Dietrich. Be insistent. The longer you can keep her on the phone, the longer it will take her to get back to sleep. If you're feeling especially ballsy and you want to have some REAL fun, skip the Beulah routine. Identify yourself and ask her if Suzy's there. Sound worried. Or aggrieved. Note to all: It's best not to call me at 4:00 a.m.
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Donna - 2005-04-20 12:22:54
I should know better than to read Uncle Bob while eating breakfast.
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Jill - 2005-04-20 13:13:36
Shitting at work is RUDE? Since when is natural human function rude? Unless I come up and poop on your desk, or anywhere Non-bathroom, it is not rude. Some people eat fruits and vegetables and need to poop more than once a day. I'm not bitching out UB, I'm bitching out Muffin
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fifi - 2005-04-20 13:37:07
Congrats to Susie! You are one lucky man (bet you knew that already) to have a wife who has chutzpah. Shitting at work? Not rude, unless it's the only place you ever shit , in which case, inconsiderate- how come you never shit at home? BTW, putting the lid down when about to flush, reduces the spread of tiny airborne faecal particles, tell that to Jamie, or pin up a notice for the perusal of all poopers...
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Kara - 2005-04-20 15:28:34
I once worked with a guy who INSISTED on shitting in bathroom in my area (he was outdoor maintenance staff with their own bathroom on the OTHER side of the park) because... and how creepy is this.... "It likes it in here." He ascribed human emotion to his shit!! And not only that but it literally smelled worse than the dead rat compound I had to work in for a forensics class. It's bad when your shit smells worse than rotting flesh. ....Turns out he had some sort of medical problem, but still (and could imagine being the ass doctor that got to treat that nastiness?!).
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Dennis - 2005-04-20 15:33:57
Assmite, huh? I guess there is such a thing as too much sharing. I used to be hate shitting in public, but now I work so much that I'm only go home to sleep. Flushing often really helps.
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Jamie - 2005-04-20 18:45:22
I'm not a public pooper, either. It's time somebody stood up for basic hygiene!
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