Comments:

DodgerGirl - 2007-09-10 07:54:54
Dude, you have high blood pressure. Soy sauce is a no-no!
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pune - 2007-09-10 09:15:57
especially when it might have MSG
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Jakeline - 2007-09-10 11:23:09
Hiya UB, Take the whole "healthy new you" thing slow but steady. If you live off of rabbit food and try to exercise like there's no tomorrow, you're going to be hungry and hurting and never want to try to get healthy again. Also, you'll turn into a total asshole who's obsessed with what he's eaten and how much he's exercised. I'd prefer you'd not be *that* kind of asshole -- the kind of asshole you are right now is perfectly fine.
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Kristen - 2007-09-10 11:30:58
Look into Weight Watchers. Seriously. That shit WORKS. And you don't have to go to meetings. I just do everything online.
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awittykitty - 2007-09-10 13:19:18
Gee, we have all the same problems, except I don't have high blood pressure. But think of the bright side... When he said you lost an inch, he could have been looking down.
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GoingLoopy - 2007-09-10 15:30:47
...if it's depression meds, give it a few weeks. They make you feel worse before you feel better. I was nearly suicidal, and when I first started taking a popular SSRI, I felt nauseous, shaky, and suicidal. Luckily a friend had undergone a similar adjustment period and was able to convince me that continuing to take the pills was a good idea. They eventually started helping. Exercise does help with the sleeping thing. As does Ambien. :) Note to self: must rediscover the former.
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YouDidn'tHearThisFromMe - 2007-09-10 16:34:49
Phentermine. Might not mix with high blood pressure though.
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IV:XX - 2007-09-11 09:31:20
...get ready to down some of your pills 'cause Lowe's put your outdoor furniture set on clearance last weekend. 50% off! Now all that shit looks great in MY back yard!
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Squeakzilla - 2007-09-11 09:39:21
I absolutely hate SSRIís; all or Ďem. Simply because I am cognizant enough to ascertain that the world around me is plenty fíd up and human enough that this condition bothers me, it does not necessarily follow that I must have receptors in my brain tampered with. You didnít ask for my twenty-two cents, but focus on the exercise UB, beware of men in white coats bearing pills unless itís a tiny piece of paper with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck or Goofy on it. Thatís what the voices in my head told me to tell you.
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oldbrit - 2007-09-11 10:07:11
a guy went to his doc for the finger up the butt thing,once he got in there the guy flinched,the doc asked what was wrong he replied your ring is hurting me the doc said its not my ring its my watch!!!!! arnt you lucky
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oneyedog - 2007-09-11 14:08:09
I know this is off the wall, but I figure I'm such a loyal reader of UB that he won't mind. Plus, it will give us something to do in between the decades that UB updates! My 88 year old aunt is desparate to know the name of a book she read recently. The only clues she remembered is that it was a story about marble cutters (mine) and a girl who was looking for her father. The girl ends up finding an aunt instead and the story ensues. If anyone has read this, I'd really appreciate you letting me know the title and you could have the self satisfaction of doing your part for the old girl. She was somewhat of a tart in her day, so naturally she enjoys UB's writing, too. Thanks, UB - sorry for the interuption - you rock!
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oneyedog - 2007-09-12 17:56:39
Before anyone looks, I found it - yea! The book is called, "The Stone Garden", and if my aunt goes to her great reward tomorrow, there will be a satisfied smile on her face. Thanks to all who tried to help - oh yeah - that would be NO ONE. Jees, no wonder UB's depressed! :)
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Natalie - 2007-09-14 20:18:44
Good luck, UB!
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Jane - 2007-09-20 22:42:23
Love ya. Take care of yourself.
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vitamin c - 2007-09-25 09:46:55
Damn, UB! Can you please update this so I can stop reading "finger up the butt" everytime I check for a new entry!!!
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Squeakzilla - 2007-09-26 12:35:52
Ok Oneyedog, I did try to find your title, but had no luck. Also, I am mystified by your precognitive skills and I have been trying to find the name of this film for years, to no avail. I wish I could say itís for my sick mum or something, but alas, itís not. I didnít see the beginning so I never saw the title. Now since I donít know the title, Iíll never see the beginning! Unless someone else out there has any idea what the title is. Here goesÖ

Circa 1997, I came in on a movie already in progress about two American students vacationing in Amsterdam, traveling by automobile. Somehow these guys ended up coerced to smuggle pills (Ecstasy, I think) They had to follow a map which outlined predetermined payphones at which they had to arrive by a given time in order to answer a call or one of the guyís girlfriend (being held hostage) would be killed. They were being pursued by an official (I say ďofficialĒ because this guy tracked them across the borders of multiple countries) This ďofficialĒ had a prosthetic hand and was motivated somehow by the fact that he had originally lost his hand in an explosion caused by the drug dealer who was behind the studentís current dilemma.

Thatís it. Thatís all Iíve got. Has anyone got any idea what this title is?
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adoring fan - 2007-09-27 16:27:58
I second that vitamin c. Also, whats up with all these help me comments? I would like to suggest Google and Amazon and IMDB. Damnit UB! It's getting out of hand in here.
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Squeakzilla - 2007-09-28 01:11:00
Hey A. F., did it strike you as creepy how someone in this comments section predicted UB's current absence when he had been updating somewhat cosistently prior to this post?
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oneyedog - 2007-09-28 19:51:49
I'm on it, Squeakzilla! But I'll need a little time because I'm in the middle of squeezing out a gaddamn kidney stone and can think of little else quite yet! Entertain us in the meantime with how in the world you call yourself "Squeakzilla" - heh!
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adoring fan - 2007-09-29 23:46:54
Creepy indeed. Damn shame about that kidney stone though, that sucks.
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Squeakzilla - 2007-10-01 12:19:07
I'm your worse nightmare, a giant bipedal fire-breathing mouse. Sorry to hear about that stone though.
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Squeakzilla - 2007-10-01 12:21:54
I'm your worse nightmare, a giant bipedal fire-breathing mouse (with opposing thumbs and access to credit cards and the internet). Sorry to hear about that stone though.
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Me - 2007-10-01 22:29:44
UB as much as I love your ass, the visual I get on repeatedly checking for a new entry from your current one is giving me pause. Please come back with a Princess cereal entry or something. Thanks.
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oneyedog - 2007-10-02 14:22:52
Hey Squeak - love the entertainment! Had to look up that "bipedal" though- (gay bike rider?) I'm still working on the movie - so far, I got nothin'. But haven't given up hope yet. Adoring Fan - what else can we do to light a fire under UB to update? Anything spelled Corey Feldman might do the trick - any ideas?
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adoring fan - 2007-10-02 19:23:57
I got nothin'. I'm really good at quietly whining about wanting another entry, but inside I'm really worrying that maybe ol'UB had a bad DJ accident and managed to drop a huge amp on both of his hands at the same time and the doctors say he may never type again but UB is all "Hell No" and right now, right this very second, he is undrtaking the long and torturous agony that is digit rehab by using self hypnosis and who the hell am I to whine and complain when that glorious hero of a man is doing all he can to get back to the point where he can tell all of us about it.....and masturbate. But hopefully the entry first.
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Champicky - 2007-10-02 20:58:15
UB, what is up with you? I have just logged in for the first time in, well a bit, and I am shocked that your last entry was Sept 10th, unless my computer is really messed....the suspense is killing me....what's the latest..........
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Champicky - 2007-10-02 20:58:38
UB, what is up with you? I have just logged in for the first time in, well in a bit, and I am shocked that your last entry was Sept 10th, unless my computer is really messed....the suspense is killing me....what's the latest..........
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Champicky - 2007-10-02 21:02:57
UB, what is going on? I have just logged in for the first time, well, in a bit and I am so sad to see that you haven't posted since Sept 10th, unless my computer is completely messed.......the suspense is just about killing me......what's going on with you???
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Squeakzilla - 2007-10-20 18:53:32
I might seem a bit 'noid for even responding to this now, but respond, I must. There be more than one "Squeakzilla" out there in cyberspace. To be clear, I am the (slightly) insane one; not the female one or the gay one. It dawned on me tha OED's joking above would appear in search engines possibly associating my "nom de blog.comment" incorrectly with another. So, just setting the record here "straight" (ha-ha I made a funny!)
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