UNCLE BOB ENTERS THE DIGITAL WORLD

Welllll...I took advantage of Sears' big 10% off everything in the store sale this morning and bought a digital camera.

It's pretty nice. Does the trick for us anyway. I took some pics this morning that were highly unflattering of Andrew and Susie. They look really good on the computer and I've now convinced Susie that we can even get prints made of them.

That was like trying to explain the Internet to your senile grandmother. She refused to believe that we could somehow get digital pictures turned into actual prints. I explained to her that we have prints of pictures that I took with the camcorder, so naturally we can get prints made of the camera's shots.

"No way."

Yes way. I just put the pics on a disc and take them to the film place and they print them out. It's that damned simple.

"No way."

Yes way, you moron. That's how I did it last time.

"No way."

Alright you fucking idiot...you're absolutely right. There's no fucking way that we'll ever be able to have prints made of the pictures we take on this camera. That whole camcorder thing was a fluke. I just wasted $600 on a piece of shit camera that can only take pictures for the internet. That's it. It won't work any other way. Nobody will ever see these pictures and I'm a big fucking doofus for ever thinking they could.

"....Told you."

ARRRRRRGH!!

Anyway...Merry Christmas and all that jazz. We've now got a digital camera which means I finally have to break down and buy that gold membership that Andrew's banners have been hounding me to buy for the last year so that I can put pictures on my page rather than send you guys to Andrew's website to look at the last four pictures which are four pics I took this morning.

In Andrew's defense...he looks like crap because he feels like crap. The boy's nose has been running since Thursday and it's all red and sore from wiping.

Susie looks like crap because she was getting ready to go to church this morning for a cookie exchange party, Andrew was screaming in my arms and I finally developed testicles and told Susie that she was NOT going to church after all and that she was going to stay home with her baby because she was the only comfort that he had this morning.

She said she was going to go. The girl's got more balls than me.

I said "What's more important? Your son or some goddamned cookies?"

Touche!

She couldn't argue with me over that one.

"Well, I'm supposed to set all the tables up!"

Well hooooly shit! Why didn't you say so?? I'm sure you're the only dumbass in church who knows how to set a table up! It's going to be pandemonium in church when YOU DON'T SHOW UP and there will be cookies flung all over the floor because you're the only person who knows how to set tables up!

Actually, I told her to sit down, hold her baby, love on him and I would go to church to set tables up.

Which I did. I set up two tables. I asked the ladies if there was anything else they needed from me and they said "no" and thanked me for driving a round trip of ten miles to set up two tables.

There.

Mission accomplished, Mommy.

She's not as pissy now as she was. But man...she did NOT like being told she had to stay home and take care of her baby. That little jab came out of left field on her.

But now everybody's happy.

And there's not a single cookie in this household either.

So I'm really thrilled.

My Ed recap is up at Mighty Big TV now.

For some strange reason, I'm actually proud of this recap. It was fun to write and it came fairly easily.

It's also my longest recap at 15 pages.

And it contains the most vulgar and nasty comments I've ever made about the show.

Hence my pride.

I'm one warped individual.

Went out to dinner with the preacher and his wife and boy last night.

We went to a local deli which I thought was kinda an unusual choice, because I go there quite often for lunch, but never for dinner.

It was packed. Mainly because children under 12 eat for free at night.

Every table had a kid in a high chair.

Andrew was in HEAVEN!

The place was full of jabbering toddlers, screaming, crying and throwing things.

I think we finally found our favorite restaurant. Because here...our kid doesn't stand out and get dirty looks every time he lets out a squeal of joy. His squeals are drowned out by the rest of the kids present.

Too cool.

Afterwards we went to what I thought was going to be a Christmas party for the hip young lesbian of the church.

As it turns out...it was a housewarming party.

The kind where you bring gifts.

Susie and I panicked because neither of us thought to bring gifts. Like I said...I was under the impression it was a Christmas party...aka A No-Gift Party.

Susie's the one who received the actual invitation. She should have known to bring a gift. But didn't even think about it.

So we had to pull out the old Abbott and Costello routine of "You didn't get the gift off the table?" "No...I thought YOU were getting the gift off the table!" "I heard you specifically say you were getting the gift off the table as we were leaving." "No, you uneducated cow ... what I said was 'How drunk was I when I thought it would be a good idea to throw caution to the wind and marry you?'"

This went on and on until the HYL stopped us and told us to bring the gift to church on Sunday. We smiled and said "okay".

Soooo...with that said...I've gotta go wake the Mrs and the boy from their nap and go find a gift for the gal to give her tomorrow.

What do hip young lesbians like these days?

Is a strap-on too much?