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4:21 a.m. - 2000-12-12

I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT DOGGY STYLE AGAIN

Soooooooo....how you?

For the last 15 minutes, I've been watching the guy across the street in the dark. We were both putting the trash out and said "Hello" since we normally do that whenever we're both outside.

He got in his car that was already running, and I was letting Maggie sniff around outside for any cat scents. The guy got in his car and has been sitting there the last 15 minutes with the thing running.

I'm wondering if he's dead ... fast asleep ... or what.

If he's anything like my child, he uses the car as a sleeping pill.

That kid can be wailing away like mongrels are chewing on his heels and as soon as we put him in his carseat ... BOOOO-YAHHHHHH....he's out, babes.

It's like some kinda miracle drug.

So anyway...yeah...what up with guy across the street?

He's still sitting there.

Yeah.

Alright...so ummmm...yesterday.

Remember the guy that called me on Friday (I think it was) and told me he was going to triple my salary to come work for him?

He called me yesterday and offered me 5% of the entire organization to consider coming to work for him.

I think he thinks I'm hesitant to come work for his ass.

All I know is ... if this business does anything like his old business, that's a current guarantee of $100,000 a year.

Plus ... hey ... I own the company.

Right now, I'm in "I'll Believe It When I See It" mode. If this guy pulls up to the table, guaranteeing me a whopping salary plus 5% of the business ... well shit grandma ... where the hell do I sign?

I'm ready for a change.

Oh yeah...this shout out goes to my boy sitting next to me right now as he reads this ... MATTIE GEE...take this damned link off the LINKS deal NOW!!!! I'm gonna talk shit about you here that you don't want anybody stumbling over at the office... take it off NOW, DAMN YOU....

Sorry...as I write this at 4:30 a.m. I think I'm gonna get a big kick at about 10 a.m. when Mattie Gee comes to visit this page.

Tee hee!!

So anyway...Mattie Gee is jumping ship quicker than me. He may be there the rest of the month and that's it. He plans on abandoning the business high and dry.

BOB, MY BOSS WHO JUST STUMBLED ACROSS THIS LINK AS HE SURFED THE WEB BECAUSE MATTIE GEE DIDN'T TAKE IT DOWN: (gasps)Mattie Gee...you leaving us??

...take it down now, Mattie.

So yeah baby...money talks and if you're going to not only be working for a friend, but have a stake in the business as well... then shit grandma ... this lifestyle change sounds good.

_______________________________

Lemme see...in other news...

Took Andy for his very first official walk yesterday. It was about 60 degrees and we had him wrapped up in a little snowflake outfit. It's literally a snowflake, all his arms and legs go in these sleeves that are spread out. It's odd.

So anyway, he did good. He stared at the inside of his stroller the entire time. He's kinda fascinated by the stroller lately, he's rode in it twice in two days and it soothes him.

Anything soothing...good.

There's very little that annoys him outside of the faintest sign of hunger, a heavy diaper or the rapid fire gas that can shoot out of various orifices on his body.

We've had to get rid of all matches and lighters in the house since this kid came on board.

OH!!!

Okay ... here's the deal ...

I am catching all kinds of flak from the people at work over the fact that Susie and I are not really going all out for Christmas this year.

Usually, we'd decorate. This year, we weren't going to put anything up.

I caught holy hell from the people at work over this. And the fact that we really weren't planning on getting Andy any gifts for Christmas this year simply because there's nothing at his age he can play with right now other than the things he already has. Believe me ... I've combed the stores in this town ... if there's ANYTHING that a kid from birth can play with right now...he's got it already.

Next year, he'll be a year old and smart as a college professor, fully grasping the concept of Santa Claus. By then, he'll be doubting the concept, but he'll probably play along with us anyway.

Anyway...I dunno if I'm doing the right thing by not showering him with gifts on this Christmas. I'll try to find him something.

And we did put up a little four foot artificial tree for the hell of it. It's all we need.

_______________________________

The In-laws get into town tonight.

They are indeed oddballs. They're going to fly into New Orleans, rent a car and then drive to our house from there.

We're something like seven hours from New Orleans. It would have been much easier for him to fly to Atlanta.

Oddballs.

Yesterday, our secretary was listening to me bitch and moan about my in-laws when she finally said "What Would Jesus Do?" I think she did it to be sarcastic because I always say it to her when I want her to shut up about her problems.

And I said "Punch them hard in the nuts?"

I don't think she got it.

Actually, there was nothing to get.

_______________________________

Everybody in the office is sick as a dog.

Jamie has been sounding like he's got a nose full of bologna.

Art's hacks always sound phlegmy, but he's been a heavy smoker for years which means he's a raging pain in the ass during cold and flu season.

And now...Mattie Gee has went and got himself sick. He sounds like he's trying to talk while blowing a cow. It's all muffled murmurs.

So naturally, I should be getting sick any day now. Today I have to spend 12 hours surrounded by these warfare germs, trying desperately to fight them off so I don't bring them home and transfer them to my son during one of our frequent daily make out sessions.

I kiss my baby a lot. I can't help it. He's the cutest thing I've ever held in my arms.

I can't help but kiss his little lips.

Closed mouth kisses.

You know...to clarify for those who think I'm such a big perv ... I've never slipped the baby any tongue, you idiots.

Jeez Louise.

_______________________________

Oh yeah...

Since yesterday's Question of the Day was sooooo poorly received ... I think Movie was the only one who took a stab at it .... you're ALL GOING TO BE PUNISHED.

...No Question of the Day today.

Hey!!

It's your own fault!

You could have answered the question ... but you DIDN'T!!

You just sat there and thought ... "Shit...let somebody else answer that question. I ain't got time for these shenanigans."

WELL GUESS WHAT, HOWDY FUCKING DOODY?!?

NO QUESTION FOR YOU!

(Uncle Bob folds his arms, stamps his foot and stares at the ceiling, waiting for you to humbly leave his presence)

And it seems to me, very few of you like to play the game where somebody asks a question and everybody answers. I don't think we have a shortage of questions ... it's just that there's very little interaction there.

Thus ...

Hell.

I dunno.

Do whatever you want.

_______________________________

Okay kids ... Uncle Bob's gotta get in gear here ... going in early today and have ran out of things to tell you.

Peace out to all the star children.

_______________________________

Oh yeah.

The guy across the street? He left about an hour ago. Sorry to leave you hanging.

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