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10:33:25 - 2000-12-06

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M FAT ... IT'S YOURS

Jeezum Crow...I'm running soooo late today.

Got up at 4 a.m. ... right??

Okay ... tell me if this has ever happened to you...

I woke up like at 4:04 a.m. I laid there for a minute and got up. Peed. Checked on the baby. Looked at the clock.

It was 4:36 a.m.

Okay ... the logical explanation is that I woke up at 4:04, dozed off until about 4:34 a.m. and got up without looking at the clock again until I reached the den.

But I SWEAR TO GOD I woke up, laid there for a MINUTE then got up.

Very odd.

And once again...something you couldn't care less about.

Go to heck.

_____________________________________________

My diet's not going good.

I have attributed my rapid weight gain to the fact that we have a secretary who believes that we all need to stay full of snacks all day.

Yesterday, she went out and bought bagels, cream cheese, all kinds of chocolate candy, carmel corn, cheese corn and butter-toffee popcorn in a big assed tin. For lunch, the boss brings in a pork shoulder he had smoked, but our secretary had already ordered a $110 catering tray from the Atlanta Bread Company for lunch.

...All this for about eight people.

Luckily, somebody came to their senses and cancelled the catering order. It was probably divine intervention.

Anyway...we hired this secretary about a year and a half ago. She's a great woman, I love her to death ... but she LOVES to eat. Granted ... I have no room to talk because I make small children tremble with fear when I walk ... but when she was hired, I started gaining weight.

Because she CONSTANTLY barrages us with food.

I know...I know...willpower.

Fuck willpower.

Tell you what, Mr. Will Power ... YOU sit on a computer all day in a room full of peanut butter cups and Doritos and tell me all about WILLPOWER, you insensitive lout.

Anyway ... love her to death ... just wish the boss would fire her ass so I could lose a little weight, y'know???

That's all I'm asking.

Is that too much??

______________________________________

You know...my kid's the luckiest kid in the whole world.

Monday I was out in our shed in the backyard and started stumbling across all these toys I had forgotten about.

For instance ... I've never seen "The Last Action Hero" with Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's never been high on my priority list to check the flick out.

BUT...I have every piece of merchandise related to the flick.

SO ... someday ... Andy's about 6 or 7 ... we sit down and watch "Last Action Hero". Andy's all jazzed afterwards about the flick ... hey ... what's this?? CASES OF LAST ACTION HERO DOLLS??? GAMES??? CARS AND PLANES???

ANNNNND ... he will be the only kid in school who has all these because the movie came out years ago and the merchandise was sold at 75% off back in the 90s.

Pretty rad, eh?

Probably not. Still...I thought it was cool.

_________________________________________

My house is a mess.

Truth be told ... Susie's sister really didn't help much around here at all while she was here.

She was good with the baby, etc. But laundry didn't get done ... she cooked one time ... she didn't clean up after herself.

She said she was coming out to cook and clean while Susie rested.

Susie rested.

No cooking. No cleaning.

I'm only bitching about it now because my house is a mess.

___________________________________________

I need to go darling. I've gotta go in early this a.m. and need to jump in the shower.

Plus my baby boy's done nursing and he wants his daddy to come dance him around the room til he pukes.

My work is NEVER done...

____________________________________________

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