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09:55:15 - 2000-12-08

THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD WITH SEVERAL PEOPLE IN THE ROOM INCLUDING A FEW HAITIANS

Bingo, Ringo...how the hell are ya?

Sorry this diary has completely sucked dirty turtle tits lately but I've been either A) Busy writing for other things B) Busy with the kid and/or wife or C) Having days where nothing much has happened and there's nothing worth talking about.

You know ... they're right. A baby CHANGES YOUR LIFE.

Before ... I used to spend an hour each evening with Susie. Then she'd have something to read or watch on TV, so I'd get on the computer and do whatever. "Whatever" could loosely be defined as "surfing for amateur Russian porn and sending the models goofy emails, threatening to tell their parents that their precious little Communist children were out there naked on the Web unless the Commie sent me a loaf of bread from a Russian store, so I could taste just how wonderful this shit is that you people line up for hours to spend a week's salary on."

That must be good bread.

That was one of my first jokes...torn all to hell. In the sixth grade, our teacher was telling us about Russia and how they spent a week's salary on a loaf of bread and waited in line for hours for that bread.

I said out loud "That must be good bread."

Even the teacher laughed.

And Uncle Bob was born.

*sigh*

I'm so damned liberal with my "sighs" around here. I didn't REALLY sigh. I just threw *sigh* in there to kinda put a cap on that shit. End it. Stop the show right there and then.

I find THIS effective too though...

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That lets you know ... NEW SUBJECT AHEAD.

Right??

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But anyway ... a baby really changes your life. It's like ... to me...nothing else matters anymore. It's like a shell around me. If things go wrong at work ... so what? I've got a baby to worry about.

If an old man cuts me off in traffic ... so what? I've got a baby to think of.

Kids...gather 'round. I think your dear old Uncle Bob is finally turning into a sugary sweet old man. The cranky tirades of yesterday are gone.

I feel so born again.

So young.

So new.

So new age.

So ooola boola.

Et cetera.

Praise the Lord.

Pass the sunflower seeds.

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So yesterday I get this call from a guy that I've been doing some freelance work for. I've known this guy for years ... worked with him for about eight years throughout the 90s at a local magazine ... He's a good guy. We don't exchange Christmas cards but I think that's about to change.

He left the company we were both working for and has started up his own little magazine deal. That's what I've been freelancing for. To make a long story short ... in the next 3-4 months, he's going to be starting up another magazine and he wants to make me the general manager of the deal.

I was flattered, but I'm kinda happy where I'm at with the various perks that I get.

He said he'd TRIPLE what I was making now to come work for him.

I dunno about you ... but I've always had one single goal in life ... to triple my salary.

I doubled it once and life changed dramatically. But I found out money couldn't buy happiness, and ultimately, I was pining away for my old job as the assistant manager at a Blockbuster music store.

*sigh* (that I didn't really sigh, mind you)

But here's the deal ...

* I would basically be running the operation. Can I do something like this?? Technically, I should be able to. Mentally ... I could probably learn along the way.

Emotionally?

Ummmm...we're talking about a guy that offered his buddy Mattie Gee ten dollars if he would ask the girl at the drive thru window at KFC, "What up Moesha?" as he handed her the money for the food.

Mattie Gee ... that insufferable prick...would not do it for my amusement.

Sometimes I think I need to trade the loser bastard in for another rock star friend.

Ahhhh...who am I kidding??

Oh yeah ... so anyway...

Emotionally??

I dunno if I could do that. I tend to be a nice guy at work, even in management positions. I just want to make work a pleasant experience for everyone and want people to WANT to come to work, so I take it easy on everyone. THEN...when they realize they can run all over me, they take full advantage of it.

Then again ... I'm thinking back to the days when I was 23 and managing record stores and Waffle Houses.

Christ, how things have changed.

ANYWAY ... I'm taking the job if my old buddy is for real with tripling my salary. At first, my job will consist of getting distribution for this magazine set up. That's easy. That's what I used to do with the old magazine. You just go around, tell people I'll pay you a percentage for each one of these sold and put your business in an ad on the inside.

After distribution is set up and the thing is flying right, I sit back and chill.

And my salary is tripled.

Merry Christmas, Andrew.

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I REALLY want Susie to stay at home with the baby. Ever since she came home with him, she's said the same thing..."Wouldn't it be nice if I could stay at home with the baby?" she'd say.

And I'd say "No, because eventually you'd konk it on the head and deep fry him and serve him to me for dinner and call him Fried Banandy"

But now, I've changed my mind.

Anyway. Keep your fingers crossed. But it won't be happening for the next several months if it even DOES happen.

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I finally turned in my recap to Mighty Big TV this morning. This is the longest it's taken me to write one of these things ... the show came on Wednesday night and I usually have it turned in by midnight Wednesday. This one was finally finished up today. I've been a bit under the weather, and with the average of four broken hours of sleep a night, I've been struggling to get it done.

God ... I've got so much else to do. Thank you cards, Christmas Cards, etc. etc.

So ... if you don't mind, I'm steppin' out.

I'm probably only going to update once this weekend. Maybe twice. Hell, I dunno.

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QUESTION OF THE WEEKEND

Don't you hate people that promise sex in the titles of their diary entries and then not follow through?

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