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11:52:48 - 2000-02-16

DISCLAIMER: Uncle Bob has no time, space or means of transportation for whiners. If you like to visit Diaries to see how quickly you can be offended, you have officially met your match, sista. I play mean. And I play for keeps. If you don't like my Diary, try it with a little ketchup. Go on. Try it. Look pal ... I'm serious (Bob pulls gun out and points it at reader's head). See??? My diary tastes WONDERFUL with a little ketchup. If you don't like it, I suggest you leave now before somebody gets hurt and that somebody AIN'T me.

WHY I ENJOY MASTURBATING FOUR TIMES A DAY

I just got off the phone with Mattie Gee, who I wrote about in my last entry and told him that I wrote about "our night" last night.

His exact quote:

"Oh that's fuckin' great. You'll get your 100 hits on your website and I get a fuckin' subpoena. You'll be popular with all your little Diaryland friends while I'm getting plugged up the ass in prison."

Mattie's a little paranoid about me being so open here.

Speaking of being open, I've spent most of the morning reading over several dozen diaries and reviews on the People Page.

Some comments:

*Man...Valentine's Day severely fucked a lot of you people up. If I had had the time, I woulda sent each and every one of you a little virtual bouquet and tried to bring a little sunshine into your life.

* Dirtygirl is Missing in Action. It's a shame because she's an extremely talented writer...I kept forgetting I was reading the words of a 19-year old, which is no offense to all the 19-year-olds that just read that, but Dirtygirl wrote like she was 40. If I know her like I know her (which is as much as everyone else here in D-land...no more...no less), I would say she'll be back in some form or fashion eventually. Always an interesting read.

* The negative reviews on People Pages....first off...there shouldn't be any reviewing. There are some extremely fragile people out there in D-land. I could see some of them offing themselves over one bad review.

You people know who you are, and I don't need to mention any names. Nine times out of ten, you're dead on in your review of these Diaries. Many of them aren't as exciting as others.

But ya know what? It's people's LIVES. It's their FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. Who are we to judge other people's lives? I'm always willing to hand out advice, many times it's unwarranted advice. But let's leave the criticism to the professionals.

If I sign someone's review thingie, I give most a Superior because dammit...it's their diary. I'm not one to judge it. I've given a few borderlines when I was puzzled by the diary. And there have been a few where I didn't review at all simply because their diary was beyond reviewing.

Is this making any sense?

To finally getting around to making a fucking POINT... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. If a 15-year old wants to use her Diary space to write poems that pine away for some boy she saw at a football game briefly and has been obsessed with ever since....hey...it's her gig.

To write something that does nothing but tears down this person's self esteem by saying that their innermost thoughts are bullshit is childish and no better that the ignorant bully on the playground.

Uncle Bob is mean-spirited. But he isn't mean. There's a difference.

* And this recurring theme that I see popping up in other's diaries about the "Popular Clique" at Diaryland. I don't consider myself to be part of that "clique". But if you think about this, and I've said it ever since I started posting entries on this site, Diaryland is a lot like high school.

You DO have your popular clique. You have your stoners, your geeks, your sensitive poets, your loud and obnoxious party animals, your quiet people that you never even noticed until graduation .... the entire emotional blueprint for a high school is here.

As for me ... I'm the dork in the corner who comes up with something cute to say every now and then and then goes back to sleep on his desk.

But, of course, if we all want to come crashing back down to reality for a moment ... Diaryland is nothing more than a bunch of people sitting at their computers all across the globe, sharing feelings, stories, thoughts and emotions.

And I love it.

And I don't masturbate four times a day. That was just to keep you horndogs reading 'til the end.

Oh Uncle Bob....you're such a tease. Now it's my turn. Let me describe to you what I'm wearing...

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Uncle Bob.


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