FREAKING OUT FOR NO GOOD REASON

I am REALLY beginning to freak out.

Apparently, it's natural during the last month of pregnancy for parents to start freaking out.

"Am I going to be a good father?"

We'll see.

"Will I make the same mistakes my parents made?"

We'll see.

"Will I have a good child who sleeps all night, or a loud child who sleeps all day?"

We'll see.

I've never changed a diaper in my life.

NEVER.

I've never burped a baby.

NEVER.

I've never tried to decipher what exactly a piercing baby scream meant...dirty diaper, severe pain or boredom.

NEVER.

Now ... all my priorities are about to change.

And I am REALLY beginning to freak out.

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I heard from Sarah at Mighty Big TV yesterday and found out which show I'll be reviewing/recapping for the site.

NBC's "Ed".

Sarah figured I'd hate the show, which is apparently a prerequisite for recapping a show when you're writing for Mighty Big TV. The more you hate a show, the more riveting the recap.

Actually, the premise for the show sounds alright ... a big-city lawyer chucks it all and moves home to buy a bowling alley and chase after his high-school crush who's already taken.

I can do this.

My biggest problem??

I don't know what alias to write under.

"Uncle Bob"?

It's a possibility.

"Big Steve McCool"?

Ummmm...no.

Here's a kicker ...

(Tee hee)

What I'm THINKING about doing is stealing the nickname from another diary here in Diaryland.

But it would have to be somebody aloof who's not really in the loop of Diaryland, so to speak.

Someone who would never read my page and find out I had pilfered their identity.

Someone like...oh...I dunno....

... Brad F'n Pitt???

I mean...it's pretty obvious ... that guy doesn't have a clue that there's anyone else in Diaryland besides himself.

Anyway ... "Ed" starts Sunday, and I'm hoping to have my review of it to MBTV by Monday.

Wish me luck.

Better yet...wish "Ed" luck. If he goes off the air, I'm out of a pretty decent gig that will be paying for my child care and diapers.

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Susie and I are going shopping tonight for Operation Christmas Child.

This is a cool organization (click the link, fool!) that gives gifts to underpriveleged kids throughout the world.

We've been doing this for a few years. Before then, we were working with Catholic Social Services and helping to provide Christmas gifts for local families who were down on their luck.

We kinda got soured on that deal after providing one family with gifts a few years ago.

Having no kids ourselves, Susie and I spent over $400 for toys for one lady's family at Christmas time.

We took all the gifts over there one afternoon while the children were at school.

The mother seemed very gracious for the gifts as we carted them all inside and to her bedroom closet.

After we carried them all in, the mother asked where the bicycle was.

Ummmm...what bicycle, lady?

Apparently, her youngest boy wanted a bicycle that year.

First off ... it wasn't on the list. Second ... DON'T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, LADY. If it wasn't for us, your kids would be staring out the window on Christmas morning watching all the other kids playing with their new toys.

I about lost it with this big ol' welfare mama who was just cranking out kids so her lazy ass could get more food stamps.

She actually stood there and kept saying "I don't know how I'm going to explain to my boy that Santa didn't bring him a bicycle" trying to GUILT us into running to Toys 'R Us and spending another $70 on a bicycle for a kid who we're never even going to meet.

Here's a solution, lady. Explain to him that every single decision you ever had to make in life was the WRONG one. And instead of trying to blame the people who dug into their checkbooks to provide you with a Christmas ... blame yourself for a change.

As we drove away from that lady's house, I told Susie flat out that I didn't want to help these people anymore and to try to find a new method of helping kids.

Which takes us to Operation Christmas Child. Kids who are THRILLED with a Barbie and not bitching that Barbie didn't come with a Deluxe three-story Barbie Dream Home.

Anyway ... click the link. It's a really cool deal, you're doing one of the best things you'll ever do by putting a smile on a kid's face at Christmas and these people are TRULY appreciative.

It's kinda strange, because every year at Christmas time since I've met my wife, we have always fixed up gift boxes for somebody else's kids.

This year, we're going to be buying our OWN kid stuff.

And it's REALLY beginning to freak me out.

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

Describe your favorite Christmas past