WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THOSE KNEES IN THE BALLS?

I've gotta say ... I'm not the type of person who needs positive reinforcement on a daily basis ... but yesterday, you people ... (Bob wags his finger at the computer monitor and grins) ... you people came to my rescue.

Thanks. It's like I said in a couple of emails ... when you're getting bombarded by "You Suck" messages ... you start believing them.

It's nice to know that so many of you don't feel that way.

As a result of yesterday's entry ... somebody took all the crap off my analyzer page...thanks to whoever did that.

AND...Someotherguy sent me an email to let me know that it really was NOT him who was behind the "Anon" comment. He only took the credit for it because he knew I'd mention and link him and he'd get hits from it.

Ahem.

I can understand the logic from it ... but like I told him ... whatever hits you got from that were going to be nitpicky hits who were looking to tear you down.

I guess hits are hits to some people.

Anyway ... enough on all that crap.

But thanks again to those who took the time to tell me that I'm not nearly as bad as others would lead me to believe. The good far outweighed the bad and I'm back to normal today.

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So ... I'm lying in bed last night...can't sleep.

The wife is sound asleep.

I'm quietly flipping channels on the TV.

I stop on HBO.

"G-String Divas".

I nudge the wife to make sure she's really asleep.

She gives me one of those pissy asleep looks and rolls over and starts snoring.

I put the remote down and decide to watch "G-String Divas".

Last night's episode was all about a dancer named Silver. Silver was from Chile and had a little attitude problem.

I was intrigued. Not aroused. But intrigued.

At one point, Silver takes this dweeby little guy into a private room, and luckily, we're invited in too.

In there, Silver just starts berating the shit outta this guy.

She's slapping him. Pulling his hair. And the worst part ... she was SERIOUSLY kneeing him in the balls repeatedly.

Okay ... time out...

... OUUUUUUUUCH!!!

I curled up in a fetal position as I watched her just knee the crap outta this guy. He sat there and took it and just stared into her eyes.

Oh. I get it. He likes it. Hey Mikey!

I'm sure there's at least one of you reading this who may like a little pain in their sexual escapades.

Personally ... I don't.

Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather have my balls caressed than kicked and crushed repeatedly.

Call me a fuddy duddy, but I don't want my face slapped like a newborn baby's ass.

Call me a cab, but I don't think it's necessary to call me a "disgusting bowl of fuck" while I have an erection.

This guy LOVED it.

Silver told the guy to give her all his money.

Alright...in MY book ... that's where I draw the line. Sorry, Miss Stripper Lady ... but you just kneed me in the balls about 238 times. They now look like a bag of blue apples. I'm pretty sure you dislodged a testicle on kick #112. I DON'T think you'll be getting all my money for these actions, sweetie. Now then...if you'll let me up to go back and join my friends, I'll....

... This crazy fucker hopped right up and emptied his pockets for Silver and gave her every last dime he had.

Jeeeez....buddy......you just set the male species back about 200 years.

She then told him to get the fuck out, and Schleppy moseyed on outta the private room, massaging his aching testicles.

Silver began getting dressed and smiled for the camera and said "He's a nice guy. He lives with his mother."

Like THAT explains everything.

"He never found a woman, so he likes being beaten until he's physically deformed. Go figure."

I don't understand the shit at all. Silver said it was all about power.

Power is one thing. Sheer brutality against one's reproductive organs is quite another.

Let's see ol' Silver take a swift kick to the vulva on the next episode, HBO.

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Hey.

So I've been approached to write for another website.

Can I get a "whoooohooooo"??

Yeah kids...tell me I suck. At least I'm getting offers to write for other sites.

Oh yeah...and it's a PAYING gig, too.

I've heard some of you mention it in your diaries as well... Mighty Big TV.

Apparently (and yes...I told them I'd do it), I'll be reviewing TV shows in nasty and sarcastic fashion.

Well...gee willikers...THAT may be tough...

(Bob rolls his eyes)

Innyweigh ... I'm waiting to hear back from the owner of the site to tell me which show I'll be reviewing.

It should be fun. I know some of you dig that site, so it must be pretty cool.

I'll be honest...I had never even looked at the site when I got the email asking me to scribble shit for it. I had always MEANT to check the site out...just never got around to it.

Of course, I'll keep you informed on any progress.

God knows I can't think of anything else to write about.

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you had a choice of TV shows to write nasty reviews for, which would it be?